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Over a year relationship and I need adivice
This is pretty long.
First time asking a question here.
I’m 16/f
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months. He’s my first boyfriend. We started dating towards the end of 8th grade and we’re are now in the beginning of sophomore year in high school. Towards the beginning of our relationship he was the one who would always want to hang out and he always said really nice things like “you look beautiful”. And then a little later he would tell me he loved me a lot. I always said it back and I meant it. Then towards the middle of our relationship I was the one who always wanted to hang out and he always had plans with his friends who I used to be good friends with and liked at the time. Well back in middle school I didn’t have many friends that were girls and I was only friends with him and his friends. But then in freshman year I made friends that were girls and I am well aware that I became a little less laid back. But he also seemed a lot different to. His friends became jerks to me and he wouldn’t stand up for me. I wasn’t able to joke around with him anymore he took it all to seriously. He doesn‘t seem to care about anything anymore. Grades, holidays, rules, my interests, and all that kind of stuff. We used to talk online for hours. He is never online anymore. He used to call to hang out all the time. But I found myself being the one to call all the time. I could never see him being one to cheat. But I was always still paranoid. He doesn’t really get along with other girls. I still have a lot of guy friends and he never had a problem with it because he was sort of friends with them. I never hung out with them outside of school. So up to date now, he rarely ever says I’m beautiful anymore or say any of the other nice things that he used to. Unless he’s trying to get me to do something to him. Which I have never agreed to. I just don’t feel ready. Well, actually I don’t find myself wanting to. I don’t find myself as attracted to him as I was before. We don’t seem to have as much in common anymore. During the summer there were a few times where he wouldn’t call me for a whole week or even see me. I would call him but he doesn’t have a cell phone and he was never at his home. He started hanging out with his band a lot. Lately I found myself not being jealous or really being motivated to hang out. We don’t have the same sense of humor anymore. My friends are really fun and outgoing. And I find myself being more like them. Today we had to sit in the auditorium for an assembly. One of my friends that was a male was joking around with him and he got pissed. He has never accepted the fact that I think some of his friends are jerks. He usually doesn’t associate with my friends but today he was talking mean about my friend that was joking around with him and I didn’t think it was fair that I’m not aloud to say anything bad about his friends but it’s alright for him. There are a lot of things like that. Where it’s okay for him to do something in his eyes but then he gets pissed when I do it. When ever we have an argument I’m never aloud to be the mad one. He always makes it about himself. If we’re hanging out and he does or says something that upsets me (which has been happening a lot recently) I just kind of move away from him and just sit there. I would just like for once to not be the one who talks first or apologizes first. He always turns it into some sort of game to see who talks first. It’s always me. If I get angry he makes it about himself and then gets mad at me. Sometimes he curses at me in argument. I told him I don’t like that. I don’t have a problem with cursing at all. But when it’s directed towards me from him in an angry tone. It’s kind of scary. He’s only made me cry once. Well only once in front of him. But he’s made me cry before like after a phone conversation or something. It takes a lot to make me cry. He doesn’t listen to my problems and whenever he does his answers are always to just yell at the person I have a problem with. I don’t think that’s always the best way to handle things. I’ve found my taste in music getting less picky. He loves metal/grunge. I like it too and I grew up with it. But I also like other things and for some reason I can’t even talk to him about that because I know how he acts about that. He will just sit there and tell me how much he hates that band and make me feel stupid for even having the slightest bit of interest in that band. I’ve told him all of this stuff and he doesn’t have much of a response he just makes it about himself. So this is getting pretty long. I guess I'm just venting but I just thought I’d let you know where I’m coming from. I’m not really sure what I’m asking here. But the thought of breaking up has been racing through my mind a lot recently. But the thing is, I can’t imagine being the one to do that. He’s my first boyfriend, I love his family, and I don’t know how he would react at all. Once bringing that up in conversation to your boyfriend I can’t imagine it ever going back to normal. Also we have lunch together and sometimes he doesn’t sit with me which is okay, he has friends too, but I can’t imagine how awkward that would be. We also have art class together. I know those would be horrible reasons not to break up if I’m unhappy. It’s just something that’s been on my mind. My best friend and her boyfriend have been going through a lot trouble in their 2 year relationship and I think that, that might have gotten me thinking about my own relationship. Can anyone tell me what you think and if you have any idea something I could say to him about any of this.
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I think that you should talk to this guy if he doesn't see how things are really going then i think its time that you find some one that really wants to be with you and that actually likes you for you that doesn't mistreats you because i know how thats. try bring with your boyfriend for 6 years and him cheating on you and not wanting you to hang out with you own friends nor his. because that is were things will go. him trying to control your every move who you can talk to, where you can go and even what you can wear.
girl you don't want that trust. well i hope that you do what is right for you remember don't let no man take you down.
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Ok when I WAS with my boyfriend I was in a situation kind of like this. He would never talk to me on the phone for a long period of time and when we had plans he would cancel. We broke up obviously. It hurt both of us but seriously a relationship is about 2 people loving eachother and be happy together. You seem up for it but he really just mistreats you. He has no respect for you and is extremely self-centered. I know that it will be awkward but you have to show him that you dont care what he thinks and that you can have fun without him. You should look at all of your choices of guys and really think about how they would treat you compared to you current boyfriend. He is a jerk I know its hard but you need BADLY to break up with him
good luck :(
_Reilly_ <3
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What I think is that he's like not wanting to show his feelings for you probably he feels uncomfortable,he is selfish for not caring for your feelings,it shouldn't always be about him it also includes you,try to talk to him about what is really going on his mind,if he really cares about the relationship,if he's willing to try to make it work because you don't want the relationship to go down the drain without giving it another shot,and that perhaps the relationship could be saved if he wants to understand you,communicate well with you,not leave you out,and is willing to change his ways.
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my gooooood!!1 im in the SAME situation i swear,, my advice its to compare the good things he's done for you with the bad things,,and see if the baad ones are enough to brake up , or take a brake, and see how you feel,,if hes still interested get back together if hes not or he doesnt show it ..maybe its the best option ...i've written a LOOONG message to you but i erase it by mistake :S so thats why know i try to make it as short as possible , let me know how it goes cause really im in the same situation and i also dont know what to do , my first bf, cant imagine braking up , but im to tired to go on this relationship, we've been together for 2 years but its like a really complicated relationship :S lots of fighting recently and becoming more recent :S so its so confusing please let me know if you find any advice haha even the music part im the SAME way ..he likes heavy metal, i like kind of indie stuff but i also like metal, and he makes me feel like an idiot for liking some bands, people, places ,or even clothing brands
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