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this is sort of love life/friendship
k, so i'm 16/f. my friends never call me to hang out, and when i do, they say they'll hang out w/ me and they ditch me. it's pretty much because i'm not dating someone within their clique of friends. my bf and i have been dating for 3 years, and he lives with me. he tells me that going out should be a top priority for me, and he never lets me hear the end of it. i don't go out with anyone on weekends, because they all ignore me. i'm hanging out with a new group of friends, but i feel left out w/ them too because i never know what they're talking about half of the time. my boyfriend feels obligated to be with me, and he's sick of it, so he's trying really hard to push me away, and it's really making me upset, because he never wants to be around me. so saying all of this, i have 2 questions.
1) what should i do about the friends thing? this new group of ppl that i hang out with like to get drunk every weekend and stuff, and that's not me. how should i approach making new friends?
2) what should i do about my boyfriend? i've tried telling him how i feel, and he doesn't care. he makes it sound like i'm not letting him hang out with his friends, and i get mad when he does, and i don't. he's not being forced to stay w/ me. i tell him to go have fun, and he pretty much yells at me because i don't go out, and makes me feel like a loser? what should i say to him?
any help is okay with me, as long as i'm not being made fun of. i apologize for the length, and thank you in advance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
1.) If that's not your thing (which it shouldn't be, you're not 21), then find some new friends. Join a club or sport @ school or approach people yourself. You can't always expect people to come to you & be friends. Sometimes you have to be a little outgoing & be the one to initiate conversations with your peers/classmates. I moved out of state after my sophomore year & didn't know a single person @ my new school. I'm a shy person & thought people would come to me, but after my first week of school, I figured I had to be the one to randomly go up to someone. It's not as bad as you think it'll be. Since you're in school, you have more opportunities to meet someone new - so take them!
2.) You should not be going out with a guy who does not care about your feelings & makes you feel like a "loser." Going out with someone should NOT be your number one priority; & you should NEVER let someone tell you what YOUR priorities are in life. In my opinion, school, family, work & friends should be at the top of your priorities. A boyfriend should be somewhere below that. If you've made some kind of effort to work things out with him & he's not willing to help or change... find someone who respects you & doesn't try to make you feel worse about yourself. Find someone who is there for you, cares how you are feeling & will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I was your age once (not too long ago) & I had a boyfriend who didn't care about anything, but I grew up & realized I should have never wasted my time with someone so pathetic. My point is - you need to respect yourself by finding someone who appreciates you. :)
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For your friends, they're not really your friends. If you don't like getting drunk or whatever, go find some friends who like what you like. Or, you can go to the parties & try to get wasted. I'm not saying get completely trashed every second, but don't knock it til you try it.
As for your boyfriend, talk to him about it. Tell him that he's free to hang out with his friends & he doesn't have to hang out with you all the time. He might see that as "I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND CONSTANTLY." but tell him that you do, but he's free to hang out with his friends whenever he wants & it's okay with you.
I know how it feels for your friends to ditch you. Some of my old friends used to do that to me all the time, or they'd just never call back, or they'd use me because I had money. So, I dumped them & found some new ones who were more like me.
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