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I stomped on my boyfriend's feeling that I trust him.
Sorry this is a book. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. He is my first big relationship (I'm 28 and he's 25) and I am completely in love with him. This past Wednesday night (the night before Valentine's Day... can you say PRESSURE?), I really screwed up. He was out with his best friend, and was going to call me when he was on his way back home to meet me, but for some reason I panicked and started over-dialing. I called him three times between 8pm and 9pm and then 5 more times between 9 and 11. I left a total of 5 messages which got increasingly bitchy, and also called his roommate 3 times to see if he'd gotten home and forgotten to call. I know this could have all been avoided if I had just called him once and let it be, or if he had picked up his phone after the first call, but I started having a panic attack and freaked. Needless to say, he's furious with me and hasn't spoken to me since we met for a brief period on Thursday so I could try to explain myself. He told me at that time that he was considering breaking up with me, but that we'd have dinner on Sunday night (tonight), and we'd try to work things out. I'm beating myself up, because I know I screwed up and don't know how to fix it. And now I desperately afraid he's just going to leave me hanging. I'm afraid his best friend has convinced him to dump me (she's mad at me too), and I'm pissed at myself for having a big mouth about it and talking to people that we mutually know (they asked because I look like hell) about the situation. I'm also upset on top of all of this because I just started seeing a therapist to try and work on my anxiety issues. But I still basically took all of the personal space we had between one another and threw it out the window. I don't want to lose him. He's my best friend, my anchor, the person I trust and love most outside my immediate family. What do I do? How can I mend this? I feel like my heart is broken. Thanks...
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Honestly? Yeah, you did something panicky and paranoid. But you're human, yaknow? Girls do things like that all the time, trust me, and not all of em have anxiety issues. I really think he's overreacting a little bit. I mean, it's not like you drove around looking for him. And why didn't he answer his phone? This all sounds a little suspicious to me. What if there had been an emergency and he didn't feel like picking up his phone? And wait a minute...his best friend is a woman and he was out with her and didn't answer his phone?! He sounds just a wee bit controlling to me, and again, the whole thing is a lil bit fishy. But if you really do love him, here's what you have to do...
Does he know that you've started seeing a therapist? Does he know that you have anxiety issues? Does he know you had a panic attack and understand how hard they are to control? Maybe explaining it to him would help. Whether it's an email, a note, or a voicemail, you need to tell him a few basic things:
- You realize what you did was wrong. (Don't mention what I said in the first paragraph.)
- You're sorry.
- You realize you have a problem with anxiety and are seeking help.
- You had a panic attack. Explain to him what that means.
- You don't want to lose your relationship because of your anxiety.
Leave it at that, and see what he does from there.
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simple or hard.
tell him everything. Just tell him.
Do what you think is right.
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i know how you feel, many times i've been in that situation where i've been over anxious and paranoid and keep pestering whomever it is, and then hating myself for acting up over nothing in the first place. it's very good that you recognize that what you've done could have been avoided..right now i don't think you should stress on your boyfriend's friend and how she's influencing him.if she's pissed too, well so what,a relationship has room for only two. right now you might want to give him some space, when he says he's thinking about breaking up over that, it's probably just an initial defensive reaction. just let him think it over and then find the right time to talk about it, or maybe he'll come around to talk w/you. and if he truly loves you, then this is mendable. noone is perfect, and being in a relationship means you have to commit to your partner all the way. he needs to know you're distressed, not through his friend's eyes, b/c how you feel right now it's very clear that you care for him.he needs to see that. just don't stress, i know that's very very difficult, but the calmer you are, the better you can communicate w/him when the time comes. it just takes patience and time. i really hope i helped. if you need more help let me know.
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