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anti-physicalness
my boyfriend of a yr and a half sexually assualted me. we broke up in november. a good guy friend of mine has liked me for awhile now, about 5 months? anyway.. he asked me out recently, and i said i didnt want anything serious right now. he understood bc he knows the situation. im startin to fall for him [again] and we basically act like we go out now except for the fact that we dont. im worried about being with him, because obviously along with relationships, comes the physical stuff. ive made out with him, but thats definitely as far as that goes. im worried about being with another guy because of what my ex did. obviously if i go out with my good friend, we wouldnt just jump into stuff because im not like that, it would take time. but the thought of that still scares me, i worry about what if we do end up lasting for awhile. i know he would want the physical aspect of a relationship, and honestly [most] people do. i know he would understand where im coming from, but i feel like eventually he would get tired of doing nothing, and we'd end up breaking up. help ??
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Not all guys are the same. And this guy friend of yours seems pretty nice. Ive been sexually assualted too but not by a bf or anything it was by a compelete stranger and now im fine but i always caution which guys i go out with. but the guy friend well he seems like a good guy and if i were you id go out with him. If he understands and all then take the plunge. Hes not going to do the same thing the other guy did
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Calm down. You're worrying about all of this way too much. It's fine, perfectly fine, and makes so much sense in your situation to take things slow. Think about what you are worrying about. Would you really want to be with a guy who would break up with you for not wanting sex (or feeling you up, or whatever you aren't comfortable doing)? If this guy has liked you for five months without anything physical, without actually being in an established relationship, he's probably not going to suddenly not like you because of your unease with more physical-ness. He's probably happy to be getting the physical-ness he IS getting from you, the making out, since you've just gotten out of a serious relationship not too long ago, and he knows this.
You could think about it another way, too: once you've been felt job, had some kind of more serious sexual experience with this guy, what else is there to do? Is he going to get bored because there is nothing else to progress to? Relationships don't bore people because of a lack of physical-ness. Let's just clear that up right now. The whole point of being in a committed, more long term relationship anyway is that you know that eventually you'll be slightly less passionate, but that's okay because you also know you enjoy talking to the person, going places with them, just being with them in general. That's all relationships come down to. That's why people even have the ability to settle down and live together until they are old and grey and have erectile dysfunction - I mean, it is love you're looking for, right?
Don't let this past relationship be a mark on the other ones. Don't worry about how your needs will affect some future scenario and just accept that they are your needs and move on with it. Honestly, I'd be so much more worried about this guy getting bored of you if all you did was let him get physical. Yes, that's exciting, but that's the stuff that ultimately gets old quickly with nothing else to back it up. And besides, you don't have to worry about this lasting. Just think of dating him as trying out something, because that's all it is in the meantime. If anything, ask yourself questions like "how much do I like him?" and "how much do we get along?". When it comes to the physical aspect, take things as they come. If his hands go under your shirt and you feel uncomfortable, say so, and don't worry about why you feel this way. Just feeling a certain way is perfectly justifiable, you don't need a reason, really. If it's bugging you, seek a counsilor/therapist of some sort to talk through the bad feelings coming from the sexual assault.
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You should give it a chance i know you just got out of a bad relationship it doesnt mean its gunna happen again. So it won't happen let him know that you want to take it slow. He has liked you for about 5 months i don't think he is going to hurt you. Best of luck. ps the good ones don't get tired of doing nothing.
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