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Am i Being selfish?
i just broke up with a guy that i was going out with for almost 3 years and this is actually the 3rd time that i break up with him but than the 2 times he started crying and i felt bad and i got with him but my parents dont like him and i think that is enough reason why i shouldnt be with him but than wen i broke up with him today he called me back and he started crying and telling me i'm being selfish i mean i belive im not i hate myself for putting him through this and he dose not understand that i need to be alone right now? Am i being selfish we are not young people we are adults help me
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No, I don't think your being selfish. You want time to yourself ALONE. That's understandable. He is just upset because 3 years is a long time to spend with someone. It's okay to feeling bad that your putting him through it, but just tell him you need time alone and if you do decide anything else you'll call him. ♥
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It doesn't matter why you don't want to be with him.
It doesn't even matter if you want to be alone for 'selfish' reasons.
When you don't want to be with someone, you dump them. That is only fair, to you and to them.
You can't stay with someone because you 'are supposed too', or out of guilt. Those aren't real relationships, those are lies.
Getting back togeather with him would be telling him a lie. Don't do it.
Tell him he isn't helping either of you deal with the break up with his begging and crying. Tell you wish it didn't hurt him, but know it will, and that YOU CAN'T HELP HIM with this pain. The person who caused the pain can't help the other person work through it.
Then stop taking his calls, at least for a few weeks.
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Even tho this feels like a very complicated problem to you, the answer is very simple- It doesn't matter WHY you don't want to be with this person anymore, you want to break up. You don't need to justify it to him, yourself, or anybody. But if you stay with him, them you are only doing so because you feel sorry for him. You can't have a relationship based on PITY. . It's not fair to either of you. You should be dating people who are fun, positive and have some self respect, not some manipulative cry baby. He needs to man-up and find someone who WANTS to be with him, and not because he guilt- trips them into doing so.
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No your not being selfish. YOu just want a break, you want, for him to cut you some slack.
But here is the thing, your parents not liking him, is not at all a reason for you not to be with him, cause if you really love someone with the real meaning of love, you wouldn't give a shit about what anyone thinks, or about who likes him or not.
So just think things over, cause obviously, its not everyday that everyone of us dates a guy for 3 whole years, without loving him so much.
So just think again, about him, about you, about you guys together, about all those memories, good times and bad times, about why your taking this decision, about whether you'll go back and regret it later on.
And if this is a temporary action or decision ,then tell him , you just want a break, a break to think things over, to be alone, to spend time by yourself. He'll understand, he'll understand that one.
And during that break, think about all that i told you about, and if you decide to get back ,then thats good for you and a relief for him, but if not, then tell him so, and back out, he'll get upset, he'll cry like shit, but then, dont' answer his calls, avoid him, and stay away from him for a good long time till he swallows it in, and calms down, and... moves on with his life, like exactly what your gonna do.
If you need any other help, please be free to contact me.
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Your not being selfish. Your expanding your horizon. Let him know that your not feeling the same feelings toward him as you used to, and that he needs to respect your decision. Hope I helped!
-Brina
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