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dysfunction
i posted a question asking 'can one person be the cause of a dysfunctional family?' and LagunaBabe directed me to this site: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) i read the article and immeditally started crying. i know that now, my dysfunctional family is affecting me and the way that i am. but i dont know how to change it. i dont want to end up bad. i only have 2 more years until i can legally move out. while my parents aren't addicted to drugs or alcohol, they are very controlling... i realized that all of these following symptoms from the article are true:
-Conditional love
-Disrespect
-Stifled speech (children not allowed to dissent or question authority)
-Emotional intolerance (family members not allowed to express the "wrong" emotions)
-Ridicule
-"Dogmatic or chaotic parenting" (harsh and inflexible discipline)
-"Denial of an Inner Life" (children are not allowed to develop their own value system)
-Social dysfunction or isolation"
am i going to end up bad because of my dysfunctional family? im scared that im the cause of my dysfunctional family.
16/f
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
What hectorjr said...it is up to you if you end up "disfunctional family" is up to you and only you.
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-Alex
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Read "The Child Called 'It'" by Dave Pelzer. I know that I have always felt that my family life could be a little better, but not after reading this book. I don't want to give away too much, but it is a true story about a boy and the suffering he went through as a child. Some of it may shock you, revolt you, and maybe even appreciate your own family.
Are you going to end up bad because of your dysfunctional family? You decide that.
Viktor Frankl wrote a book called "Man's Search for Meaning", which I also recommend for you to read. Like Freud and Adler, Frankl was thought of as another school of thought in the area of psychology. It contains some very deep stuff that might be a little difficult to understand. To give you an idea of one of the topics he mentioned, he concluded that regardless of what situation you are in, the environment you are placed in, and the suffering you have to endure - you are still free to choose how you react to it.
He wrote "We have freedom to find meaning in what we do, and what we experience, or at least in the stand we take when faced with a situation of unchangeable suffering." He wrote about his days in the Holocaust concentration camps and about how he overcame the tremendous suffering he faced. What had helped him was finding meaning about his suffering, and realizing that no matter what happened, he always had the freedom to choose how to accept his suffering.
So... Will you end up bad because of your dysfunctional family? You still decide that. David, from the story I first mentioned, was abused physically and mentally, beaten, stabbed, not allowed to eat for days, forced to live in a garage, and deprived of any social contact with any friends or family, and he was only ten years old - he overcame all of that and didn't turn out bad at all.
I feel that if you realize the freedom you have to be who you want to be, to not let bad situations, controlling forces, and especially fear get to you, then you can escape any of these bad feelings or reactions you are having. You can willingly choose not to let these situations control you. You can still learn from them. I would suggest you find help - be it a counselor, a trusted adult, teacher or principle, neighbor, relative, anyone - that can offer you help. They are out there.
You know, Dave wrote that one of the worst feelings he had, worse than when he was put into an oven to burn, or had to be humiliated in front of everyone, was that his mother made him feel like he was just an "it". Nothing. He even began to feel that he deserved all of the abuse he was getting. His mother would brainwash him into thinking that he caused all of the problems...when it was obvious he didn't. They don't mention it, but I think the root of the problems comes from the alcohol abuse the mother goes through.
Don't feel that way at all, no matter what. He fought back - not physically like his mother did, but with his mind. I urge you to seek help if you need it, don't wait around. If you are being abused, then say so - the victim is never at fault. I haven't read your other question, so I don't know your exact situation. Regardless of what is happening, trust yourself and don't be afraid of turning out to be dysfunctional or anything bad. Feel free to drop one in my inbox if you need anything else. Hope that helped and good luck.
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I to have what people call a dysfunctional family and im not bad...
you are your own person and your family does not define who you are..
As long as you set goals for yourself and plan you life and stay on the right path you will be fine..
I have so much faith in you...
Coming from a dysfunctional family is a hard thing to deal with.
It put stresses on a child that are so hard and sometimes the child may not be able to deal it which could cause the child to be put on path in which is not a good one.
Only the child can change their path, and i see just in your writing that this is not the case for you.
Stay strong, don't let your dysfunctional family get the best of you because you are the only one that can make yourself bad.
Dysfunctional families are not caused by one person and im sure your not the cause.
Have a talk with your parent as awkward as it may be it may help..
If you need any more help im here
-Sky-
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