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humorist-workshop
cheater
my boyfriend had sex with another girl a week after we starting dating. we barely knew each other, but we were still in a relationship. for the next 3 months he denied that it happened and stuck to that. he made me believe that everyone else that said it was true was lying. i had trust in him. i knew it was true the whole time, but i just wanted to convince myself that it wasnt. he finally confessed to it, after 3 months of straight to my face lying, and sleeping with me.
i asked him why he chose to tell me, and he told me because he was falling in love with me and knew that i had to know. he tells me that he is willing to do anything to stay with me.
what would you do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ok, well here's the first point I want to make. You can NOT be in a "relationship" with someone you barely know. That's more of a "I like you and you like me, let's go see a movie and hold hands when we walk" type thing. That's NOT a relationship. You can't be in a serious emotional relationship with someone you don't know. And also, one week isn't really long enough to consider yourself "in a relationship".
On that level, I wouldn't think it was such a big deal. It wasn't that serious of a relationship, obviously, so he had no obligations to you yet. People date, it's no big thing unless a REAL relationship begins.
On the other hand, he should NOT have lied. Lying is the worst thing someone can do to someone they are dating, especially lying about it for three months.
The fact that he told you is definitely a good thing. Why else would he tell you that unless he cared for you and wanted it all out in the open?
I don't think what he did can be considered cheating since you'd only been dating for a week. And he told you in the end, so I definitely wouldn't be pissed about that. I wouldn't break up with him either.
What I WOULD do is explain to him that I want him to be completely honest with me from now on and to not hide anything from me. Explain that you didn't like being lied to for so long.
But hey, it was three months ago. It's time to let go and go on with your relationship (3 months + declaration of love = relationship for sure).
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I would stay with him, if he was truly sorry, but just because you were only dating a week it doesn't make it okay. He should have told you first thing, right after he did it. If he does really love you and he wanted to actually tell you the truth then that's good, at least he told you. You should give him a second chance, he didn't have to tell you the truth but he did. Even though he probably knew there was a chance you wouldn't stay with him. But if what he said is true and he will do anything to be with you, then you should forgive him. I would.
::Jasmine::
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hey
look, i am the type of girl that always gives people two chances, no less & no more. i know that people make mistakes, and have regrets. if they break my trust twice, it's done. like done.
i don't know how you are, but if i were you, i would give him one more chance, reluctantly however - i would not open up to him as much as i used to because of what he did, and with the fear he will do it again for some reason.
if you really like him, give him another chance. however if you are the type of girl who is like, "no, he cheated on me. it's done. i can't be with him," then fine. but you might be missing out on a great guy. what will you lose by going out with him again? you will never be able to fully trust him again, but maybe he can make it up to you somehow.
you started out with 100% trust in him. the second time around, if you give him a chance, make it 50%. dont tell him everything. don't be as clingy as you were. see what happens. if he does it again, case closed. if he doesn't, don't take it too fast. there is always the possibility, hon. & you don't want to be hurt again.
so if i were you, i'd give him a second chance. only if you really like him.
if you are starting to not like him anymore, then just call it quits. i mean it's not like it's going to work out anyway if you don't like him.
i hope i was clear in my explanations.
& another reason why i think you should give him another chance is cause he told you the truth in the end. better late than never, right? he must have felt truly guilty, and respected you for telling you the truth.
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Hey there!
This is kind of a hard one to answer! But im going to give it my best shot!
First of all you have to see how you feel about him...if you really like this guy so much to the extent that you're able to forgive him then ok give him another chance. But be hard on him, don't pretend that everything is ok when its not! Tell him how you feel and how it really hurt you! Ask him how come all of a sudden he says that he has fallen in love with you when in the past 3 months he has been lying to your face.
Lying to your face for 3 months hurts a lot! If its really hard for you trust him, then it might not work out. I believe that for a relationship to ever work out it needs trust! and i also believe in second chances and that people do change...its harder for people to change for the better! If you think he CAN change, then help him out! Make him turn into a better person. =)
I guess my answer is if it were me, if i liked this guy so much and believe that i could have a serious relationship with trust then id give him another chance since he barely knew me in the first week. Plus im a person who forgives easily..anyways the answer will always go back to you..no one can make the desicion for you! Its your choice...do you think this guy will be honest again? is he worth it? and do you think he'll be able to change for the better?
Good luck. Update me and tell me what happens later on ok?! Tell me what you decide..take care, if you need anything else, ask ill answer ;)!! <3
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