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i need to stop focusing on the bad
im 15/f. whenever i find out a guy i like is gonna ask me out my immediate thoughts are: how is this going to end? if we date am i going to end up breaking up with him? will he end up hurting me? will we end up hating each other? this always happens and it ruins everything. how can i stop focusing on it ending when it hasnt even begun?
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Hey!
Well I read the answers before mine, and that girl mentioned the secret. The secret is basically a movie about a bunch of people who became millionaires by focusing on the positive side of life. Like its probably pretty cool, but I doubt that will reall yhelp you here, so I'm here to help.
It's hard for someone who is super positive (like me) to help someone who doesnt have that same OMG enthusiasm. But I think I can help here.
You have to take a step back from it all and look at the big picture if you dont let yourself take a chance then you will end up missing out on everything.
SO heres what you have to do. You have to take that chance. Chances are, you are going to get hurt. Chances are you are going to end up breaking up eventually, changes are you will fight and have disagreements, but chances also, are that you will get to know a great guy who will grow to love you. He will care for you and treat you nicely. So thats got to outweigh it doesnt it?
So take your chance, and find a random guy and tell him you want to go out on a date with him. Just a date. Out for coffee, a movie, no commitment. Just a fun date. Then at the end of the date tell him that you're having issues with worrying about the end, and tell him that its stupid, because you had so much fun, and that you really want to go out again.
I know it sounds easier said than done, but by taking that chance, you are putting yourself out there, to get hurt, and yeah it will hurt for a bit. But rejection has that tiny sting, and the only way to get over it is to move on and find someone else. So if you ask a guy out and he says no, then find another guy who wants to.
Obviously you know what your problem is, the only problem is that overcomming it, isnt as simple as recognizing it. You'll probably just have to face your fears and get out there. How do you overcome airplanes? You go try one out before it takes flight right? So just take dating one step at a time, and if you feel yourself thinking too far ahead, think about how great life is right now, and that if you think to far ahead you'll just mess it up.
This was a tough one, but I read the other comments and I didnt think they were good enough. I hope I helpped, love ya lots,
Angie91
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have you ever seen the movie/read the book The Secret? well its all about turning your feelings around. instead of thinking about the future and how sucky it's going to be, think about the present and how good it is already and what positive things are going to happen next. instead of thinking of "how will it end" think of "how will it begin?". think about "i wonder if he's going to be really romantic about how he asks me out?" think "i wonder where we can go on our first date" "how will our first kiss be? where will it be?"
never think about "how will this end?" because that will just make it end. think of "how will it start and be successful?" because then it can start and be successful.
p.s. seriously see the movie The Secret. it changed my life.
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Avoid those negative thoughts since all it is doing is ruining everything! Think postive! Be happy that someone likes you because other girls may not be as lucky as you :)
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Start and think positively about it. Such as "He might like me, and he might think I'm attractive. This could last, and be a good relationship. We might not break up."
Instead of thinking what you normally do, think the opposite, positive. =)
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