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Different advice - who's right?
ok well im really confused! here's the situation: im 13 and me & my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years. i know he really loves me and we're like best friends too. he tells me he wants to stay together forever and someday get married (i know that probably wont happen, but anyway...)
the problem is he flirts with other girls all the time. its like hes trying to get them to like him, or make them think he likes them. ive told him like a zillion times how bad it makes me feel. he'll stop for a while, but then he'll do it again. sometimes i get the feeling he really does like another girl and wishes he could go out with her. it makes me so jealous and mad and i hate feeling that way.
so i asked my sister and brother for advice. my sister says: i should dump him. that if he really loved me, he wouldnt be interested in other girls and would care about my feelings. she says he wants his cake and eat it too and i shouldnt let him do that. she thinks hes just keeping me around until he finds someone he likes better and then he'll dump me.
but my brother says: its just harmless flirting thats normal for a boy his age. that most relationships our age dont last this long so its only natural for his mind to wander sometimes. but since hes stayed with me for all this time it must mean he really loves me. so my brother thinks i should stay with him and not let it bother me.
sooooo... who do you think is right???
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ok naturally i would listen to who is more experienced with this. think has your sister gone out with many guys for a while? and for longer than you? if not dont listen to her i would listen to your brother because one he is a guy and two he would know from a guys mind. you have been going out for a while he mite be bored with you but doesnt want to let you go cuz he doesnt know if hes gonna find another girl like you. but he could be going through a stage guys flirt its there nature dont be jelous it happends i let my bf if he has its not like he is licking other girls thongs or something dont ask why i put that as an example but ill tell you it was in my dream today. hahaha so i wouldnt worry about it to much if thats what your brother said but if your going to go with what your sister said cuz she is more experienced then maybe you have a problem what i really think you should do is talk to your boyfriend get the real scoop from him ask him if he has other thoughts about you two being together if he thinks that he should discover new people.
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I think after two years togeather if your boyfriend was looking to trade up to another girl, he would have found one by now.
Flirting isn't judy just normal for 'boys his age'. Flirting is normal for a lot of people at different stages in thier lives. My 80 year old grandfather has always been, and will be on his deathbed, a charming and flirtateous man.
At this point it's safe to say your boyfriend isn't going to change his behavoir. You've told him, he's put a bit of effort into it, but he plainly doesn't think it's a big as deal as you do. Frankly, neither do it.
A lot the time a relationship will end when one party finds a new infatuation. In my experience that is just as likely to happen with a flirty person as with a non-flirty person. Some people just don't know it's time to break up untill they meet someone new. That is just life.
A cheater will cheat. A non-cheater wont. A relationship that isn't working will end, one that is working will probably last. The other people who you or he are attracted too don't actually factor in as much as you might feel they do.
However, if this still bothers you, if this is making you miserable, then don't wait until one of you (Hell! It could be you!) finds another person who makes it clear that you don't want to be togeather anymore. If neither of you can see eye to eye on this issue, it might be the one that means you need to part ways. It doesn't mean either of you are bad people, just that you aren't an ideal match.
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I think both your brother and sister are right. True, if he loved you he wouldn't continue to do something that hurts you, but (please don't take this the wrong way) he's just a boy and you can't expect that much from him. It's a scientific fact that girls mature much faster than boys do. You're probably way more mature than he is. In fact, I bet the two of you are sharing a very different relationship experience because of the maturity difference.
A part of me is in shock that you and he have been together for so long (I'm assuming he's a young teen as well). I wouldn't dismiss him as quickly as your sister is suggesting, but I also wouldn't put up with his behavior the way your brother is suggesting. Since no one is forcing him to be in this relationship, he needs to step up and take an active role as the man. Somewhere in the middle is where the two of you should meet - with you maybe expecting a little less from him and him putting in a little more effort for you.
He needs to quit flirting or at least tone it down to the point that it doesn't bother you. You need to not be so bothered by his actions and focus on yourself. He might be trying to get a reaction out of you. It's a selfish thing guys do to feel that they have power over you. Don't give him the satisfaction and go on as if it doesn't phase you. Or try to make him jealous. Sure, you'd be sinking down to his level, but it might put an end to his flirting once and for all. If he can play games, so can you - and even better.
Finally, I just wanted to say that you seem very smart and level headed. I love the comment about marriage not happening. I like that you're wise enough to be realistic about your relationship (even though I HOPE it all works out for you). I'm 24, and I can tell you that most people my age still aren't as grounded and mature as you come across. So good luck and read my profile if you need any more help. :)
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