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stepdad
I have a stepdad, him and my mom have known each other for about 5 years, and they married each other in October 2004. Don't get me wrong, I like him. Except for the fact that he's super stubborn and always complains about everything. He pays no attention to my dog Daisy, and always goes 'DAISY GET OUT OF HERE' when there's food around because like all dogs, she'll hang around and wait for food to fall on the floor. And she immediately runs to her cage, almost like she's scared of him. Even his friends wives have told my mom about how he treats her like sh*t and doesn't seem to care. He works hard to provide for our family, he works from 9 in the morning to 10/11 at night. I am grateful for how much he does for our family, but now my question reflects on the relationship I have with him.
For some reason, he never seems to 'believe me'. A few months back, I accidentally pushed my foot against my headboard when I was lying down on my stomach on my bed watching TV, and my headboard snapped and fell behind my bed. Even I was surprised, because there are like 12 nails lying there, and I didn't even push that hard! I'm guessing that it's just cheap wood.
Well, today's Saturday, and my mom works on Saturday mornings and he's home on Saturdays. He just went to buy nails because my headboard is /yet/ to be fixed after I've asked him for about 5 months. And it's always like when we ask him to do something, he starts complaining about it. Even the simplest thing like changing my half brother's diaper (I consider him my full brother since I love him dearly), and my stepdad's like 'no, I'm tired.. blah blah blah' and my mom ends up doing it, even after she comes back from her job (she's a waitress, and she's on her feet constantly), or I end up doing it.
Sorry for the long question, but here is my final question. I know that he is stressed out, but why does he take it out on me? Like I said, before he went to buy nails, he goes "I went to look at your bed and I understand if there was like 5 nails, but there are 12 nails there. How hard did you push it?" and he sounded mad.. and I go "Well, not that hard, I already told you, I don't know why it snapped like that. I promise I didn't push that hard." and he goes "Yeah, whatever." and walks away.
Why is he so rude? What did I do? Accidents happen. It's not like I did it on purpose! When he doesn't believe me for stupid things, I almost feel like crying because I feel like I did something wrong. I mean, we're still close and we talk, but sometimes it feels like we're strangers to each other whenever my mom isn't around. My mom also got this Honor Roll student bumper sticker from my enrollment thing at school a few days ago and put it on the part of the car where the paint is, and my stepdad like blew up. It was weird.. In my head I was thinking "It's not like she knew.. you don't have to bitch about it." He makes a big deal out of the silliest things!
I try to do everything to make him proud of me. I watch my brother constantly, I help out around the house, I try to get awesome grades to impress him. I get a pat on the back and my mom is like standing there all like "My daughter is so smart! I'm so proud of you!" (lol). That's another instance in which I like my mom better than him. She gives me sympathy when I need it and encourages me, but I've never seen any sympathy from him or like any emotion.
Why does he hate me?
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I understand how you feel dear. I was married for a second time after I divorced my son's dad, and they didn't like him. He didn't like them, and didn't try to hide it. Oh he (the step dad) was wonderful before we married, but after.....he wasn't.
I tried everything and nothing worked. We even ended up in therapy.
What I finally figured out though was that he was (is) a very unhappy person. Full of self-hatred. I think this is your step dad's problem. I mean it is great that he works hard and supports your family, but your mom works hard too. And she can manage to be happy. Some people would just rather be miserable. They blame all their problems on other people. What happened to your bed was an accident. You didn't do it deliberatly. The fact that he won't change his own son's diaper shows that he is selfish. He also has a problem with mistakes. He thinks people should be perfect and not make mistakes, He tries hard himself never to make any mistakes, oh and when he does, he's got an excuse as to why it isn't his fault (right?!?!)
I'll also bet that he had a hard childhood and was raised by parents that always found fault with him and never thought he could do anything right. Men like this resent it when their children and especially their step children are raised in a more loving and patient way. They think that their wife is being to easy on the kids and they'll grow up to be less than perfect and make mistakes. Well that is what life is all about. we all make them. Can't avoid it. Part of life, all natural.......
He takes things mostly out on the dog, because she is a dumb animal and can't complain, and your mom may not get as upset with him yelling at the dog. But let him try that with one of you kids, I'll bet she'll get on his case if it becomes an every day occurance. I hope it does not.
Bottom line is, your mom must be relieved that she has some financial help and support, so she is not likely to get rid of him. You are right to be bothered by his meaness and lack of enthusiasm for your good grades and good behavior. It really sucks. The people in your life are supposed to love you and support you and be enthusiastic about your accomplishments.
You know, one thing these guys like is praise and compliments themselves. Find something you like about him and tell him. Praise something that he did, or fixed or made. Tell him you think it's awesome that he did that. Be sure and thank him a lot. And if you can work it in without sounding corney or phoney, tell him that you are glad that you mom married him. That goes right to his ego, and he will think much more of you after that, and it may turn out that he will be much nicer.
I know it's kind of manipulative, but hey, you didn't ask for this, and it's one way of dealing with it, that could turn out to be good for you.
IN the end, yOu may have to stick this out until you are old enough to leave. Becase adults have all the power, and you are not an adult yet. Just be respectful and fair. A normal adult could not ask for more than that. Remember that it is not you. It is him. Your mom will realize it some day and maybe will lay down the law and show him the door if he doesn't change. I wish you all the luck in the world honey. Get smart and get a good education and some employable skills so you can leave and be on your own as soon as you are 18.
Michele
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Personally I would sit down with your mom and explain to her how you feel like he is treating you like crap. Tell her everything you just said maybe she will understand a little bit more and talk to him so that he will be nicer. If that doesn't work try to talk to him. Tell him that you don't appreciated him being rude to you and ask him if he could please act nicer toward you. I know my dad vents on me because he has no one else to and he blows up about little things. If you need more help send me something in my inbox
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Hope I helped
good luck!
Be strong don't let him make you feel crappy!!
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