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Grown kids causing headaches
My kids are 24 and 26. We've had a hard time since their dad died 17 years ago. He was an alcoholic and my son has turned into one also. He's had one DWI but I did not bail him out. I left him there to do his time to teach him a lesson. I still can't seem to keep him out of the car. Three times now he has snuck out and driven his sister's car while drunk. I thought all the keys were hidden but I found out this morning that she GAVE him a key to her car! They both work part time jobs and help very little around the house. I know I should kick them out; they could rent if they pooled their resources, -but- I made my husband move out and he was murdered. I'm on the edge, ready for the funny farm. They take almost no responsibility except toward their jobs.
Meanwhile I'm 60 years old and getting so damned tired because I work two jobs to make ends meet. They contribute little to the household. I know I am a failure as a mother and it's too late to try to change things. I did try, though. I tried.
We have no other family and my 'friends' don't want to hear about my problems.
We seem to be so isolated. The future is a black hole.
What do YOU think I should do?!
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hay you need to talk to them. what happened to your husband might be the reason they havent moved out. your not a failure as a mother, you still support them even when they should be out living on there own. you'v done as best you can now its your turn to relax.
you need to tell them that there old enough to take responability and start helping out around the house. you shouldnt have to work two jobs so they can sponge off you, they both work they need to contribute as well by paying some rent. you may not want to ask them for rent but its not fair you working two jobs when you need to relax, your 60 soon you will retire and they cant keep living off you forever.
dont be afraid to stand up for yourself and ask for them to grow up and take responsability, (that might sound harsh but there old enough)
you have supported them for longer then you need to youv done your job being there mom now its time for them to go out on there own and let you relax. you deserve it!
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You sit them down and you tell them they have 30
days to find a place of their own and get out.
You are not a bad mother but your children are lazy adults sponging off of you. They both need full time employment and their own place. Do not allow either of them to have your vehicle. Your job is done. There is not a lot left you can teach them except to
force them into adulthood.
Whatever happened to your husband was not your fault. You would benefit from some al-anon meetings.
Check your local phone book for a chapter in your area. They will help you deal with those things that are not your fault. Yes even now.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good luck!
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You are not a failure as a mother. You can give kids all the tools to make it and it's up to them to succeed. They need to grow up and the only way they will do it is if you get a backbone and kick them out. Don't allow them to rent from you either.
If they aren't forced out they'll never shape up and make something out of themselves. It's fucking ridiculous for them to expect you to pay their way and take on two jobs. You're 60-years-old what the hell are you doing breaking your back?
The free ride is over and they need to move out immediately. You cannot cave on that. You need to get your own life and they have theirs to deal with.
As far as them finding a place they've got friends, relatives, can get jobs or get on social assistance until they do. Regardless push them out of the nest and they'l figure out how to fly.
You should feel no guilt about kicking them out either. It's time for them to be out on their own. The fact your husband was murdered after you kicked him out has no barring on your current situation.
You also need to inform law enforcement ie his parole officer that your son is driving again under a suspended license and who gave him the keys.
As hard as that will be to do you have an ethical, moral decision to tell to keep him safe and your community safe as well. Both him and your daughter need a reality lesson and a real shakedown. Don't hold anything back either and make sure they get out now.
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