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Best Friend, Boyfriend Trouble


Question Posted Sunday October 21 2007, 5:26 pm

I'm really troubled here. My best friend, (let say she is) Sara, is dating this guy (lets say he is Mike) that had just recently moved into my neighbor, like he lives two houses down so I usually see him in the morning, going to school. She told me that they were dating because they met through a friend or something but anyways, since we head for the bus in the same direction, we often see each other and usually we have conversations and we go to school together. But now, one of my other friends told me that Sara is mad at me because she saw me and Mike together laughing and walking home. I guess she thinks that I am trying to steal him away but I am not. He just happens to be a really funny person and he makes me laugh most of the time.

One time I was heading home and Mike and Sara came out of the building. Mike called out to me and I turned to look, and Sara kind of turned really angry and hostile. I knew it was awkward so I tried to end the conversation but it didn't really work. And then Sara was acting really possesive as if I was going to steal him away like that. And another time, when we were in this party with a whole big group, she kind of made out with him in front of me I guess to show that she was the actual girlfriend. I just find that really stupid because I am not even trying to steal him away in the first place, why does she have to act like that? I tried to talk to her but she act like she didn't care and she didn't believe me, I told her how ridiculous this was and she shouldn't be mad because nothing is going on between me and Mike.

But things got really bad recently, some stupid person made some rumors that Mike liked me, and it got Sara even more fired up, she came up to me and was calling me names and everything and was saying how I was flirting with Mike and how I was such a slu*, I got really mad and I slapped her, then we had this big fight where we got suspended.

So I'm stuck at home, grounded because of this but I really want to know a solution, I just don't want Sara to hate my anymore, I mean we've been friends for three years, I don't want to lose everything to a guy. But I know Sara, she can be a person who gets jealous really easy and she holds a long grudge. So I'm afraid that things will get even more messy and out of hand, like some big commotion might start at school, can anyone give me any suggestions? I tried to talk to her before, she just wouldn't listen. Can anyone help?


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beckyboo5291 answered Monday October 22 2007, 12:23 am:
You shouldn't have to stop talking with Mike. Just go to Mike one day (when your not grounded) and tell him that someone started a rumor that you liked him and that your setting the record straight that you do not like him.
Then tell Sara that you told him that you didn't like him. Then she'll know that you really don't like him. And then maybe you can go back to being friends.

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Jeanne answered Sunday October 21 2007, 11:43 pm:
Well, the first thing you have to realize is that Sarah is not going to change. She's obviously insecure about her relationship with Mike, and fears that he will leave her for you or another girl. And nothing you say to her is going to convince her otherwise.

Sooo... if your friendship with her is really important to you, then YOU will have to be the one to change. Tone it down with Mike and don't talk to him as much. Don't walk home with him. Avoid him when you see the two of them together. And don't do ANYTHING that would give Sarah, Mike, or other gossipy people the impression that you like him.

Yeah, it's not fair. Talking to Mike and being friends with him is not wrong. But it IS causing problems in your friendship with Sarah. So if you really want to keep her as a friend, you'll have choose whether you want to be friends with her, or with Mike.

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holahayley56 answered Sunday October 21 2007, 9:25 pm:
Why don't you IM her boyfriend or something. Maybe make him set the records straight. What I would do, if I was in this situation. I'd meet sara and mike somewhere. and i'd just be like, sara, i'm really sorry if you think i'm flirting with mike. i promise i'm not, or atleast i'm not trying to. i really value our friendship. and i don't want a guy to become between us. you need to trust me. and mike. Mike, can you please tell sara that you like her and not me, and that there is nothing between us, we just live near eachother, and walk to the bus. Sara, its not a big deal, but if you have a problem with us walking down there, then we won't, your my friend, and i really don't want to lose you as a friend. so can we please just move on from this?

thats what i would say.
hope it works out.

try to be really calm, and everything, when talking. don't get any fights. just be very nice about it.

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wisemen answered Sunday October 21 2007, 9:11 pm:
well since your friend "sara" doesn't talk to you then talk to "mike" about whats going on and tell him you would rather him not talk to you and you not talk to him. then maybe he will tell "sara" about whats going on and that will make things better. Hope all goes well!

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