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My 14 year old cousin is talking to a drud using 17 year old
my cousin is a good girl who has a lot of friends, is popular in school and gets great grades. Shes hanging out with this one girl Jenni who is a complete slut (but shes ugly as hell) and is getting Jackie(my cousin) to talk to these older boys on myspace. Shes talking to this one kid whos 17, dropped out of Highschool, does drugs, sells drugs, and has sex. Apparently he came to her house once with pot and a condom and was talking to her outside, but no one knew it ever happend. Me and her are really really close and i am always trying to protect her but now shes growing up and doesnt want me to protect her. shes lying to me about ahnging out with boys, even when they are boys in her own grade who i dont mind her haning out with. I dont get why she is doing this stuff. I try to talk to her and she tells me she is not going to talk to him anymore, but then i find out from her friends taht she STILL is talking to him after she PROMISED she wouldnt anymore. It really concerns me. Especially this weekend, becaue today is the year annivarsay since since her dad killed himself.....
im worried that shes going to make the wrong decisions. what should i do?
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this is a private matter that needs to be handles by you or a professional (dont get anyone involved who doesnt need to be). she might be pressured by her friend to be with that boy. but you need to get through to her that this is dangerous. that guy can go to jail and if the police catch him with her then she could actually go to jail to. you need a serious talk with her. how shes in danger and makeing poor decisions. dont talk to the boy by yourself it could be dangerous. you dont know what he'll do if he gets mad. (all the more for your cousin to get away from him)
~~~~~Candi xox luv~~~~~
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Unfortunately, you've got about 2 options.
Option A: Tell her mother. Since her father is dead, I'm assuming her mother should be around. Her mother will care about the decisions her daughter is making & will try to get some input in. If that doesn't work, then you always have option B.
Option B: Talk to her some more. You need to get your point across without being mean or being controlling over her. Remember, you're her cousin; NOT her mother. If talking to her doesn't work anymore, then there's nothing else you can do.
Your cousin's 14 years old. These things are going to happen. Most teenagers have talked to drug users & people who have sex. I have -- but I'm just fine. Seriously, I know you're worried, but just continue to look out for her. Sometimes there are mistakes you have to let people make. If you just tell them it's bad & that they shouldn't do it -- it makes them want to do it more simply because you're telling them no. When they want to do it more, they'll do it & in turn, learn the mistake for themselves. They're never going to learn if you just hold their hand & guide them. Let her roam a little.
Eventually, your cousin will see that you were right & apologize for her behavior. Until then, consider the options & follow through with them. There's chances they might fail, but if so then there's further thinking you can do, or you can just let her make her mistakes. Good luck.
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At the age she is she can be easily influenced. She may think being the way her friend Jenni is looks kool (even though I see nothing kool about being a slut). Incidently, you say Jenni is ugly yet still a slut. This might be down to her thinking the best way to talk to cool guys etc is to sleep with them. Athough the only reason most those guys even bother with her in the first place is becuase they know she will be easy. :|
I think you should try having another chat with her and tell her your concerns and be totally honest and out with things. Explain you don't like her breaking her promise to you and that you don't actually have any objections to her hanging out with those certain guys but the only ones you do have a problem with are the ones who may be a bad influence or take advantage of her. This guy she met from myspace sounds like a jerk and certainly not someone she should be hanging out with. So I totally understand where you're coming from. If my cousin was hanging out with someone like that rest assured I'd be on her case too. You need to show and tell her you're worried about her and what might happen if she gets too deeply involved with this guy.
It's understandable she want's to have her space because she's older now and doesn't want being looked after but the hard truth is she is still only 14. She is still very young and very much a target to jerks like this guy from myspace. The fact she has such troubling past (with her dad and what happen to him) this is something that he may use to his advantage as leaverage to gain more of her trust and such. Talk to her about it and see if you can get her to really think things through before she does anything.
Failing this, all you really can do is sitback and hope she makes the right decisions. It's pretty much all you can do and IF she does make the wrong decision you'll need to make sure she knows you're there for her.
I've been through a lot of things and I've always hoped that I can try persuade others not to make the mistakes I've made in life but no matter how much you may try sometimes the only way someone will learn is by making that mistake for themselves. That's not to say don't do anything to help but I am saying if your cousin won't listen to you then you'll probably just have to bit the bullet and hope she makes the right choices about this situation.
Feel free to write me if you need to chat further and good luck, I really hope you manage to get through to her.
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