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My Mom is killing me
I dont know what to do. My mother is literally draining me. It's like everyday its a new arguement, and it's always her starting it. She over reacts, she yells at me for nothing, she accuses me of things, she just makes me feel like such a terrible person. I understand when Im wrong, and I usually try to leave her alone and not bother anyone, but it doesnt matter! I always end up crying at the end of the night. I cant concentrate, I cant handle it. Im verbally abused all the time. It's hurt me in so many ways. I've become meaner, because I try to defend myself. I dont like the nasty words that come out of my mouth, but they just do now. My grades have slipped all the way and Im barely not failing. I want to have a mother/daughter relationship, but she literally won't listen. I ask her to try to listen and after i say something serious like that she hurts my feelings she'll tell me im being dramatic and be rude. its just killing me so much and i cant take it much longer. does anyone have any advice, or something, that can help me in any way? im breaking down right now.
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It's almost as though you described the story of my (and my sister's) life. Let me start off by saying that no mother (or father, for that matter) has any reason at all to continously insult and demean their own child. Healthy parent-child relationships just don't work that way. My mom does the same exact things to me, and she treated my sister worse when she was living at home. Why is this happening to you?
Well,
1) It all stems from her own INSECURITY: She can be insecure in one or more areas of her life, and is unfortunately taking that insecurity out on you- usually in order to give her more control.
This is what I always keep in mind-- when someone has no control over themselves, or their own behavior, they are controlling toward others.
2) She may be the ultimate perfectionist, in the sense that she wants you to agree with everything she says or does, cause in her mind, she is right. Now, she starts the arguments all the time, which by default would make her wrong..but you not agreeing with every.little.thing.she.says-that can really make her insecure (ties into first point). At least in my case, I notice that if i disagree with one little, tiny, miniscule thing my mom says about anything at all, she starts to argue and ridicule.
Having said that, there's really little you can do to change your mother...other than reminding her, when you are both calm, that you are hurt by her comments. When she starts arguing with you, try to resist yelling back at least initially...just be strong, and ask something like "what do you mean by that?" or say that you don't agree with her. I'm not saying it's definately going to work. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away. Go to your room when you are hurt, and write your thoughts down in a diary...it always helps me. You can listen to music too, draw,..do something calming to try reducing your stress. Try talking to a good friend about it too. It's never any help to bottle up all your feelings- i am all too familiar with that.
Try having lunch with your mom one day, and explaining things to her. Tell her it really hurts you when you guys constantly yell and insult each other. Even if she's at fault, try not to point the finger. Just say that you want a good relationship, and don't want to argue and be yelled at all the time. But again, sometimes we all need some down time...a diary will help you to get some pressure off your shoulders.
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heya darlin, i know your feeling really down and probably feel quite unloved by your mum right now but the best thing you can do is keep your head up n show her it's not getting to you...when she starts shouting and screaming abuse at you then i know this sounds easier than it is, but sit there and take it, dont say anything back to her and dont raise your voice at her because she's looking for a reaction out of you.
by the sounds of it i think she might have a few issues of her own and the only way for her to get her feelings out is through anger. i agree that it shouldnt be aimed at you and maybe you should sit down with her and have a proper conversation with her, i know it's going to be hard for the first bit of time but it will get easier n then everything should hopefully get into a nice flow of words.
dont be too drastic in what you say at first like dont come out with "your hurting my feelings" straight away, try and get into a conversation first n then gradually build up into that without any raised voices.
remember chik, talking is the best way of getting any emotions out. if you want to talk to me just message me ok
hope iv been some help xx
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You should not have to go through this and it sucks. Your mom has some problems and she is not right to do this to you. Of course you are exhausted and hurt and overwhelmed. Anyone would be. This is going to be hard to deal with even if you get help, but I want you to try. Talk to your school counselor about your home life and ask them for help. Your grades are about you and your future. It is a cry for help when your grades go downhill, but your mom is deaf. You are not being dramatic, you are being attacked and feeling attacked and you need to find a way to lessen that. When your mom starts something, she is putting a worm on a hook and wriggling it in front of you. Don't take her bait. She is most likely reenacting the way her mom treated her as a child...unfortunately, and it is a selfish and effortless thing to do as a parent. No one is perfect and I am sure she believes that she is right and that she loves you, but that she is not willing to examine herself or accept any criticism.
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hunny I'm so sorry you feel so horrible. I understand exactly how you feel. My parents are divorced and me and my mom never really got along, well not since I was 10. We use to fight all the time and I hated it. I would cry myself to sleep after we argued, she would say horrible things about how I stress her out and can do nothing right. She once told me that she had specific way on how I was going to turn out and I ruined it. I was devastated. I know how hard headed moms can be and sometimes they don't like hearing what they are doing wrong. I'm sure she feels just as guilty and hurt but is too scared to admit it. My advice is maybe try going to a counselor. Your grades are being affected by your lack of relationship with your mom. Go to your school counselar or a therapist of some sort and asking them to be a mediator and have your mom come in and you guys talk. It might help to have another person there to keep things from getting out of control. I go to a therapist and she has helped alot with trying to help me and mom mainain a relationship. I wish you the best and try to hang in there.
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