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Little sister...
22 female/big sister.
Yesterday my 11 year old sister called me up in tears because mom wouldn’t stay out of ‘her business’. She was hazy on the details, but from what I can gather, there is some bullying going on at school, and knowing my sister, she probably isn’t only a victim is all this.
Normally I can give my sister some really good advice, but this time I was rather stumped, probably because in my opinion an 11 year old doesn’t have their ‘own business’ beyond choosing how to spend their allowance and whose friend they are going to be. Privacy and autonomy are something they are in the process of earning, not something they receive just because they understand the ideas now.
But now, as I reflect on it, I wonder if I’ve become one of those judgmental adults who has forgotten how to relate to adolescents…
I gave her the normal “Mom is doing this cause she cares and no one expects you too solve all your problems by yourself” speech, but what I really wanted to say was “Well if you don’t get into stupid fights you wouldn’t have this problem!” Am I wrong to think that her expectation of being left alone in this is unrealistic and what would you have told her on how to deal with our mom getting involved with her teachers and school about some issues she was having with an others girls?
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I don't think you've become "one of those judgemental adults." You probably still remember what it felt like when you were her age, otherwise I don't think you'd be asking us for our opinion... However, since growing up you've gained a lot of wisdom that she can't recognize. You've got more life experience, and the hindsight to go with it.
So... Don't beat yourself up too much about it. She may not agree with you now... But one day she'll grow up and realize that big sis' was just telling her the truth.
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I have a younger brother that is 13 and i remember being 11 and i really think there are some things that are just "their business". I never told my parents anything about my friends or bullying and i took care of it on my own and it worked out. I don't know if I was just mature for my age or what but i never needed an adult to step in. I DO remember the kids that always brought their moms into arguements and they all ended up with not-so-many friends because they were the "babies" and the "squealers" and even if they weren't like that... no one really liked them anyway. That's just how I remember 5th & 6th grade... Ihope it gives you a broader view of her "drama". <3
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I agree with you. I'm 19 and have a 15 year old sister, and we have the same conflicts all the time. Since I moved away from home, my policy has become "Mom and Dad are always right", and it drives her up the wall.
As long as she lives under your mother's roof, and ESPECIALLY at age 11, she has no 'business' of her own. She is still a child, regardless of what she thinks, and she can't necessarily handle everything on her own.
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