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Are we a couple or just friends with benefits?
(I'm 17/f) I've had this huge crush for one of the guys I work with for about a solid year. We would always flirt, but I always thought he was just being his goofy self and didn't know how I really felt. Well about a month ago we finally started hanging out outside of work, and he confessed he'd known how I felt for a long time. We ended up hooking up the day before new years eve, and we've fooled around a lot since then. I'm really happy where we are.
My problem is he wants to keep our fling a complete secret and I'm kind of afraid to ask why. I'm almost positive he likes me too, because he calls me almost every night to talk for like two hours. When we're alone he kisses me softly and holds my hand, all that sweet stuff. But nothing in public or when either of us have friends around. I might be because he's afraid of the age difference (he's 22), but idk. The first night we had sex he told me he "couldn't make any promises" and he made sure I understood, which I said I did.
I'm afraid that if I ask him where he and I are going (IF we're going anywhere), that he'll freak out and stop wanting to fool around altogether. I love being friends with benefits with him, but I want to figure out if there's a chance of a future relationship. How can I ask him without being clingy, desperate, and forward??
Thanks for reading!
-Ames
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wow. dont worry. i feel the same way about somone to. well just ask him and say i doesnt feel right.
maybe that will give him some since. :)
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To be brutally honest, I don't think there IS a way to ask him where you're going without risking the end of whatever you have. But you have a choice; either ask him and get an answer, so whatever happens at least you'll know, or don't ask, stay in the relationship but always have doubts.
You never know, if you ask he might explain everything and you two could sort things out. In my mind, theres 5 reasons why he could be doing this:
1. You're right, all he wants is friends with benefits (but to be honest, with the way you say he acts aroung you, I doubt it)
2. Like you say, the age thing could be a problem for him. (though I don't know the legal situation in the US, here in the UK sex is fine at 16, so if it IS the age he has a problem with I'm guessing it'd be mainly a 'what-will-my-mates-think' situation rather than a law thing)
3. He might not be over an ex - things with you may SEEM great but he could be hiding feelings for someone else too.
4. He's not ready for anything serious.
5. He feels exactly the same way as you - confused and unsure as to what YOU'RE thinking.
In my opinion its most likely to be the 5th :) I've known guys to put on a front just to stop getting hurt, so the best thing is just ask him straight out.
Hope everything works out for you!
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The age difference may have a lot to do with your situation. He's 22-years-old and you are 17-years-old. While not a huge gap until you are 18 you're a minor.
That's a huge problem for him as he's viewed an adult. You can bet this may be why he's hiding the relationship so he doesn't get in trouble before you are 18.
He may be afraid that if anyone found out you were fooling around or around or having sex that he could be in legal trouble. It is/will be against the law regardless.
There's a chance that you may be the "other" woman and that he could have a steady girlfriend or even be married at 22.
He may be afraid that if your relationship went to hell at some point that this tension could affect his job and yours as the workplace is small and relationships are frowned upon.
What do you need to do? Be forward! Ask him for the truth and where you stand with him. Tell him that you aren't willing to be secretive or hide the facts any longer.
There's something wrong here and when he wants to hold everything secret and not let people know he's even a friend let alone more it's wrong. I would run if I were you.
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It seems like you might just be friends with benefits. As opposed to a couple, which would actually tell other people about it, make it public (not necessarily with PDA), and hang out with other friends, things seem to be undercover. The age difference could be why. The only real reason you will find out if there is a chance of making something out of the friendship into something more would be to ask him directly. If he flips out and breaks things off then he probably didn't have the same ideas you did about things. If he responds positively then there would probably be a better chance than him not saying anything and you not asking. You shouldn't be led in the dark, and if you are going to be his friend he should be honest with you anyways. Hope that helped and good luck.
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