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One of my friends is too clingy
I have this one friend, we'll call her Shell, who is really clingy. It usually doesn't bother me that my friends wanna hang out and stuff, but Shell wants to talk to me all the time! I mean, I have friends that don't go to my school, and she does. Well, she wants to talk to me all the time, and when I tell her I need to talk to my other friends, she gets mad and starts saying I don't want to talk to her because she just talks about her problems. That is kind of true, but it isn't that. It's that she is really clingy, and a lot of the stuff she says happens or is happening sounds way to far fetched to be true. She sounds genuine when she talks about it, but it sound a little to out there. Anyway, my question is how do I get her not to be so cling all the time?
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ask her more about the far fetched stuff and see if she can elaborate (sp?) more and if she can't just keep drilling her on it until she gets sick of it and she'll stop streching the truth like that. And you should start hanging out in groups with her in them and try to get her to have new friends and such. hope i helped!
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You need to make yourself scarce around her for a while. Stop hanging around with her at school and don't take her calls, answer e-mails or IMs from her for a bit. Hang out with your friends and do what you want to do without guilt.
This will give her time to hang out with her friends and learn that you are not going to be there all the time and need your space and she needs to have her space too.
After a few days take the e-mail, calls, IMs but resond when you want to. Let her see you like her but you have other things to do as well. When she cannot reach you 24/7 she'll figure it and take the hint.
If this doesn't work you'll have to be brutally honest even if it's not what she wants to hear. Tell her that you like her and want to be her friend but that you cannot be there for her all the time and that it's too much to expect of you. let her know it's not to be mean and that you will include her in your life but not every waking moment.
You should tell her you are telling her this straight up because her other friends and classmates might feel the same way. Encourage her to become independant (which she isn't) and explore her interests when you cannot always be there.
Treat her with compassion as the people who are clingy with you may be depressed and or having problems at school or with other friends.
Maybe you truly are her only friend right now and the others are pushing her away too. Make sure she gets included but not 24/7 and let her know the reasons why and that it's not personal but that you will be there as a friend and it won't change.
I have this strong hunch the friends she has at school are pushing her away for the same reason and that's why she's always wanting to be ith you or talk 24/7.
One of the nicer things you can do is help introuce her to some male friends, some other people as well and get her some friends who like her and will understand she's a bit clingy but still be her friend hen you cannot be there.
Try throwing a party and introducing her to people you trust and who would accept her warts and all. That's what she needs as well as to grow up a bit and learn to entertain herself when you aren't there and explore her own interests.
Right now she probably doesn't feel too good about who she is and being accepted and may mention she has these great friends at school or elsewhere but in fact probably doesn't. You have to see it in the context that she's likely very upset, lonely or an outcast.
If she's none of those things then you just have to push her back a little using the techniques above and let her figure out that way that you're not always around, home or able to e-mail, call, Im back/forth and it ain't personal.
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haha you sound like me. Last year I met someone and she was a great friend. Then she and I hung out and we became bff but then she got too clingy and started to get annoying when I wanted to be with my other friends (whom I wouldn't see during school)
well I solved this problem by talking to her. Tell Shell how you feel. Tell her that you don't get to talk to your other friends as much anymore and you feel that maybe they are starting to slip away from you, and that it is important that you keep them as friends. You have to tell her the truth. If you don't, she won't know what you are thinking and will keep bugging you.
Tell her polietly. say something like "I feel like my other friends are starting to think i don't like them anymore. Would you mind if I spent a little more time with them?" don't go shouting in her face and saying "i hate you, you bug me, or get away from me, freak." lol
**make sure you tell her that you need some space. Don't forget to tell her that you are not going to ignore her. Because if she get's the picture that you are going to ignore her, she will get mad and that will start HUGE fights. it's happened to me before.
You don't have to hang out with her, but at least make sure that she knows that you are still friends with her. Say 'hi' to her once in a while. Stop and ask her how she's doing. you know... small talk.
I hope I helped and everything goes great!!
-volleyball2150
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