|
Probs with the MAA.
Aiight. I will try to keep this as simple as possible I guess. So, I am a 16 year old female (will be turning 17 in less than a week,) and I have been dating this guy for over a year now. I had previously dated him before, blah blah backround. So now; My dilemma. My mother (I swear,) is a decendant of Hitler or something, and blatently refuses to allow me to date him (though I am?). She refuses to accept his existence, when I do not even like her own boyfriend who lives in my house that much, and I try to respect him. She will not even give this kid a chance even if he tried. So, is there any way to try to talk to her, because I have on other occasions and she just refuses to listen and doesn't care. All she does is call him a loser because he doesn't go to school, but he is homeschooled? Yes I drive, yes I try to see him. But if I get caught she makes me feel wicked guilty and I get grounded..for.. long periods of time.
Advice, please?
Thanks in advance.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm going to risk a low rating here, since nobody else seems willing to do so.
Your mother, illogical and nasty as she may be right now, still has the final word.
Do you live under her roof? Does she feed you? Do you pay all your own expenses including rent and utilities?
You tolerate and respect her boyfriend who lives with you guys? That's great, and you're a better person for it! But you have to, because he was her choice, and it is her home. Unfortunately, she CAN forbid your guy from coming around, forbid you from seeing him, and she can refuse to like him. It sucks for the both of you, but you cannot force her into it.
This whole "guilting you and grounding you when you get caught" thing is what happens when you break your parents' rules. It's part of being a dependent. When you live in your own apartment, you can make your own rules.
Until you are living on your own, you're just going to have to deal with your mother's rules. I know it sucks. I was a teenager not too long ago, and I hated having to live under someone else's rules.
She may have her reasons for disliking him because of homeschooling (not saying they're right, just that she may have them) Is he homeschooled for any particular reason? Usually kids who are homeschooled when they have access to a regular school are kind of weird... either super-religious, or unable to cope in society, or have been expelled from other schools. Not saying that's the case, but that may be her perspective on him.
Don't go writing letters. Parents hate that... trust me, because I tried it when I was your age. If she won't listen, make her. If she won't come around, you'll have to keep risking getting caught, or wait until you're out of the house.
To make a long response short, Mom pays the bills, Mom makes the rules, and if those rules are broken, Mom can decide on the punishment.
]
Is your mother, outside of this situation, a good mom? If so, a good mom isn't going to tell her daughter she can't date a guy unless it's for a good reason. Maybe she doesn't think YOU are mature enough to handle a relationship. Maybe she thinks you are too young to settle down with one guy and that's where it looks like it's going. You need to talk to you mom completely out of the heat of the moment. Find a nice quiet time when the two of you are alone and tell her you'd like to have an open, adult heart to heart conversation with her about your bf. Don't go be all defensive either. Just listen to what she has to say and although you may not like what she says, she's probably right.
]
One thing your mother is going to have to realize you are going to do what you want, whether she approves of it, or not. It sounds like she is doing a good job of putting on the blinders, and anything you say can either be ignored, or misinterpreted. If you write her a letter she will not be able to work her special mother magic that always puts you on the defense. In the letter make a few points.
1. You care about her opinion, which is why you are taking the time to write the letter in the first place.
2. Can she give you logical reasons as to why she forbids you to see him? (you know what these reasons are, so state your opinion in the letter, like about him being himeschooled).
3. Don't try to bullshit her. If she has legitamate concerns, bring them up, along with the fact that nobody is perfect. Don't bother to bash her boyfriend, because this whole thing isn't about him and it will only put her on the defensive.
4. Your mother probably doesn't want you to date anyone because she is worried about you having sex. If you are not having sex with your boyfriend, tell your mother this. You could even tell her that you are not having sex, but if she is so concerned you will be willing to go on birth control just in case.
5. Tell her that you are probably going to see him either way, so wouldn't it just be easier if you could invite him over? Rationally explain to your mother how her method is counter productive because she just leaves you to fend for yourself. If she truly thinks this guy is a loser shouldn't she want to keep an eye on things instead of making you hide it behind her back? Now you can't even go to her for advice.
6. This whole thing is putting a wall between the two of you. you don't like lying to her, but you're in love, and you could really use her support and advice.
]
More Questions: |