|
What..the...?
Riiight. This story has a lot to it. Bear with me if you can be bothered :)
So, this girl Julia was going out with a guy called Damien. Julia was cheating on him with his BROTHER for about 8 months.
Recently she found out that she was pregnant, BUT she doesn't know who's the baby is yet (she was having sex with both of them)
Now she's bout 2/4 months pregnant, she's gonna keep it. Her parents kicked her out of the house.
And this is where I come in.
She came to my door at about one AM. with her bag and said that she'd been kicked out.
She doesn't know how she's gonna manage from now- too late to get an abortion. She is considering giving the baby away- to be adopted..but I'm getting more and more involved. I had to explain to Damien that Julia had been cheating on him, with his brother. His brother knew that Julia was with Damien, but he didn't really care. Now Damien and me are getting close after spending so much time together discussing things, sorting them out.
Julia is very, very, VERY pissed off at me for talking to Damien a lot. But she said that she's worried if it's Damien's kid, he'll have to find out and he will hate that.
His brother, Tom wants to be the dad of the baby, BUT he doesn't know that Julia was sleeping with Damien. SO if it turns out to be Damien's, Tom will leave Julia.
Also, My parents hate the fact that Julia is living with us, and we have to f*cking support her financially...Well we don't but my parents are, and Julia doesn't even say a word of thanks, she just bloody complains how her room is too small, and she doesn't have enough money to buy the things she wants and so on.
Please tell me what to do, I've started to dislike Julia, I agree with my parents 100% and me and Damien kissed yesterday for the first time. I am falling for him and seriously, he's not a bad guy at all. He's very sweet but Julia didn't appreciate him enough.
Ahhh =[
Btw, these are the details:
Damien-15/m
Julia-17/f
Tom-19/m
Me-15½/f
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sorry, but why do you have to go through this torture? If Julia is your bestest friend ever than sure, but she needs and attitude check. If not, then why are you doing this to her. I agree with the girl below me. She definitely needs a new alternative. Your not her mom or her caregiver. It's her fault she's pregnant and she has to deal with it. PS. that's really disgusting how she had sex with a 15 year old. If Tom's the dad, that definetly good news for Julia and for you because you get Damien. But if Damien's the dad...how is he going to support her and the baby?
Good luck!
]
Shockingly, I've been in a similar situation.
Give Julia an ultimatum. With your parents help determine the last day she is allowed to stay in your home. After that, she needs to find an alternative.
I know, that sounds awful, but it will likely be the ONLY way she will mend things with her parents, crawl back to them and beg their forgiveness and indulgence the way she should have in the first place!
This is HER PARENTS job to deal with, support and to help her make decisions. Not your parents and DEFINATELY NOT YOURS. Send her packing. Send her home.
It is NOT your job, or your parents job to speak to Julia's parents. It is her job. You can offer help, but only after she has taken the first step. Tell her she must do it by the end of this month or she will have to move out immediately.
If that communication fails with her parents, set a new date by which she must contact a support facility for teen mothers and a social worker, and with input from that facility or group home and social worker, set a date by which she must be out of your home.
As for your friendship with Damien: Cool it. Not because it bugs Julia, but because it drags you into the middle of a mess you really shouldn't and don't want to be a part of. They are all too young to be dealing with this, but they don't have a choice. You do and you should try and make the right one. Take a step back from this mess.
Just tell Damien this: "Look, this is drama filled and although I really want to be your friend I need to slow things down until I've removed Julia from my life, because this could become toxic and dangerous for me if I don't. I AM going to remove her from my life, and as I soon as I do, I hope you'll let me support you as a friend the way I should."
Pass along my suggestion to your parents. They need to become extremly firm with her, and that is tough because she isn't technically thier child. What they need to do however is be the tough love in the interm and FORCE her to face her responsiblities, her arguments with her parents and to get suppport from the state. It might be a lot of work to remove her, but it's less work then it is to support her AND her child. And it wont stress them out for years. If you need more guidance in managing this, please ask a question to my inbox. I'm happy to help.
I recently had a friend and her young child come to stay with me for a 'short while' because the father had kicked them out. It dissolved into a nightmare situation, but at least it's given me some skills to deal with situations like these.
For your own sake, cut down your involvment in this. For your parents sake, encourage them to get tough with her.
]
This is really horrible and sad. This has to be the saddest letter i've ever read, I'm so sorry for all of you.
Okay, the first thing you've got to do is to go to Julia's parents and convince them to let her back in. I know that this is will be difficult to do, but somebody must go to them and ask her to take her back in.
This is the most horrible position to be in, and i can understand that you're getting annoyed with her and frustrated but she still needs support on both sides.
Tell her parents to accept her back because this is the most difficult time for her and she needs the support from her family, no matter what they think. Family should remain together and support each other, for that is what keeps families together.
Remind Julia's mother what it was like when she was pregnant with Julia, i can imagine that she had her husband there to help and support her, but Julia doesn't have what her mother had. She's alone with nobody to guide her, she's even giving up her grandchild just to accepted back. If you do this, you'd be doing Julia a the very best peice of help anybody is giving her!! Her parents shouldn't punish the baby, just because of what the mother as done (from a piece of advise i was given and it really helped a lot in my cousin's situation)
As for her behaviour, you must understand that she's under a lot of pressure. She's giving up her child to be raised by strangers whom she may never meet, just to be accepted back into her family. She's giving up the one child which she got and there is nothing more precious to a young mother than her child and to give it away is something which no woman should have to go through. Also remember that she's thinking about her parents and the break up of a family, imagine how you'd feel if you were is her position. You'd feel very upset wouldn't you?
As for Damien, approach him and let him know what Julia is going through and he must be prepared to accept the fact that Julia could be carrying his child. Do the same for Tom.
Ask your parents to help you, if you want, you can ask them to go to Julia's parents and you can go to Damien and Tom. It's not as if you're trying to get rid of her, you're trying to give her the best help possible.
Golly, this is the longest answer yet! I hope this helps you and good luck with the future, for you, the child's, for everybodies sake. If you need any extra help: e-mail me or ask a question directly to my inbox,
triquetra
]
You have welcomed Julia with open arms and what has she done to repay you? Oh yeah-bitch and whine about a situation she go herself into- that is SOOO not cool and not fair at all. She should be kissing the ground you walk on, along with your parents, because where would she be right now without your support and help?
So if she is gonna be ungreatful, kick her to the curb and send her packing because obviously she has some issues she needs to work out, and I personally think that that would teach her a lesson.
And it is cute that you and Damien are really close, because you both deserve love and respect, something that Julia cannot provide to anyone. And if Julia is "jealous" or mad that you are becoming very close with Damien, well it's her own fault, she shouldn't have cheated on him in the first place.
You should just tell her to leave, but if you really don't want to do that, give her two options:
1. She starts cleaning up her act and being nice and greatful towards you and your family or the dirt road will be her best friend
2. She leaves and won't be able to come back.
I hope i helped and don't let Julia get you down :]
]
Personally? I'd kick Julia out. You didn't ask her to move in with you and if she doesn't appreciate it, sorry. That's her fault. She shouldn't have been sleeping around with two guys [especially not one thats younger than her.]
Julia isn't you problem. If Damien and Julia aren't a thing anymore than you have full rights to be with Damien. Buut, to save yourself the trouble, I might would tell Julia what's going on. Encourage Julia to tell Tom what's going on, and convince her to give the baby up for adoption. No seventeen year old wants a baby to keep up with 24/7. She can't possibly afford it, and it would just make her impose even more upon other people. If she gave the baby to a nice couple or person that can afford and love the baby-- well, that'd be a better ending to the story for everyone.
If Julia doesn't want to see or know of the baby after she gives it up, there's always closed adoption;; or if she wants to be in it's life.. well, then there's open adoption.
]
More Questions: |