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the bad daughter
i always feel like my mom likes my sister better. just because shes the perfect A student and nice and quiet and not crazy and hyper and procrastinating and rebellious like i am. i get good grades i dont do drugs i'm a good kid but me and my friends can get really hyper sometimes thats IT. and i tend to argue alot (my mom's genes..) so basically i do some "bad stuff" as a teenager such as talk on the phone too much, stay up late during sleepovers, etc... stuff EVERY teenager does! even including my perfect sister (who btw graduated high school now). and my mom picks on me soo much for all these little things while my sister..she didn't even care b/c my sister got perfect 98's while i get like..93's and procrastinate!??? i can't stand my mom i told her this but she just won't listen to me, what do i do? i'm not going to change myself just to please my mom because come on i'm not some crack addict but i asked my mom and she was like "yeah change". what do i do?????
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Your parents tell you these things for a reason, you'll learn that when you're older. And then you'll regret blocking them out, and you're gonna think "Oh man, I should've listened to her. She knew what she was talking about." Parents do this because of one simple reason. Been there, done that. They know what you go through. Don't think that because they're "old" that they've got no clue what they're talking about.
And your mom doesn't love your sister more. Honestly, you should be proud that your mom nags you & not your sister. You said she didn't care what your sister did, but she cares with you. Isn't caring a way of love? And she nags you. Maybe that's her way of showing she loves you. She wants you to do good, and she wants a lot out of you. She didn't want that out of your sister. Feel good that she does it.
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I've been in a somewhat similiar situation countless times. My mom & her side of the family all seem to adore my brother who goes out till five in the morning, got arrested for drugs, etc. Yet me, whenever I have a like 90 in a class, "you could've done better", or I procrastinate too or I didn't finish my dinner or something.
Try sitting down with your mother and talking to her about it. It might feel a little weird letting out all your feelings to her ( it was for me at least ) but she needs to know how you're feeling so the next time she feels like opening her mouth and saying something negative towards you, she try and put your feelings into consideration. I would just be like,"Mom, I feel like you like ( your older sister ) better than me most of the time cause she get's 98's in school and she's quiet and nice and everything, where I'm not. But mom, I'm a good kid too. I don't do drugs or drink or anything, I just do what every other teenager does ; stays up late at sleepovers and yeah, I get a little hyper but I'm a kid ; I have loads of energy, I can't help it. But whenever you sit here and rag on me for all these little things like having a 93 whenever that's still a good grade, it makes me feel like I'm the bad daughter or something." And just see what she says. Hopefully she'll want to talk about it and resolve the issue and things'll get better.
( With my mom though ) She decided to deny things like that and she still continues to do it, so if your mom decides to be like mine ( hopefully not ) then what I just do now is ignore her. I just think I know she's wrong, and I know yout grades are great and that I'm not a bad daughter. And whenever we're in the car or somewhere and she starts tallking negatively to me, I just go up into my room or I put on my ipod so I don't have to listen to her. You know you're a good daughter and you're right, you shouldn't have to change.
I think your mom needs to learn the term,"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
I hope I helped.
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I have been in the same boat. My mom would always nag nag nag about my grades, about my habits, and even about every single thing I did sometimes. She would flip over nothing.
But, trust me, she does NOT love your sister any more than you. Thats not how love works, it's easy to make plenty of love to go around and doesn't need to be spread thin.
Have you really listened to what she says? After while, I block what my mother says out and just think I am automatically right. But my mom usually has a point, even if a small one. She just wants the best for you. Im guessing your sister is older. That means she's out of your phase and is hopefully a responsible adult. You really can't compare. Even a year can be a huge difference.
Your mom is just trying to say, she wants you to try harder and do your absoulute best. If you really deep down know you are doing your best, than make that clear to her.
But can you improve? Really, improve? There is ALWAYS room for it. So you are a procrastinator like myself. Work on it. Things will be better for both of you. If you give a little and your mom gives a little, things will be so much easier.
So what you need to do is sit down one on one with your mom. No one else in the room to bother you. Especially not your sister. CALMLY tell her that what she says and does hurts you, and that you WILL try harder. Ask her not to compare you to your sister, because you are both uniquely special. Maybe your sister is the organized one, but maybe your the creative one?
Mothers aren't perfect and they aren't mind readers, so you have to make what you think perfectly clear.
See if you feel better after all that. If you still feel that your mother loves your sister better, why not talk to your school guidance counselor? Just talking it out can be loads of help.
Good luck and lots of love,
-DearAbby92
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