Question Posted Thursday February 22 2007, 12:40 pm
iv have big trust problems ever since my ex from like 2 or 3 years ago has cheated on me multiple times. and now ive been going out with this really great guy for over a year and i still have trust problems. i always think hes going cheating on me or if he stays an hour late at work hes doing something. i also hate it when he looks at half naked chicks on tv because i get jealous. can anyone help me become... normal?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category? Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos? kaylasaysso answered Thursday February 22 2007, 3:07 pm: i have the same problem. i`ve been cheated on plenty of times by my ex. i havn't met anybody new but i`m sure i`ll be dealing with the exact same issue you are once i actually do. i think you should sit down with him & have a talk. explain to him that in past relationships you'd been cheated on, and you have a hard time trusting him. be sure to mention that it has nothing to do with him & ask him if he could just have a little patience & help you overcome this fear of being cheated on. about the "half naked girls on tv." issue.. just try & ignore it. all girls feel that way. i know i do. when you see a good looking guy on t.v you don't sit there obsessing over it. guys are the same way. they might think to themselves "oh that girls hott" but they aren't sitting there comparing you to her. if thats what bugs you. So make sure you talk to your boyfriend about this whole trust thing, & hopefully you two can figure out a way around it.
i hope i helped!
-kayla [ kaylasaysso's advice column | Ask kaylasaysso A Question ]
Flaggal answered Thursday February 22 2007, 2:40 pm: you are COMPLETELY normal. All you need to do is explain this to your boyfriend and if he hates you for it...he's a plain jerk cause I am sure he'll realize his BIG mistake [ Flaggal's advice column | Ask Flaggal A Question ]
dia answered Thursday February 22 2007, 1:17 pm: you are not abnormal.
i have the same problem.my last boyfriend cheated on me...ok..it only lasted 3 months, but he was my first boyfriend, my first everything, so no wonder it hurt so much and left me emotionally scarred.
i trust anyone too easily, and because he betrayed my trust, i feel i can never trust a boyfriend again.
you and i probably have the same dillema that we were so badly hurt, we subconciously feel that all men are out to get us, the same as the last ones were, and no matter how great a guy is, he is going to hurt us, because others have.
ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and i only trust him 90% which is awful because i know he'd NEVER cheat on me, BUT theres a little voice in my head saying "yes he will- watch out...you can't trust him he's going to hurt you". and it all my ex's fault.
however, ive been telling myself for a long time now that you have to move on from that stuff...HES A DIFFERENT PERSON,and its quite insulting to my boyfriend ,to compare him to my ex...after all..hes' my ex for a reason, because hes a bastard basically, which im sure yours is too.
its easier said than done, but we have to realise we cant go through life acting like this, as we'll only drive them away.
tell your boyfreind how you feel, i think you neeed to discuss it, and want to be reassured (which STILL doesnt work for me) And i feel awful because im making the ralationship harder. after all....there has to be trust in a relationship for it to work.
i wish you the best of luck, and i hope my advice has helped.
and btw...i get jealous when a half naked chick appears on the screen even if my boyfriends NOT there..because come on...wel all want to look like a plastic girl :)
and in actual fact, i can guarantee your boyfriend loves YOUR body more than the half naked chick..because its YOUR BODY.
hard to understand sometimes, but true :)
orphans answered Thursday February 22 2007, 1:03 pm: This is basically de-ja-vu for me.
I went through the exact same thing with my ex when I found out he was cheating on me with two girls at the same time. I felt so betrayed after having giving him complete trust. So after that I always got nervous with dating people and what they would be doing. Just remember that the boy you are now with is great like you said and he doesnt' deserve to be put in that same category and have all of that used against him when he did nothing wrong. When he has to work late just try to hang with friends or do something to preoccupy your time so you don't think too much into it.
And as for the girls on tv, all girls get jealous and think their guy is more interested in them than you. Just think about the fact you are the one sitting on the couch cuddling up with him, not that girl on tv. And besides, when guys see half naked girls on tv they don't think about long term relationships, but really just hoochies flashing themselves for the world to see. You're the one he wants, don't forget it. [ orphans's advice column | Ask orphans A Question ]
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