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self conscious / confused but YOUNG!!!
im 14/f young, and confused. im super self consious. my friends are all pretty, curvy ..everything! everytime i look at myself i just think of ugly and kinda fat. ive gained 15 lbs. since last year. all guys look at them and not me. im really selfconsious about my personaliy and my body.
-theres also my friend, i have mixed feelings for her because i used to hate her. and it seems like she took my spirit away, becuase i kind of lost mine when she found hers(in a way) and i get quiet and im just really confused. i used to be really loud, but i cant open up anymore. and im not usually a quiet person..
right now my heads in knots!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I'm sure you aren't the only one in your group of friends. You may think they are pretty but inside they may feel ugly and self conscious too. It's somewhat confusing. My beautiful friend, I always thought she was perfect but she thought she was ugly, fat and weird. It's really strange because she always brought herself up to be some talented artist who was sweet and pretty. But she pushed aside her thoughts and embraced who she really was. Many people find her attractive even though in middle school, people rarely looked at her.
If it would make you happy, maybe try working out. Maybe some crutches. It could boost your self esteem. It's funny, I'm not the prettiest girl in my area.. and I was just like you for 3 years. It sucks. I always thought my friends got more guys and that no guy looked at me.. but if you're always looking after your friends.. wondering what they have and what you don't.. you won't be happy and you won't notice the guys around you. you said you were quiet so maybe you need to get away from your friends a bit and try to open up more around guys. it sometimes feels like your friends are your competition and you just let something pass you by, because you feel like you CAN'T get it... like a conversation with a guy or something.
you need lots of confident because it attracts a guy and it makes LIFE a lot more fun. think positive thoughts. it took me almost 2 years to do that and don't be like me waiting so long, it ruins your whole school experience. you want to be happy and not worry about others. you may think you aren't a super model beauty but if you feel beautiful and act like it.. then people will look at you another way. you don't need to go telling people that you're beautiful, just FEEL it. it sounds weird, but it's a start. list all the good things about yourself. you could always get a friend to help you out. what words describe you?
you said "ugly" "fat" "quiet"
don't be so negative. if you keep thinking that way, you're going to get deeper down and you won't like your friends because you keep comparing yourself to them.
think you are beautiful, not fat and outgoing.
you could work on your appearance if you must and try to open up. the more you try, the closer you'll be.
Go on a diet, drink no soda, go running, work out, play a sport or something that would tone up your body. get your hair done.. your eyebrows.. buy a new outfit. it sometimes boosts your confidence. ask your friends to give you a makeover. ask your friends to find you a date and try to go on a big group one.
try to come out of your shell. be happy and stop staring at your friends. you are your own person. you don't need to look like them. you have your own beauty. you need to walk, dress and talk with confidence. it's really hard to gain confidence especially if you have jealously issues. i'm still half way..
try thinking a person is pretty but not about something you want for yourself. that could be difficult at times. embrace your body and your personality. you hit a speed bump in life, get back up again.
sometimes friends can change you for the better or worse. were you a lot more happy before that one friend came along[you used to hate?]
you could always try making some new friends.
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Its your age hun. You could be a sumermodel and still see a negative reflection in the mirror. So you are thick...big deal...it happens. There are guys that dont like super skinny girls. Trust me , I live with one. Right now, you are at an age where you are physically and emotionally changing. Some people change more than others in different ways. You are experiencing emotional issues that comes along with it.
You feel alone, ugly, you feel like no one cares. When you have a friend that is everything you want to be. It makes it worse. Sometimes changing your appearence helps YOU feel better. Buy some clothes, (they dont have to be expensive) Do your hair different, do your make up different. Then go mingle. When you are around the same people too much, things become routine, there is nothing to look forward to. If that doesnt work, talk to someone like a parent, or teacher, it could be you are going into a depression and you need somone to talk to...that doesnt make you a bad person...many teens go through it. Especially now a days.
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All girls worry (Well most do anyway) that they're ugly and fat compared to their friends. You say guys don't look at you but how would you know if you spend your time searching the crowd to see who's looking at your friends lol, chances are there's a guy who you aren't paying any attention to that's looking at you!
The more you worry about your personality the worse it will become, if you used to 'hate' this so called friend, there must of been a reason why and it's left you the worst out of the two of you. You need to become friends with a bigger range in people because sometimes hanging out with the same girl all the time is going to get you down sometimes, you need to have some fun again, you're only 14!
You say you've gained 15lbs since last year, i don't know how heavy that makes you so i can't really comment on that issue but i'd advise you to make a fuss of yourself for once instead of worrying.
If you don't like that 15lbs, lose it! While you're at it join a new club/team to help you and you'll make new friends which will probably make you happier. Get a new haircut, make-up or clothes to cheer yourself up and will make you look and feel more confident in yourself, just have fun doing it.
Your friends are probably exactly the same as you in the way they feel about their bodies; they're just hiding it from everyone because that's the way they cope with it.
Start thinking about the things that are GOOD about you and stop bringing up the negatives, i know it's hard i'm just like you sometimes and somedays nothing seems to be good about you, right? Chances are everyones in the same boat.
I think if you make yourself look better somehow, even losing 2lbs it boosts your confidence so much because you feel you've achieved something, just do something you can feel proud of and it will lighten your spirit. Be proud of who you are and what you look like. You're young, this is meant to be the best time of your life, enjoy it:)
If you need anything else just ask:)
Hope you get back to your old self or maybe an even better new self!:)
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