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Boyfrienddd
I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, but I've been unhappy because he gets mad at me for the stupidest reasons and expects me to drop all of my guy friends, even though 98% of them are guys. He has this one best friend, and it's a girl. She has a boyfriend who is also my boyfriends best friend. My boyfriend always hangs out with the girl and whenever I;m with the two of them, I feel like the third wheel because he always ignores me or is insanely mean to me. He constantly tells me he loves me and tells me he has no interest in her and if he did, he would've wentfor her a couple of years ago. Her and her boyfriend have been dating over a year but I still think they have a thing for eachother considering I asked him to stop hanging out with her for awhile because I was starting to get really uncomfortable with it. Me and him hangout everyday, but the two days we can't he goes and hangsout with her. It's gotten to the point to where I don't trust him at all and everytime they hangout I get really worried and end up crying to him on the phone while he sits there and flips out on me for it. I just need advice on this :(
♥`*Genn
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I know how you feel. Been there, done that.
Your boyfriend is contradicting himself [just like mine did]. He said I couldn't hang out with guys, [like your boyfriend is telling you], and then he could hang out with girls [like your boyfriend is doing]. It made NO sense. I couldn't do something, but he could? No. You need to point this out to him. If he can do it, then you can too. A relationship is equal. No one person is better than the other, and no one person has more control than the other.
Honestly to me, your boyfriend sounds controlling. Mine was because he told me to stop hanging out with people & to take pictures off of my MySpace & all of this other stuff I didn't want to do. I finally got sick of it, and broke up with him. I'm not saying you should, but things like this could eventually lead to something else, and I'm not talking about something good. Guys like this tend to become physically abusive. I'm not saying your boyfriend will, but it's always a chance that you need to look out for.
If you want to hang out with your guy friends, then do so. You know you're not going to do anything with them & if your boyfriend doesn't trust you, then he's either insecure, or stupid. You've been together this long, he should know you by now. If he doesn't trust you, then you've got no relationship. Relationships are TRUST, HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, and LOVE. If you don't have one, but you have the other 3, you've still got no relationship no matter what. Same thing as if you don't trust your boyfriend. You should trust him, just as he should trust you. And he makes a valid point: If he liked her, he would've left you already, or cheated on you already. Since he hasn't [as far as you and I know], then you've got nothing to worry about. I'm not trying to put the thought into your head that he's cheating because he more than likely isn't, but if he isn't cheating, then you've got nothing to worry about.
Just sit & have a long talk with him. You guys have issues that need to be worked out. If nothing changes for either of you, & the trust still isn't there for either person, then the relationship needs to end, or you need to rethink yourselves. Good luck.
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If he can have a friend that is a girl you can have as many friends as you want that are guys. He has no right whatsoever to tell you who you can and cannot associate with at all. He sounds very controlloing, demanding and manipulative to say the very least.
If your gut feeling tells you that he is more than just friends with this girl trust it. Your gut is seldom wrong and his behavior with spending almost the same time with her as he does with you is very odd for a friendship even if it's close.
I dn't buy the line about him saying if he wanted her he would have had her a few years ago. There may indeed be nothing going on but if you feel you cannot trust him there's obviously a strong reason why you cannot.
My advice to you will not be what you want to hear but it will be the truth based on experience and seeing your situation unfold in the lives of others I know too many times to count.
You need to drop this guy as hard as it may seem and move on. He's controlling, jealous, demanding, manipulative and thinks he can do what he wants and you can't. It's bound to get far worse but hopefully not physical.
It's an abusive style of relationship here of the worst kind: mental and emotional. He has you trapped and he knows it.
You need to get assertive with him tell him you'll hang out with whomever you want especially if he hangs out with girls and that he will never tell you what to do ever again because he's on thin ice with you and you're thinking of leaving.
If you are afraid of him which it sure sounds like leave him a letter and tell him it's over and why. You need a new beginning and fresh start with a guy who cares about you and what you think and need not someone who tries to restrict your every movement and who your friends are.
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Hello Genn.
I know exactly how you feel because I've been thorugh something very similar.
First and foremost though why does he want you to stop hanging out with all your friends who are guys? I'll try make this as clear as I can but two people going out, to me, are just two people going out. Even if they love each other (which is a lovely thing) but they are still two people going out. That doesn't mean that one owns the other or vice-versa. That doesn't mean you HAVE to do what the other says just because they said so. You're a person in a relationship you're not a slave!
I think you should ask why he wants you to drop all your male friends. Whatever excuse he has for it if he wants you to do that then I think it's only fair he does the same with ALL of his female friends too. Another thing you need to consider is that by alienating all your friends you will only have him left and if sometime down the line you both broke up you need to remember that you already got rid of all your friends so you'll have no one else there as a friend to turn to. I know its morbid to think that you may break up somewhere down the line but to be honest if anyone actually thinks their relationship is perfect and can never break up I believe they are living in a fantasy. Relationships just don't work that way. They either will work out or they wont - the chances are 50:50, there's no exceptions.
You need to sit him down and have a chat with him about how you feel and your insecurity. I can't really say if there might be something going on or not because to be honest I just don't know. But if he's going to be insulting you infront of her when your out I see noreason you should put up with it so go out with your real friends instead. You shouldn't have to put up with this crap from your bf. No one should have to.
Bottom line is that trust is the bondin a relationship. When you start questuioning that or when you lose trust altogether the relationship just leads to being doomed. You need to talk to him to try resolve this and tell him you both need to TALK not have him shouting at you. That'snot going to solve anything for starters but it's also something you DONT need to put up with. I'm sorry that I can't really advice much else but for starters I think you and him need to sit down and have a serious chat about things starting with how he wants you to stop talking to your friends (I see no reason why you should have to) and about the insults. They need to stop. See how things go from there and if you need more advice or if theres more I can help with (regatding what I said here) just send me a message.
Good luck and I hope you'll be okay. :(
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