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my life.
well, i didnt kno what category to use. so yeaa. anyways... this is going to be long and confusing...
so my life is basically retarded right now. i dont have many friends. i mean i do, but none of them are really close, cos people tend to cause drama and screw me over, and i got sick of it, so i pretty much pushed everyone away. when i first meet people, im really shy and i usually dont talk much. i also suck at opening up, even though i want to, i just kinda.. cant. i have one really close friend, and shes not even that close. her mom is really strict and i only see her at school usually. outside of school, i never have anyone to hang out with accept my older friends, but sometimes i feel like im a pain in the butt to them. cos i cant drive and i always need a ride, and i barely talk to them. we dont know much about each other, we just hang out. its weird. i love being out with them though, everything feels better. i hate being at home. my parents always give me shit. they expect me to get straight a's or a+'s, and they give me so much responsibility. then, it soccer, they expect me to be a star player. but i cant, im not that great. they always yell at me when i dont live up to their expectations. they dont know anything about my life either. one time, my dad was asking me about drinking. i told him i dont do it and that i would never do it. he told me i wasnt fun, which was weird. truth is, ive been drinking since i was 12, and ive smoked, both cigs and weed. it makes me feel kinda guilty when they compare me to my sister and say how shes so bad, yet im so good and obediant and stuff. with guys, its been shit. ive had two boyfriends, neither of which lasted very long. im more of a tomboy, and im the youngest of all my friends that i hang out with outside of school, who are all boys, pretty much. theyre all either seniors or older, except for 2 or 3 of them, and im a freshman. there was also this guy that ive liked since i started talking to him in the beginning of the year. he kissed me, but told me it was just spur of the moment. then we didnt talk for a while. after about two or three months of little contact, hung out again and he kissed me and.. we had sex. it was a mistake, but i dont regret things.. so i guess its not really a regret. now we stopped talking so much again. i also like one of my senior friends, but hes.. well, i dont know whats up with him. hes a real gentleman, so hes never really like "dayumn, shes hot" i only heard him talk like that once, and it was just me, him, and two other guys, and they were saying they would fuck one of the teachers at our school for an a. he was just like, "oh yea, me too" but kinda in a quiet "not really" way. theres one other friend i have, and hes.. well, i feel kinda close with him. like, i feel like almost like siblings, or maybe just like best friends. but yea, i dont want to get attached to him because hes so bad. he goes to juvi school and is in gangs and stuff. well anyways. in school i always use to get good grades and never get in trouble. this year, my grades have dropped a little, and i have already gotten 3 referrals. ive been ditching and stuff too, which i know i shouldnt but.. i did. i want to go somewhere far away but i cant. my parents are giving me so much responsibility, they want me to like, save all third world countries. seriously. i dont. i want travel. my parents dont know any of my friends. not my guy frinds anyways. she thinks im always hanging out with my "nerdy friend" amanda, but im always with my guys.
sorry, this jumped all over the place. anyways, i just wanted to know your perspectives on my life and what i should do and stuff. i know i do bad things and hang out with bad people, but i dont want to stop hanging out with them. them make me happy. so i just want to hear what you guys think of this and stuff...
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Ok this is weird alot of the things you said about your self an parents is the same with me.Im a tomboy i drink,smoke weed an cig.But all i gotta say is do what you want make your own decisions in your life because your not getting any younger.If your having fun with the things your doing then keep doing it.Just try to finish school an not skip as much.But if you like a guy who is a bad influence try getting to know him he might change his attitude for the girl he loves an you could be the one.Hope I helped!!
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I cant think of anything really good to say, tbh... but i'd just like you to know you're not alone. I saw myself in alot of that. We'll get through it. Just keep your head up and try and live day like its your last. Don't let anyone get you down <3
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parents suck. they dont understand we need to have our oun lives with out oun dreams and stuff. we want to do what WE want to do and not what THEY want us to do. your not bad, i ditch and im like a good girly girl. you dont need to tell your family about smoking because you know what? if they think your innocent let them think that. why not? if your sister is like you can you talk to her? or is that not an option? because she might have somthing to tell you. in class you could work a little harder, just show your parents your trying and "participating" to get them off your case. your guy friends sound cool i dont see a problem with hanging out with them. as long as your not risking your life i think your pretty good. these boys sound great, but i wouldent try a relationship with them. they might not see you in that way (they could see you as one of the guys.....uch) and if they do have feelings for you, but it dosent work out you could be losing your bestest guy friend. your smart hanging out with boys because girls just start drama. if you feel like your being a pain to your older friends i wouldent worry. your probably not i bet they love you. and being around you. you could try hanging out with some people in your class though. because who do you sit with at lunch? youve got to think that nest year your Senior friends arent going to be at your school anymore. you can start making friends with boys closer around your age so youll be able to be ewith them for longer. good luck! if you want to IM me anytime to chat my yahoo name is Xo_Babes
Love Always
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Alot of people go through that. And most parents expect you to live up to their dreams and you can't live up yours. You just need to try your hardest to open up to people. I use to be all shy and stuff but I finally overcomed that, I just tried talking to people and now I have a real close best friend. You also need to make a good choice in the guy you like because that can change your life and make your life worse. Like you said you don't want to get attached to the guy because he is so bad and thats true. The gentlemen guy dosn't sound so bad so he's is a good choice. But smoking also isn't best and I know you know that but trust me, bad idea. Like people say its cool to smoke when your like a teenager right? And then when your older is cool when you stop. But it will be hard to stop and your wasting your life with that. It would be hard to get your life in order but just try. By choosing good friends and influences. I hope everything goes well for you!
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