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Friends with benefit
Okay, so when I was 8 I was raped and I kind of blocked it out of my head, but now I am very paranoid when someone touches me, especialy guys. I'm 15 and I've never done ANYTHING or had a boyfriend, because I have too many anxieties.
But one of my friends, who is a guy, he is the only one I have ever told about the rape, because he asked me why I don't do stuff with guys, and so I told him. He offered to do stuff with me, and I said okay, and now he is all worked up about it and giving me all this advice on how to turn him on when the time comes for us to do things.
I'm extremely nervous and I don't know why, because I am afraid it will be awkward since we were friends and stuff.
But I also think I should because he is the sweetest guy I know, and I really need to get over my fear, and he is probably going to be the most patient guy out there.
Soo... I really need tips on how to do things, like blow jobs, and fingering, and even making-out.
Should I be nervous?
Is it going to hurt?
Just tell me whatever you think I should know...
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You are not ready don't let him pressure you into doing it. He isnt so sweet if he asked you to have sex with him when your only 15 years old especially after you told him about your past. I know its not the answer you are looking for but its the truth. Think about it
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I don't think it's a good idea at all. If you arent ready or you arent comfortable with doing things with guys yet...then don't. There is no reason to force these situations. YOu are only 15, you don't NEED to be doing things with guys yet. And you don't want to be portrayed as a slut when word gets out that you guys are "friends with benefits." It's not going to help you get over your anxieties. I'm sorry, but i think you are making a mistake. PLUS you shouldn't be doing blow jobs at your age.
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Him being 'the sweetest guy you know' is NOT a good enough reason to fool around with him.
I promise you, your horny friend (and that is what he is) isn't going to be the most patient and supportive guy out there. (With all his ‘advice’ on turning him on, he doesn’t actually sound very ‘patient’ at all.) A male who loves you, respects you, and is dedicated to you, will be the most patient guy out there.
Friends with benefits is a fine idea in my opinion: For two adults who have a sexual history, emotional experience with sex, and a firm mutual understanding. NOT FOR TEENAGERS WHO ARE EXPERIEMENTING.
I know it must seem like everyone around you is doing this, but they aren't, and even if they were that doesn't mean that you have too. I know you want to ‘fix’ what is wrong with you, but this idea is probably only going to make it worse.
Please, wait and experiment with someone who loves you and is committed too you. Sex makes you incredibly emotionally vulnerable. It stirs up all kinds of new fears and anxieties. It’s important that your partner is truly there for you, through the whole thing. A friend with benefits isn’t doing that.
I really don't want you to add anymore stress and negative sexual experiences to your life, so please, tell this guy no and that you are waiting for a dedicated partner.
If you haven’t already: seek counseling to deal with the feelings you still experience due to the rape. I promise that that will be a far more effective way to deal with your anxieties then jumping into bed with a friend.
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