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How to find the courage to be my real self?
I desperately want to be my real self but don't have the courage to: I care too much about how other people and society think of me, which makes me frequently succumb to peer pressure and try to be like everyone else. I HATE this cowardice of mine, but don't know how to change. How can I find the strength and courage to be what I truly am?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Well, the instant you stop trying to be something you're not, the people that actually matter, you're real friends, will think the best of you.
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The only thing holding you back and parylsing you is FEAR and what if's versus what truly is. Your classmates have one concern only and its themselves and how they look and sound to everyone else.
They're probably hoping you don't pick up on certain things they do or don't more so than they care what you're doing. The thing is they put this out of mind and get on with things.
Who cares what these people who may not truly know you think? In less than 5 years you won't know half of them and will have excelled past most of them who are bothering you.
Put all of this out of your mind and just go with the flow and without a safety net every day. Your friends will like you no matter what and those who never knew you... it doesn't matter.
As far as peer pressure goes NOBODY makes anybody do what they don't want to. They influence the decision but don't make it for you. Granted they don't make it easy either. But, make a decision to go with peer pressure or not is always yours and cannot be blamed on them. You want to be accepted so you sometimes go along.
You are not a coward. You are however, very fearful. You need to figure out what has made you this way instead of someone who can function normally around other people. You could benefit from seeing a psychiatrist about this and try to break down the mental block that keeps you back and learn tips on how to gradually be yourself in all situations.
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Well my guess would be that you do not have enough people telling you that your real self is wonderful. If you did, it would help you to have the convictions to be yourself. You see none of us grow up knowing who we are, or whether or not the person we are has value. (easy for therapists to say of course each of us is valuable.) But you have to feel it, and how you feel it is by being CHERISHED by your family/parents/guardians. And by that I don't mean spoiled, (like Paris Hilton) I mean cherised and respected and taught to respect other people and that all people have value. Having said that, I think it is OK to want to make a good impression and behave accordingly in front of people. You do want people to like you. We are social animals and need to be liked.
Succumbing to peer pressure is a whole other issue. So you think you are a follower and not a leader? And you have fears about being different.
Of course, kids your age learn about growing up by imitating their friends. That goes away in time. Your personality is still growing.
I mean really do you absolutely ONLY like exactly what your friends like, nothing more and nothing less. YOu must have different opinions about some things. Teachers, clothing styles, music...something. And you will have more as time goes on and you mature. Many of you will grow up and go in different directions.
But it is a good thing to be aware of your tendencies to be affected by peer pressure. It is something that you will have to make a special effort to be sure that you grow out of. Like drugs and alcohol. Do you want to follow that crowd into a life that is a dead end. If you see yourself attracted to those kinds of people, you do have to make an effort to find better people to be involved with. You seem like a very smart person. I think you will be fine. Life is a journey, and the journey through young adulthood is actually the hardest. The person you are today will be totally different 5 years from now. I guarantee it. And you will change again by 10 years. You will have differnt friends, and more confidence in yourself. If you really want to feel better about yourself and feel powerful, find some volunteer work. Where you are helping adults, or seniors or maybe work with children or animals...the people in charge will be so appreciative of you, they will sing your praises and tell you how big of a difference you make, and then you will feel absolutely awesome about yourself. And then you will have the strenght to follow your own path. Helps you to choose a path too. I hope this helps dear.
Good luck to you
Michele
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