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just another love question...
I apologize in advance for this long question... I'm very confused right now.
Also, I am 15, and a female, if it is any help.
I think I am falling in love with this guy. But I'm not really sure. We have everything in common- even obscure things, like certain composers. And... he is just one of the most amazing individuals I've ever met.
Let's call him... Richard.
The thing is, Richard has been dating one of my very best friends- let's call her Sue- for over a year. They have the most amazing relationship. And I love Sue. She is one of my closest friends, and perhaps the person I respect the most in the world.
Sue and Richard have been having relationship problems for the past few months- they've been taking breaks, and Sue tells me she likes someone else also.
I'm not asking for ways of how to separate them- I don't want to destroy their relationship, as I love them both. However, I want to know when it's an appropriate time- once they eventually do separate (even if it's not for a while), for me to start flirting with him. Or, in case anything does happen, when it is appropriate for us to go out.
Thank you very much.
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I think this is something you should talk over with your friend. Tell her that if she has feelings for someone else, then she needs to let go of Richard since she's doing nothing but leading him on. Although they've had a great relationship, it has to end because it's not fair to him if she likes someone else.
I would say that if she gets a new boyfriend, then that'd be a good time. But if she doesn't get one anytime soon, then make sure she's over him to before you start flirting just to steer clear of any unwanted drama & arguments.
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hey, well while i was reading your questioned i noticed this .. "I think I am falling in love with this guy. But I'm not really sure". love is not a maybe thing, you know when you love someone. just remember that. also another thing that ive noticed in your question was .. " and Sue tells me she likes someone else also". if your friend sue likes someone else also, than its not fair at all to stay in the relationship with richard. in my opinion, shes just holding on to what used to make her happy (him) out of habit. i personally think that she just needs to let go and live the single life for a little while until she decides one person that she really likes and may want to start a relationship with. as for when you should start flirting with richard, not right when they end it. that looks tacky. you need to give them both time and wait for them to both be over each other. since this was a year or more long relationship, getting over each other will not happen in a jiffy. its going to take time, even for richard. when that time does come, you need to speak with sue first. tell her that you have developed feelings for richard and that if its okay with her, that you want to start flirting with him and see what happens. also you should talk to richard too. ask him if hes completely over sue. if he has any doubt in his mind about it, dont make your move until hes ready. when people are hurt or are getting over a relationship, they tend to let people in there life easier. they think that maybe they will replace the person that they lost. you dont want to be his "fall back girl" that hes trying to replace sue with do you? i wish you the best of luck.
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It's a horrible position to be in, but I think all you can do is wait until your friend seems to be beginning to get over the relationship. If they break up I think you can, after a time, talk to your friend and be honest that you have strong feelings for her ex-boyfriend and would like, with her permission, to persue things with him.
Until then? There's not much you can do. It's natural and admirable to want to be honest with your friend about the feelings you have, but if you tell her whilst she's still with this guy, or whilst she's still struggling with very strong feelings for him having just broken up with him, she will in all likelyness feel betrayed and confused by your revelations because on top of her already existing relationship difficulties, she then has what she'd percieve as competition from you, somebody she's close to and trusts.
I do however think that you do need to talk to her before you start flirting with this guy. Of course, it's difficult to judge how long it's appropriate to leave after the break-up to talk to your friend, and there is no straight answer. You have to read her and the situation and wait until she has got some distance and perspective on the relationship. How long this will take will depend on her and the dynamics of the relationship they had, and you will have to use your personal judgement on when she'll take the news best, depending on how she's feeling about the relationship, their chances of getting back together, and perhaps starting dating again herself.
Be honest but gentle with your friend, and be prepared to take things slowly out of respect for the two of them. It's a tough position to be in, but with honesty and kindness your friend will eventually understand, although it may take time for relations between the two of you to return to normal.
All the best.
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