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Which group should i spend my time on?
(14/F)
Hello, I was hoping you could help me out on this problem; it may be a little long, sorry.
I don’t know how to start, I mean, this is about my guy friends. I don’t know which ones I should spend my time with, and which I should not. Let me start from the beginning. I have these guy friends which I have known for about 3 years. They were with me since elementary school, through out middle school. Three out of the five of them, I still talk to throughout this summer. We are all going to different high schools, just to let you know. Okay, so I have realised which out of the five, are my true friends and which weren’t. So that was settled, I would spend my time with those three and my girl friends. Then, they are the guys from middle school I met this April, grade 8 year. They have always been in my school, but I had never talked to them before. They are three guys. We had our laughs and jokes and everything through the year and up to Graduation. At Graduation, we took many pictures and had a great time. After that, the only time we talk is on msn. Okay, that was some background information, and here is the difficult part. The three guys I mentioned earlier (The one I went to elementary school with), they actually call me up and talk to me and make plans. So I know that they care. The three guys that I met in April are a different story. Seems like I always have to start a conversion with them, they never start one with me. One of those three guys, lets call him C, he actually starts a conversation SOMETIMES, and talks properly. We met up ONCE. The other guy, lets call him N, he NEVER starts a conversation with me on msn, I always have to start it, and when he talks, it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me. The last one, lets call him B, he only talks to me if I start a conversation with him, or if it is in the night and no one else is online. The other three guys (the ones I went to elementary school with) they would always start a conversation with me and wouldn’t hesitate. They are always there for me. See, those three guys, (B, N, C), they are close with my some of my other girl friends, but it doesn’t seem like that with me. I mean, one of my best friends, she always on msn and therefore her and N got closer. B and my other friend are probably going to start dating soon, and C is always busy with his own stuff. I use to have a crush on B and N, and I know I am just jealous that they are all so close and I am not. I have read and I know, that I should pay attention to the people who care about me, not the others one. But there is always that side of me that wants to talk to them all day. I feel horrible, because I feel like I am giving much more importance to the ones who do not care rather then ones who do. I just really don't know, if I should try and “save” the friendship that we have or should I not because we are all going to different high schools anyways. I should not make them a priority in my life when I am just an option in there’s. How can I stop thinking about them and start focusing on the ones who really do care for me? I really do try, but something just keeps pulling me back to them. I already know what they think of me, and they do like me. i guess i just want to keep my image in their minds, ake sure they dont forget me.
Thank you so much, I appreciate you taking the time to read this and helping me out.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
HI HOney,
Thanks for leaving a question in my in box. I understand your concern, and I hope that I can help. When we are young we get to meet sooo many people. Kids we go to school with, kids in our neighborhoods, cousins, friends of our friends. And if we belong to a dance class or girls scouts, we meet even more. (I know, guys too.) And of course, very friendly people, like I think you are, want to hold on to all of these friendships. It seems to me that you put a great emphasis on friendship, and that is great. That will serve you well all through your life. But you can't put those feelings into other people. Some people are just happy with one or two friends. Some people can only be friends with one to two people at a time.
And that is not all.....
I understand your wanting to be as important to B, N, and C, as they are to you. But we cannot place feelings of what is important and what is not, inside of people. If we could, all parents would be able to instill in their kids the importance of growing up to be doctors or lawyers, or be good, and stay out of trouble, etc. etc.
So you understand you can't make someone feel something they don't. But don't despair. You are friends with these boys, and they will not forget you. You are just not uppermost in their minds right now. For whatever reason they are each interested in persuing a closer relationship with the other girls that you mentioned. And i probably has nothing to do with you, personally.
Now I would venture a guess that these relationships that they are working on have a good chance of not going very far, or lasting very long. And the reason is their ages. You are all so young and if you have been observant, you have known many young people who have liked each other this week, and two weeks later, they like someone else.
I suggest you let some time pass before you initiate any contact with B,N, or C. Wait a few months, I would even suggest 6 months, then out of the blue, IM them, or make a point to run into one of them, and I'll bet they'll be happy to see you, and you guys will pick up where you left off, and a closer relationship may even grow out of it.
But be careful here, because if they felt that they could have had you before, easily, they may not put any effort into a relationship and just want to use you. Always be careful of that. Don't let people use you.
Another thing, You are starting school, in about a month, I got the impression that you are starting high school. for the first time? Is that right?
Well, you are going to meet sooo many new people, boys and girls and you are going to be so busy. You'll hardly have time to think about B,N, & C. And when you do run into them, or talk to them on-line, you'll have a lot to talk about. YOu can ask them about their high schools, and who did they meet, and what classes are they taking, etc. etc.
If you want B, N or C to show more interest in you, I can tell you this. Boys (and men) like girls (and women) who have confidence in themselves. Confidence is very sexy.
Good luck to you dear, and please feel free to write again if you like, or if you need me to explain further on something I wrote here.
GOod luck to you
Michele
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