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Tired Of The Fighting
First let me start off by saying i have been with my boyfriend since October 23rd 2005. I'm 15 yrs old , and he just turned 18. My parents let him move in the 3rd month we were together, so we have been living with each other for awhile. I cheated on him a couple of times when we first got together and everytime we get in arguments he brings it up. I'm really in love with him , when im not around him for one second i have this feeling of lonelyness. We fight all the time , he always says i start them but sometimes i dont. Ive been trying really hard not to start an argument but it doesnt seem like hes putting in any effort. He always calls me names even if we just get into a disagreement. And theres been a couple times hes hurt me physically. He's choked me a couple of times and pushed me down. I know deep down hes not really a bad guy but im scared hes going to really hurt me. He always leaves me when he gets mad and im the one that always has to call him to come back. Hes hurt me mentally to where sometimes i think im not all there. Im young and my mom and dad are really concerned , i shouldnt be going through this. I was wondering if anyone could give some advice on mabe to make this relationship better , because i really dont want to have to leave him. Theres alot more to my story but im not going to write anymore.
- kaylaa
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Damn. It sounds like you have yourself a sticky situation, for sure. And that reallyreally sucks.
I understand how much you love this boy especially since ya'll have been in a relationship for quite a while, but honestly.
It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship [[noshit]]. And at 15, you defently SHOULDN'T be experiencing that shit. And trust me, once the relationship gets abusive, it's never the same. Knowing this from a close person's of mine's experience, hun.
Also, if he really loves you, he should respect your opinion and try to change his tactics so the same fights dont happen over and over again.
Like I understand that sometimes he wont be able to help how he thinks or feels[[about you cheating on him]] but tell him to get a GRIP. the pasts in the fucken past, grow up and stop being a wuss about it.
I would break it off with the guy, just to explore what else is out there, and get him involved in some sort of therapy, because I'm sorry, but your boy needs HELP.
And it's not right for him to not admit that he's wrong sometimes. It seems like he's a little TOO much of the dominant figure, and you have to do something to show him that you're sick of the stupid fights. But honestly..
DO SOMETHING.
Taking him back with a "Yeah.. I understand. It's okay now." type mood doesn't tell him shit.
Tell him you'll leave his ass if he doesnt get help too.
x
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i can seee that you are in a reall tough sutuation. the only thing i can really say is to talk to him about all of this. but when someone else is homw so you arent alone and he wont try to hurt you. that isnt how a relationship works. lasting relationships are the ones that can listen and work you their problems. dont accuse him of anything right away, but tell him how you feel. (ex. "i feel like we cant solve any of the fights and problems we have.")something like that. also make sure that you are yelling and just talk calmly. if you try to talk to him and he donesnt listen, then i would try again later. if it still doesnt work an he still gewts worked up and calls you nmame and ever hurts you again then my advice to you would be to get out of the relationship. i know it will be really hard. especially since you have been together a really long time, but at least you are young and you cant say that you havent tried. you cant stay in an abusive realtionship. it isnt good for your mental and physical health. and i can see its already taken a toll on you.
i hope that i helped. =]
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umm this guy is a jerk. and i know you're going to hate me for saying that but it's true. guys do NOT have to hit you if they're angry. you need to leave him. my mom's friend was in an abusive relationship and the guy sent her to the hospital and she was STILL in love with him. Thats not love its like slavery. So yeah you should leave him and you are welcome to give me a bad rating, but you asked for advice not a piece of sugarcoated candy. im telling it like it is, end of story.
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Hi Kaylaa.
My first instinct is to tell you to get rid of him because of he is able to physically abuse you then that's something you shouldn't have to put up with, no matter what age you are.
He may have said repeatedly that it was because he was angry but if he's not able to control his temper when angry all the better reason to do something about it because that clearly shows when he is angry he is very capable of seriously hurting you without being able to control himself or what he is doing.
However, you've made it clear you don't want to break up with him so I fear no matter how much I tell you it'll be for the best will probably not make a difference. I will however say that it may be time you both took a break from each other. You have both been around each other so long and it's now starting to fall apart because of that very reason (I've seen it happen all too often). By going ona break I don't mean breaking up or being free to sleep with everyone else and all that crap. I just mean allow yourselves to have some space between each other. Take time away so you're not both under each others feet 24/7. Takea couple of weeks or so and it should help.
I am curious though, why have your parents not stepped in with all this abuse going on. Or are they not aware of any of that which happened?
Tobe honest my first instinct is still to say to get rid of this guy for the way he has been treating you. Fair enough you had cheated on him but things like that do happen but it's no excuseto physically attack you. Something like that is totally uncalled for and unjustified. I think the next time that he does something like that you call the local authorities so he can explain his excuses to them. He won't stop until he sees that there are reprocussions to what he is doing, that much I am almost certain of. I'd be more specific but it's details I prefer not to mention here (but for the recordno, I've never struck a girl before in my life and never will do if I have it my way).
I think taking this break between yourselves is the best way to go about it to try and fix the air between you both, it might be something that is worth talking to him about. You'll just need to be clear it's not a break up nor does it mean you both can do whatever you want with whoever you want. You still love him and only him but you need some time to yourself without him there around you all the time in the hopes it will improve things. Agree to a time frame but I suggest no less than a week. Then see how it goes from there.
Also, although it's your choice, I suggest you make it very clear you will not tolerate any more physical abuse from him. You're his gf not his punch bag - you need to make sureyou understand that. I know you love himbut that doesn't give him ANY right to strike you, at all.
If you want to talk more then by all means feel free to message me and such and letme know how things go with you both. I hope things do work out but no more putting up with abuse please. You don't need that - I don't care how much heloves you or vice-versa, no one is worth getting physocally/mentally abused for.
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Yes you are very young. You have a whole life out there to experience. What your bf is doing to you is WR0NG. I know he is not a bad guy but no matter how upset he gets with you, he SH0ULDN'T hurt you physically or emotionally. Yeah, he loves you and you love him. But think about it [without including feelings but logically], does he really loves you? I mean if a guy truly loves you, he'll never lay his hands on you. He would control himself and take his anger elsewhere. I suggest you tell him to go to anger management. As for you and him, tell him you need a break and sort things out. Its better to work a relationship out when you're not together. Especially when you guys are constantly fighting. Its harder to work it out when you two are still together. Calling you names isn't a way to treat a girl. You should show him where you stand. If he calls you name.. let him know its wrong and you won't take that. Have your parents involve, tell your parents to let him know where he stands because he's 18 and guys at that age think they owns the house.
I know you want it to work out and you love him. But also think about your safety and how much this can affect you and him. If the relationship is not healthy soonner or later, you will grow out of it and get tired of fighting constantly and emotions will fade. Its just not good.
here's my sn: shiet itz vy .. if you need someone to talk to.
hope I helped and good luck with the bf.
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