|
Getting out
OK...I want to leave my husband. He doesn't beat me or anything like that, we are just in a loveless marriage. I work a part time job right now, only making minimum wage. I was just wondering if anyone could tell me the steps I need to take on getting out on my own? Like, where do I find low income housing & things like that. I have 3 children by the way. Thanks for any advice you can give.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Work & School category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Personal Finance?
If you have truely fallen out of love then it will be smart to leave, but, if it's something that can be fixed by all means and for the sake of the children try and fix it. Make sure you are giving your all and you have exhausted every option before divorce, so at least you can look at yourself and your kids and say "hey at least I tried" Figure out why your not happy, are you spending time together? Doing things as a family? One thing I have noticed when relationships begin to fail it's because people have a tendency to fall into a routine, and get too comfortable. Try and keep things spiced up, do something differnt and make sure you are spending time alone. Have a date night without the kids! Try and rekindle the flame and if all else fails then you know what you have to do. If you do decide to leave you can turn to family or friends, I would then recommend getting a full time job, and since you have children your husband will be responsible to pay child support to you as well which will help you care for them.
]
The answer really depends on how long the marriage has felt "loveless." I am not married myself, but I know enough to realize that in a marriage, you aren't always going to be head over heels in love. There are going to be periods of time where you don't even feel like you love the person. If it has been a few years and you are miserable, then I understand wanting to leave/get a divorce. If it has been a relatively short amount of time, try and stick it out. Things could get better.
As far as steps to get out go, you will definitely need to find something full time rather than a part time job. You have three kids, so you will have to support yourself and either pay child support if your husband has the kids or support the three children yourself. I suggest you find a steady job that pays more and offers more hours before you even think of leaving the home you're in. Save up some money so you're capable of leading a stable life on your own.
]
Think about this first. You have to be sure you want to leave him. I understand he doesn't beat you, and that its just your not in love as you used to be. First, think about your kids. You may have to split and give at least one of your kids to your husband. Actually, you need enough money to buy another home, then let him down easy. You can get through this.
]
Im so sorry your marriage hasn't worked out. You do need to talk to him about this if you haven't already.
Look in local newspapers for house/apartment rentals. See if there is a housing association who could help. Go and see your local council to see if there is a housing list. Check out any advertisments in shop windows. Ask around, you may find word of mouth could get you a place before it gets into the papers.
If it's an amicable split you may find that your husband will help with the finances, in he should anyway with regard to the children.
You don't say how old the children are but if there are after school clubs or someone that can share after school childminding, you could increase your working hours to help with costs. Perhaps you could look for a better paying job?
You need to look at splitting the household into what is yours and his, although be warned, this can get messy emotionally and verbally. You also need to look at whether you have to take furnishing with you and decide what.
If you have joint bank accounts and both of your names on all the bills you will need to sort this out. If you don't take your name off bills and your husband should default on any, you could be liable for some, or all, of the repayments even though you are no longer together.
You need to prepare the children, let them know that although mom and dad don't love each other any more, nothing will ever stop both of you loving them. The chances are that if they are older than toddlers, they will have picked up that all is not well in the house.
Just be totally sure you are making the right decision, it's very hard to go back after taking such a massive step. Maybe try family councilling first?
]
More Questions: |