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Err... "University Romance", Is It Really That Bad ?!
21, f and not US/EN.
I'm really confused and I really need some advice. I hope this question will not be banned or deleted, as far as I can tell it doesn't contain any illegal or obscene content.
So here's the "plot": How would you _mature_ people out there rate a (still) innocent "flirt" with an University teacher? The age range is something like: I'm 21, he's around his 40s. We're both single, we're both geeks in our field and we somehow sympathize each other. Hell, even my colleagues noticed that... Even if they don't know I've been having such a huge crush on this guy for more than a year... Nothing beyond this stage, but I feel it's kind of possible to push this relation to a higher level. (He seems to be a very shy and sensitive guy so I guess I shall be the one to do the first step - *if* there'll ever be a first step, that is...) What are your thoughts on this? Could this be considered "un-ethical"? Or bad, or... whatever?
I'd appreciate your feedback, since I can't think of anyone to whom I could ask this question.
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I think it would be a bad idea to pursue the relationship. If anyone found out that there might be something between the two of you he could be fired. and there is a slight age difference of at lease 19 years...i know age doesnt really matter but it might make matters worse if you did have a relationship..so just think over this before you make a decision because you want it to be the right one..make sure your positive he likes you because everything would be severley awkward if he doesnt
hope it helped..Sam
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The biggest problem I foresee is if he's YOUR teacher. For a teacher to date or otherwise be intimately involved with a student is considered a serious breach of professional ethics and is cause for dismissal at most schools. That being the case, you would need to avoid approaching him until after you have graduated (it's not enough to wait until after you're out of his class - he is still a teacher, and you are still a student).
If you're not a student, but you are employed in some way at the university, there could still be problems. Some schools have regulations against the faculty or staff dating each other, especially if he is in a position of professional authority over you. Again, if that is the case, you would need to terminate your business relationship before considering a personal one - in other words, quit your job. If the school does NOT have any such regulations, then you could go ahead, but proceed with caution; if it doesn't work out, there could be consequences beyond the usual breakup.
However, if you're not a student or an underling and it's just a matter of the age difference, then I'd say go for it. There's nothing unethical about that at all, so long as you're both adults. Most people would have trouble relating to each other over a 20-year age gap, but hey, maybe you're not most people!
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I agree that it's a bad idea, in general. You two should be in very different stages in your lives. But you're an adult and if you choose to give your heart to him, just be aware of the risks. He could get fired. You could get expelled. It all depends on the university's policies. Even if he's not your professor and even if you meet outside of the academic setting, there still could be serious consequences. I'd say there's nothing morally wrong with it as long as you are not his student or working under him in a lab or something and as long as neither of you are married or in another committed relationship.
Sabine
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dont do it it just going to be a big mess i would just say do nothing go to a party and find someone elese..you can get kicked out and he can loose his job!
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