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Best friend turned boyfriend
(Sorry if this is too long, but I'm just a 17-year-old girl who has no idea what she's doing in this area of her life :3 Never had a boyfriend [or girlfriend for that matter] before, mainly because... I just didn't want one enough to go out and seek one.)
So I've been best friends with this guy for at least five years. However, ever since we've met, he's had a huge crush on me--I'm not sure if it's been on/off or continuous, though he has had a couple of short-term relationships while I've known him. I kind of had a crush on him once or twice, but I never asked him out because, at the time I did like him, I was unsure of whether he liked me or not.
Anyway, now we're both 17, and he likes me, though I've kind of grown asexual and I don't particularly care for anyone in that sort of way. So today, he asks me if I want to go see a play at his church; I don't go to that church (I'm not even his same religion), but I'm good friends with some of the other people in his youth group so I said sure. The night passes on, and as he's driving me home, he asks me to be his girlfriend. I kind of sputter for a second, but finally I just say sure.
Now I don't know what to do. I love him as a friend, and a part of me says that I might as well go out with him--that I even owe it to him (we have a kind of "he buys me food every once in a while and I don't release my undead feline minions upon him" relationship). However, I really don't want to hurt him by just breaking up with him in the end. I'm a senior in a public high school and (hopefully) I'll be going to an art college after I graduate (if not out-of-state, definitely out-of-town). He's homeschooled and doesn't have much of a desire to go to any college, so I'll be leaving this town in a few months anyway, but...
The truth is, I have no idea if I like him or not. It's not a definite "yes or no" question--on the one hand, he's the first guy in my life who's ever asked me out without being a complete sleezeball; but on the other, I don't know if I like him for anything more than a friend.
So what I'm trying to ask is this: is there anyway I can find out if I really like him or not, preferably before I hurt him? And if I don't like him, how can I tell him without using the whole "I like you as a friend, but not as a boyfriend" routine? (Most guys I know absolutely hate that, and I can understand why.) Help, please?
(Once again, sorry for the "tl;dr"-ness of this question. Kind of utterly baffled here.)
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i think you said yes because you were overwhelmed that you were gonna be in a relationship. realizing that you were gonna have a boyfriend, one to kiss & love. but it turns out that hes just not the type for you. and i understand that you dont want to hurt him but you have to end it before it becomes serious to him then it`ll only break his heart more. just think of the positive things. like you could be leaving the area, new school, new boys. you cant always be down and worrying about these kind of things. you have your whole life ahead of you. therefore, have a talk with him either face to face, over the phone or in a note. theres so many possibilities. whatever one your more comfortable with. tell him exactly what you feel and what happened. something like you were overwhelmed with the whole boyfriend thing and that you werent really thinking and you might be leaving. explain to him that it wont work out and you BOTH have a whole life ahead of it. a whole life to find that special person. i mean you too can always keep in touch and help eachother out. a relationship just as friends sounds good.
<3brianna
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If your not comfortable with the whole kiss him and find out situation which I btw totally agree with I would say that you should try and go on at least a few dates and if it feels couply and not the same as usual then let it run its course but remember just because youre going out doesnt mean youre whole relationship has to dramatically change.
Good luk either way and I hope you find what youre looking for in both love and life.
yours dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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haha im in the same situation right now, except this guy i've only known this year but we've gotten to become really good friends and he just told me he was interested in me today (valentines day curse! haha. My advice summarized is to think. consider. look at everything you've done with him, what you've felt around him.
I asked a few of my guy friends and this is what i got from them:
Don't take action, like don't go out with him until you have a clearer image of what you want, because if you go out with this guy and things mess up then its going to be hard keeping a friendship with the guy. You guys might find reasons of annoyance and get sick of each other or one of you guys suddenly lose interest or stopped liking the other.
I would say don't go out with anyone until college because once you enter college you don't know what the hell is going to happen. Do you think you can keep a long distance relationship? I'd advise to wait until college because then you would or might like someone else, or slip out in a long distance relationship if you guys split up and end up going to different colleges. And if the guy demands you go to the same college as him that becomes a problem. Ask yourself, are you willing to follow him or would you want to do your own things instead.
And NEVER go out with someone based on obligation or because you 'think you should'. It wont work out and it always ends with horrible feelings between people.
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Gah, I hate when I'm in situations like your in. The sure-fire way? Kiss Him. I know it sounds totally cliche but it works. If you kiss him and don't feel anything, or feel weird, then you know it isn't right. If you dont know if you like him liek that, you probably dont. If hes really your friend hell understand. Just let him know that you werent sure if you liked him so thats why you went out with him. But after a while you realized you didnt like him like that. let him know you didnt wanna say it but its true that you like him better as just a friend. Im sure hell understnad, as long as you do it soon. I hope I helped <3
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