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he's so inconsiderate
my dad is the biggest jerk. technically he buys my affection with materialistic things but we don't spend time together because he's an a** hole. he always throws mine and my moms stuff around and thinks its "junk" but he thinks his stuff is so valuable. today he went through our shed outside and threw out all of my stuff. stuff from my childhood, stuff that i had emotional attachment to and all of my sleds for winter because i haven't used them...of course i haven't used them it summer!! he always says we have stuff we dont use and we should throw it out but we do use it he just doesn't believe us. my mom has been thinking about divorce because he's always been like this and he makes me and my mom wait on him hand and foot and whenever we ask what he did that day he says "i did the laundry" and thats it, meanwhile my mom and i vaccum every weekend, make him dinner, make him coffee no matter what hour of the night, get him dessert, clean every room of the house, take care of our five cats, although he does feed our one dog, once a day. its just rediculous and we cant take it anymore but my mom can't afford the legal fees for a divorce and my dad doesn't believe in divorce. and he complains every weekend when i leave the house to regain my sanity! i don't know what to say to him to make him realize what a jerk he is, he's extremely stubborn and thinks he's always right even if he knows he's wrong. please help me with this jerk
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You mentioned that your dad buys your affection with materialistic things, but doesn't spend much time with you. My dad was the same way. He was always too busy to do anything with me, but he did buy me pretty much anything I wanted. It took me a while to realize it, but that was just his way of showing affection. People have different ways of showing love... some people are real huggy and like to be physically close; some show affection by helping and doing favors for people; and some people show it by giving gifts. Sometimes it's easier to just accept people for how they are and not fight it. If you want your dad to spend more time with you, you may have to join him in doing something he likes to do. It sounds like he's the type of person who doesn't like clutter, and likes things to be organized. Maybe you could ask him to help you organize your room by building some shelves in your closet or something like that... you could work on it together and maybe spend some time talking and getting closer. I know that's only one part of the problem, but it might help some.
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Hi.
I wasn't really going to answer this one at first but I really feel for you because to a degree I've had this same problem with my dad too although he's improved a lot from how he was before.
I think the best thing I can recommend is that you all sit down and talk about this. He won't know there's a problem unless you and your mom sit down and talk about it to him. As stubborn as he might be there is obviously a very serious problem here if your mom is considering divorce to solve this. Perhaps talking to your mom about them (your mom and dad) seeing a marriage councillor may help to improve things? At this point I would think anything is an option considering the grim alternative of divorce.
I will say this though, it won't happen over night. Your dad has been like this for years and it'snow just become second nature to him. Breaking that will be like breaking a habit or an addiction - it will take time, effort and understanding. Provided your mom and yourself are willing to give your dad time to change then I think the best thing you all can do is seek professional help with the marriage. Even a group session with a professional councillor may help. It all depends on how willing everyone will be to try but obviously the initial step will be to talk to your mom about it and then see about getting your dad to agree to attend. If he refuses to then it may simply be a matter of making him see that this is not just a problem that will go away by pretending it will or willing it to go away - this is a problem he needs to address. His family is unhappy and he should take some resposibility in changing that.
I'm sorry if this is not much but I really hope I helped a little. If you need to talk more feel free towrite to my inbox, I hope everything works out.
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It sounds like he is a jerk. On the one hand you are sick of his behavior but on the other hand he is your dad and althoughit may not seem like it, you both care about each other. Maybe suggest to your mom that she take him to see a therapist and maybe even a marriage counseler for themselves. He needs to learn about respect for your stuff and respect for you and your mom. A therapist might help him see that. Let me know how it turns out! Hope my advice helps! ♥ Jenny
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