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How to move on? I still love the person but...
First of all, I have been in a very calm, steady & fulfilling relationship. The person I am involved with completes me. I am emotionally dependent. I centered my whole 4 yrs. never cheated, always thoughtful and caring. However, just two days ago, we had a heart to heart talk. We both feel it is time to move on. No 3rd party involved on both our part but I guess we both feel it is time to move on. The hard part is that I want to cling, remain & continue but I know in doing so I will completely lose myself. Right now, I am suffering. Have anxiety attacks & feel like my stomach turns upside down. Part of me died too.
Please don't ask me details why do we have to part ways... All I am saying is that it is time to do it. My question is --- what should i do to feel once more... What should I do to stop the nervous attacks? What should I do to stop being emotionally dependent. I am tearing apart. Anyone??? Please...
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Thank you so much for taking time to help me out. I appreciate it. Ok for the details why we have to part ways is that:
HIS REASONS:
1. HE SAYS HE NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH OTHER FRIENDS TOO. You see for 4 yrs we both have been like centered to each other. We hang out, we travel, we do most of the things together. We don't live together but almost 3-5 times a week we are together.
2. WE HAVE DIFFERENT RELIGION. He says he has been committing many unchristian things. He wants us to fix things but not as lovers but as friends.
MY REASONS :
1. I BECAME TO ATTACHED, TOO emotionally dependent to the extent that I make plans making sure it will blend on my time. And if the appointments would interfere with my time with him, i cancelled all my appointments.
2. I know the feeling is no longer healthy. I am in love. I would give anythings... but I am sure if I continue this path I will lose myself. I will lose my career, I will lose even the friendship I also maintain with him
So you see, we both have different reasons.. but bottom line it is the RIGHT thing TO DO...If only the PAIN isn't this STRONG... i AM LOSING A GRIP ON MYSELF. But the more that I will linger with him it will also be fatal because by then we might end up HATING each other.
PLease help me.
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I am sorry about all of this, I understand exactyl what has happened, but if you both decided it was for the better then there is a part of you that was ready.
The reason we have two parts is because the humane race has to have compassion, love, and emotionally attatchment to somone, or they can not function properly or fit right with anything! As a child (when first born) if you never had someone to hold you, to love you, you couldn't survive not becasue you weren't fed though.
With your reaction to the separation, I would say that you had been to dependent on the other person, But away to not be so emotionally dependent is to find a friend, your best friend someoen you can spend time with and open up to, oevr time they will take his/her place.
The nervous attacks I cannot give a definite way to stop but, try your best not to reflect on things that bring them on. I know it is hard but when you have extra time that normally leads to thinking about him/her get on the computer, go excercise, get a friend to come hangout with you anything you need to, to get your mind off of them!!
The longer you are stuck on them the more your heart will tear and the more painful things may become.
I really hope something helped!
--Syd
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Knowing why you had to split up would be very helpful to us. You don't have to tell us, but hey, it's not like anybody on here knows you so what's the harm? It being "time to move on" doesn't seem like a very good reason for a breakup to me. It sounds like you both have committment problems if you're not offering any other reasons. That's a whole other problem in itself. Knowing what the problem actually is would help me and others on the site understand you and what you're going through. If you don't open up to us we are very limited in how much we can help. Right now, all I can tell you is that you need someone to talk to about this, probably a counselor or psychologist. Sorry if I offended you by asking exactly what you told us not to ask, but gosh if you really want help you're going to have to tell someone about it. Good luck.
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moving on from someone you love is not easy, it takes time and lot of it, first you have to feel the pain, because that the only way you can get over it, you will feel that life is not worth living, but you are wrong, you alway have to remmeber that everything happen for a reason. cry if you feel like it, don't hold it back just let it all out, you don't have to move on so quickly, take the time off and think about yourself, and all the other people around you, and once in while tell yourself it okay, you did the right thing and that there is someone out there waiting to meet me, to love and share my pain, and someone i can love in return. like they say "time heals all things".
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No matter how a relationship ends it is always going to hurt. You will be going through a bereavement period now, mourning what has been and what will no longer be.
You must allow yourself to grieve for what you had and this will help you to move forward.
Write yourself a letter noting all the good times and all the love you felt between you. Put it in a pretty envelope and seal it with love. Put the letter away until you are ready to read what you have written and can accept it was the past. It may sound crazy but it might just help.
You will be able to detach yourself from your ex-partner by thinking differently about things. Believe that you can do things for yourself and find a way of doing it. The more you can do alone, the better it will get.
Give yourself time and emotional space, but above all, love yourself. Good luck.
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