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thank you for your words
thank you elcee for you help. at this time i really need some kind of support because i never find it at home. my father turned my mother into what she is now. when someone makes a mistake by god i swear to you he is willing to cut their heads of. so my mother is this irresponsible person that dsnt want to get involved in anything to avoid him, and in these recent years when we are all older, us. so my mother is not so much a mother as much as a representation for the outer world. my sibs are masters of domestic politics.. my best friend is mad at me too. sooooo mad because i lied and said that everything i did was a lie that i told to impress her. which is not true she accepts me for me! and my older sister forbade me from ever talking to her so now i am all alone in this world. i admit i do not like the person i have grown into but i knw if i just fix everything and start again i can grow to like myself and never do any mistakes again without getting away from the fam, because for the longest time that is what i wanted and i blamed them for everything. just an hour ago my father yelled at us all because my sister was being a chauvinistic noble idiot about staying at my brother and sister in laws place on the way to college. she says the house is too tite and our sis in law is pregnant and not in the mood to play hostess which is fine i agree because we are not really close to my sister in lwa. but she dealt with it stupidly and she ended up making my brother angry at his wife and putting my mom as the front and then involving my dad and making him yell at everyone... so now my sis cant go anywhere near college (no education for now but my dad will come around i'm sure) and because of that she is threatening o say what i did..... she keeps saying she will wen ever i get involved in anything including things that concern me. i cant forget the past and move on she wont let me! i want to find a counselor but now my every move is watched! she says i cozzed everything today. its not true i tried to calm things so she dsnt get in trouble since my mom and dad are both mad at her . to be honest her righteousness and her quest to impress them by never doing anything worg or doing the rite thing brot this on her. so now she is more mad thinking that i am the one who did a mistake and IAM THE ONE WHO should be punished. i toldddd her a million time i promise to change its not enough. she is so rude. i swear ruder than you can imagine, when i went to the room she got so angry and threatened to be violent and she shoved me. i am really hurt. and i cant talk to anyone because they think i am a social manipulator and anything i say is not believed. I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE! i hate this situation! how do i get out .... because of the white lies i cant risk getting in deeper and explaining myself and the truth so i dnt get cot, things are still vague. i dont know what they know either, and if i say something its gunna be worse, and i am not even talking about telling my parents.... tho i considered it. but as i've sed it means my mom getting beat up and divorced (which is not good its a social death here and thus financial and everything else) and my sibs will get beaten up so much, and my dad will tell the whole town and we will be condemned. and i won't be living to see this so its worse for my family! my older sister is sooooo mad at me. so i cant talk to her. i dont have any friends anymore because all the westerns think its just weired and i am wired.... as i've sed i chose the wrong crowd....i really cant clear my conscience and i've never felt this guilty or this bad before! how do i solve this?? please please help me i really need someone......
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It must be a very difficult situation for you and I have to be honest and say that I do not understand your culture too well (Turkey). What I believe is that girls are subservient (supposedly) to the men - sorry if that is not true) therefore it seems to me that your father rules you all with a rod of iron. At 24 you should be old enough to go out into the world and make a life for yourself. Is there any possibility that you could arrange to leave home and live in another town? Are you allowed to get a job and earn your own living? At 24 you are considered to be an adult and can make your own decisions, but as I explained I do not know your culture, maybe you cannot leave until you are married. Your sister may well spill the beans on you out of spite and if she does then you may have to consider leaving home anyway. Are there any organisations that could help you? Also you are not responsible for your Mum being beaten up by your father.
As for your best friend, sit her down and explain to her exactly what is going on in your life. Don't lie and don't gloss over the facts. Try to get her to see things from your persepective and maybe she could help you move on.
This is a very difficult question to answer and I wish that I could wave a magic wand but I can't. You do have to accept that you made some bad decisions, but you have learnt from them. There is not one single person in this whole world who hasn't made a mistake and has had to deal with the consequences. Always look the world in the eye and admit you are human and make mistakes. It is how you deal with them afterwards that shape your future. Good luck.
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