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To let her move in or not, that is the question.
My gf (f/28) of 1.5 yrs. hates where I (m/36) live and often complains that the traffic/crime/people are really bad. Long story short she will not come to my place unless the electricity has been turned off at hers and complains that it's tiny compared to hers which she rents at a discount becuz her bff runs the apt. complex. Recently she's begun coming over to my place more often due to the fact that she has a temp. job in the area but now due to several murders that have occurred in her apt. complex causing her and her bf to consider moving, she says she's going to make me upgrade to a two bedroom apartment and move in with me since I signed a 9 mo. lease a few mos. back in disregard of her plea that I move in with her. I'm at a loss and rather tired of the pressure she applies re: this issue, I already spend big $$ on gas to get to her place and she is unwilling to meet me halfway regarding how much time we spend at each others apt. I feel she's being a hypocrite and would like to know what you think I should do.
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Money and distance and different lifestyle are the main reasons for break ups. Move on.
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You are currently feeling put-upon and resentful, if nothing else, those are two damn good reasons not to move in with this woman. You two can't see eye-to-eye on your separate living arrangements, no need to make a stressful issue even worse by narrowing the proximity.
Couples who think moving in together will solve their problems might be even dumber then couples who think having sex with solve their problems…
Regardless of the complete truth of the situation, if you perceive this situation as one where she is going to 'make you upgrade' you should seriously reconsider whether the two of you can compromise sufficiently to stay together.
You are on the road to a break-up, which frankly, I think you are damn well aware of and are simply looking for some support on this one issue which is just a smokescreen for your larger dissatisfaction with the relationship…
You need someone to agree with you and I'm happy to oblige. Your relationship sounds neither healthy nor well-balanced. End it already. If you are not yet prepared to end it, then gently and firmly support your girlfriend as she finds a new place to live, without you.
Whatever you do, call a spade a spade hun. If what you really want is out, get out.
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ADDITIONAL INFO: To be blunt you would be a bloody fool to define the living arrangement terms with her. That's like stepping on a land mine when you knew it was there. Drop that animosity routine with her because it will lead to an epic power struggle. Have her move in and try to live in harmony or she'll be gone.
ORIGINAL:
How much do you want her to remain your girlfriend? The answer is let her move in and split everything down the middle. Make sure her name is on your new lease as well as yours. It means that while she can leave she can't stiff you with her half of the rent.
She made the mistake of continuing to live in a bad neighborhood and put you and your place down. Now that people have been murdered in her building not once but often she changes her tune. Wouldn't you if you were her?
She needs to be safe and you ought to care about that above any remarks she made in the past. She's not being a hypocrite here she's just woken up to the fact her place is dangerous. Let her move in. Things will be a lot better when you do. You'll find the relationship will become stronger and might head towards marriage. If you can't live with her than what are you doing being with her?
You can count on a lot of strife if you don't let her move in and possibly the relationship will dissolve. I'm writing this from a male perspective. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You better let her move in or you won't know the end of it.
That's what happened with a friend and there were tons of fights/problems at first but they're getting hitched soon. You never know this could in fact have benefits.
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