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How to get over your dad leaving behind his family for his g
We recently found out my dad has a girlfriend and has had her for a few years. My parents are now going thru a divorce and have been for the past two years (since we found out) He says he wants a relationship with my older sister and I but shows us otherwise. He is verbally abusive to us and when living at home he started drinking heavily and started to get physically abusive. I just want to know how to get over not having the man I looked up to my whole life? I am 24 years old and I dont want this to affect anymore of my personal relationships any longer. So if anyone has any advice please let me know how to get over my dad leaving me and how to not let it affect my future relationships? Thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You know... I grew up being told my father was an awful person and that he didn't love me. Maybe never in those exact words... But it was always implied. And I thought that because he had chosen not to be a part of my life... That must mean that there was something wrong me. Maybe if my own father could not love me... No man ever would.
This outlook affected many of my relationships in different ways. In the past, I've had difficulty opening up emotionally to men. I thought that they wouldn't care what I thought or felt. (Because there was something wrong with me.) If they expressed any sort of interest, I thought it was because they didn't know me yet... But once they did they would leave me. (Because there was something wrong with me.)
Really... That was not the case. Many men interpreted my shyness as a lack of interest, or coldness. After trying so many times to get me to open up to them and being pushed away... They got discouraged and left.
And so... My theory that I would be abandoned by every man I cared about... Was self-perpetuating. It wasn't that something was wrong with me... The problem was that I believed that something was wrong with me. Until you love yourself you will never be able to believe that anyone loves you.
So... Whether you are a guy or a girl... Try to realize that... 1.) Your father is not an swful person. His behavior might be awful... But awful behavior is usually the result of deeper emotional issues. Your father is hurting... That's the reason why he acts the way he does. It doesn't justify his behavior... But sometimes it's a lot easier to forgive the behavior if you know where it comes from.
Also realize that you are not the cause of your father's behavior... No matter what he says to you. It's not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. If you can realize that... If you can look in the mirror and say, "I love you," you'll be okay. If you can realize this then your relationships won't be affected like my relationships were. And you won't have to fear turning into your father either.
I know that my words will not take away the pain. I wish they could. But remember, no matter how much it hurts... One day the hurt will pass. You're going to be okay. ;)
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Well I am soooooo sorry! I know what it is like to go threw that. You are 24 so yeah it will be hard but look up to your friends dads or something. Im 23 and I know that me and my moms relationship sucks but I look up to my friends moms and my grandma. So consider looking up to people like that just switch it so it is guys. It shouldnt affect you future relationships if you mean by making a commitment to a girl. Once you find THE ONE, then you will know and also you will learn to respect each other and all. But it gets easyer trust me! But if you need to talk you know where you can find me!
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The best advice i can give you is to understand that there are sooo many great people out there...dont shut them out in fear of them turning out like your dad. to get over your dad leaving i would look foward to the future and concentrate on you..dont worry so much about him. he is off doing his own thing..he has problems and its better off this way. you seem like a great person who has so much ahead of rhemselves..just keep your chin up and look foward to what life has to offer you.
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