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lifes a mess
hey so im really wondering if im doing the right thing here. ok so i used to drink ... for like 6 months but during this time one of my friends (amanda) found out about it and was like i won't be your friend anymore if you drink.. so i didn't stop immediatley but now i've stopped.. but she still doesn't beleive me/has moved on to other friends so i've basically lost her. i also have this other friend (christy) who i drank with and we were really close but now that i dont drink anymore she just hangs around this other girl all the time and never with me... except at school because she hates amanda and all the girls at the lunch table we used to sit at with amanda (because amanda told these girls that we drink and now they dont look at us the same anymore) so me and chrisrty just sit alone together at lunch (basically cuz i have no one else to sit with) oh and then i have this other friend (liz) who i had been really good friends with for the past two years but i kind ditched her because amanda/christy were more fun... and i would go back to hanging out with HER except she kind of makes me feel uncomfortable because she told me she was gay so yeah. so now i have basically no friends because i've lost all of them from both crowds... i'm starting to wonder if i made the right choice by stopping drinking since it hasnt gotten me anywhere and it used to make me feel better about my life when i did.. any advice? please?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
In my eyes, quitting drinking was the right choice. What you do is your own decision & you should do whatever makes you happy. But just because you are in a position where you're finding out who your real friends are, does not mean you should go back to your old drinking habits just to hang out with your friends before. If you have to drink to be socially accepted with them again, then they aren't really your friends. I can guarantee you almost everyone will end up in a position where friends will drift apart & you're left in the center; I know I have. When you're out of high school, you'll realize what things were important & what weren't. The important thing is to make something of yourself & become friends with people who will accept you for who you are & will love you unconditionally. I suggest sitting with your friend Liz. If she was your really good friend, that's all that should matter. & if you ever feel uncomfortable around her, just tell her & I'm sure she'll understand. So far she seems to be the only one who hasn't been a horrible friend.
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Okay, you're "sitting with" people at lunch thing makes me think you're in high school. So yes, quitting drinking was the right thing. It sounds as if you're in between cliques right now. I think you can either branch out to find new friends (surely there are more than six girls in your school) or pour yourself into your studies. After all, you need to concentrate right now on preparing yourself for the best future possible. When you're 21, well-educated, and on your way to self-sufficiency, then you can try drinking again, and it will be better because you won't have to hide it from anyone or feel as if you're being judged.
So know that stopping drinking may not have saved your friendships, but it was the right thing to do for yourself. It keeps you from getting into trouble with the police, from being denied admission into college for criminal history or denied financial aid, from accidentally getting raped, pregnant, or getting an STD while drunk, and from blowing off your future for a party today. You're doing the right thing.
Sabine
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Of course you made the right decision by quitting. Drinking is dangerous for so many reasons, which you probably already know, so I'm not going to preach. But I'll tell you this up front: Don't start drinking again. It won't make you any happier and it won't make your problems go away; It will only add to them.
You say, "I'm starting to wonder if I made the right choice by stopping drinking since it hasn't gotten me anywhere and it used to make me feel better about my life when I did." What?! You lost your best friends by drinking! It didn't make your life better; It's what got you into this mess! So yes, your life is definitely better without alcohol.
Anyway, have you tried talking to Amanda? If not, you really need to. When you two are alone, and she's not in a bad mood, you need to sit down and have a good talk with her. Let her know that you quit drinking, but also tell her that you hope that she can forgive you and that you can be friends again. Say what you feel. She might not want to be friends again, but talking to her will probably ease your mind.
Christy doesn't seem like a great friend because now that you don't drink, she dropped you. That wasn't a friendship to begin with, so I wouldn't go back to her.
Don't just limit yourself to old friends, either. Join a club, take up a new hobby, talk to someone you normally wouldn't... There are so many ways to meet new people.
I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders
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