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Abuse\Running Away. He likes me.
14.Female.
My like best guy friends name is Cole, and he is awesome. He always makes me happy and unlike other guys I don't act diffrently around him --at all--. Id eat like a pig infront of him and not care, laugh my normal laugh. It doesn't madder he's just like my BFF Becky. I know she's not gudmental so and he's the sameway. Well the Christmas dance was coming up and he asked if I wanted to go. It was a hardcore What?? Completely unexpected and I said no. And explained to him that I don't like him like that and he was like Ohh. And thank god it didn't effect our relationship.
Well he flirts with me all the time and sadly I do to...[[sucha bitch I KNOW]] But I can't help it I Do Like Him. But the reason is so stupid I wont even explain it.
Well his sisters in another state right now checking out colleges with her boyfriend and a Sunday I was talking to Rhiannon about Cole. He's so sweet, and soo hot and funny and everything I lovee. Like one time he was making fun of himself and I was like Cole! Your adorible, whatever people say they can go to hell because I love you exactly the way your are.
Then it kinda clicked Oh Shit did I just say? Im soo dumb. He said something else thougha dn i was like Why do you only make fun of yourself infront of me?? and he was like Because I know you'll say otherwise. I was like awwwww <33
Anywayy he called me at like 2in the morning after a long talk about him to Rhiannon. Well he was crying. And I was like Cole! Whats wrong??
:Like flipping out and he was like I hate that stupid bastard and everything. He told me his Dad came home late after getting drunk off his ass, his Mom went to bed crying and Cole even though his small compared to his Dad and is soo sweet stayed up and when his Dad got home he yelled at him. Saying he has a family to saport and a baby on the way whats wrong with you. Well Coles Dad hit him! And its not the first time- but the first time Kaitlyn-his sister wasnt able to come and pick him up or get him out of the house. He explained me eveything and was like "I didn't call so you would cry too, Im sorry." and I was like Cole, I can't help it don't feel bad please. Well after the whole story and comforting him he said he didn't want to live in the same house with him. I was like... what do you mean? Your gunna leave? Your Mom needs you she's 7 months pregante you can't leave.. where would you go? And he's like she has a rich boyfriend, she would leave this asshole if I was gone. Nothing would be holding her from it. I was like and you would go?? and he said anywhere... I was like NO! You can't just runaway? and the first thing I said "what about me? And your friends?" so he said You don't like me, im wasting my time waiting to see if you'll change your mind. but I know you. You wont no madder what I do. Nothing is keeping me here... Well now Im crying harder, because i do like him and the stupid part I cant explain why Im so afraid. Sadly he would be my first real boyfriend, that really does like me. And everyone says to go out with him.. and I can't. I dont want him to leave...
Well I was like Cole, theres so much that will link you here. Please don't leave. Dont leave me.
So Monday he was absent and today did shit hit the fan!
The boy I like Adam but I have nothing really in common with told me he liked me. Asked me to the Valentines dance friday and I said no. But not with the same fear... not something unexplainable. But I cant just say "I like you Cole." Because he would think I feel bad for him and Im just trying to keep him here.
Problem. Im not the funniest thing to look at to me Im not pretty everyone says otherwise and Ashton Coles friend started saying crap like
"Why do you like Katie? I mean look at her.. she's so ahh I can't even look at her my eyes are burning" Being rather dumba dn i was SITTING NEXT TO COLE! I ignored it Logan turned around and was like Ashton shut up! it's not your say in who Cole likes! but Ashton continued saying dumb crap. Well Cole bottles stuff. and you have no idea how hard it is for someone who doesnt know him to get to really know him.. I did I broke through and now Im so afriad of what Im finding I Don't know what to do..
Well Cole exploded. He had so much anger built up from his Father and the whole world he practicly tipped 2 desks boxer smacked Ashton, punched him inthe face *repeatedly. So bloody nosed. and It took Tommy the hugest kid in our class and my scream to knock some sence into him. He stopped kicking the crap Ashton gave me a hug a bone breaking huge before being hauled to the office. OSS for a week. What if his Dad hits him again for being so angry?
Everyone knows why Cole kicked the crap out of Ashton and are saying the samethings Ashton said.
Why Me?
They even asked me!
Why? I donno... how he saw through everything NO IDEA but Im not gunna let my silly emotions get in the way. I really like him.
What do I do. I dont wanna ruin where he stands because everyone knows Popularity is something really big. not that I believe it. and if they were his real friends they would understand. I KNOW. But I dont wanna be the reason he's being made fun of. And how do I convince him that it's not because of his family?
I can't wait any longer Ive been able to shuve my feelings asside. Bit tnat;s over, Im done.
Help PLEASE!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Listen, this isn't your battle to fight. It's his. And most of the time the hardest thing to do is sit back and let your friends handle their own lives. But you can talk to him about a few things.
So, this it what I have to say:
Concerning Cole hitting Ashton about what Ashton said about you, and the popularity thing.
Most likely, Cole was so defensive to what Ashton said because he has seen his father say negative things towards his mother, and while he can't always stop his father from saying nasty things to his mother, he can defend you. The fact that he got so upset with Ashton probably is rooted in the fact that his father is abusive and he can't do much about his father. And at this point, you shouldn't be worrying about what people are going to say about him liking you. He likes you for the real reasons. Not the shallow reasons that everybody else is using for why they like somebody. That is something special, make sure to hold onto that, and let go all of your worries about what the other kids are saying.
No kid should ever have to face the difficulty of abuse. But sadly, a lot of us do. I speak from experience. And while most people will tell him to immediately get himself out of there, you can't always just leave. That can aggravate things. And it is a lot easier done than said.
Talk to him about the need to leave. Has he talked to his mother about his father being abusive? Like really sat down and talked with her about it? Its hard to do. Sometimes, like in my case, the mother won't believe the kid, because they don't want to face the fact that they put their kid in danger. But he'll find that if he sits down with her and talks to her, and brings to light that if his father isn't afraid to hit him, they what about his sister/brother thats going to be coming into the world, he probably won't think twice about hitting the baby either. Making his mother really see the danger that she is putting her kids, and herself in.
Let Cole know that you are there for him, and that as hard as it is for you to tell him, or really show it, you do care about him, but have just been scared to tell him. Let him know that when things get rough he can come over and talk with you. Or at least make him promise that if his father is drunk or something, he needs to get either everybody out of the house and avoid confrontation or lock him out of the house. Its no use to talk to someone that is drunk and mad.
When he gets a chance, he should also talk to his father, when he is sober. Or if it is too difficult to talk to him. Write him a letter. Most times the adults around us don't realize what a huge impact their effects have on us. I would often go to school, and purposefully get myself in trouble, so i could feel in control of something in my life. And that may be another reason Cole reacted the way he did with Ashton, because he felt more in control about letting Ashton know that it wasn't okay for Ashton to say that about you, versus when he is at home and watching his father verbally and physically abuse him and his mother.
If Cole talks to his parents, and nothing happens for the better, he does need to leave. Either tell a school counselor who will be obligated to notify authorities, and remove him from his house hold (which is incredibly traumatic, I can't begin to describe the feeling of having to talk to detectives about what happens in your house, knowing that they might take you away from the people you love)or tell your parents, and see if you can arrange for him to stay at your house for a period of time. till things are fixed and it is a safe environment for him to go back home again.
-CalamitySami
(ps: I'm sure there is more that i forgot to write, but this is something i know a lot about from personal experience, so please email me if you have any other questions or if he tries something and the situation gets worse)
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The only thing I know to say is, just tell him, and show him you mean it from your heart. He needs you. I have a guy friend that I love a lot and his dad is abusive also. Just tell Cole that you really truly care about him and that you do like him, but you were just scared. Maybe you can let him stay at your house when his dad is being an ass.
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