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is it over?
sorry if it's a little long, but i'm freaking out
ok so the other day me and my bf were supposed to go on a date *it was our 3month*, but he didn't pick me up...instead he called me from where he was and was like "yeah i'm here" so i'm thinking "ok am i supposed to drive MYSELF to my own date? whats next...i pay too? i mean come on" so i was going to *though i wasn't too happy* and my family and friends were mad that he was to lazy to come get me. so my older, very strong brother *who my bf is intimidated by* called him up and basically told him he needs to treat me right and that since i'm his gf he should have the courtesy to pick me up and that if he treats me like garbage, there's gunna be a problem. and i was upset at both him and my brother and since then, my bf hasn't called or tried to get in contact with me. i've texted him but he's been short with me or just doesn't respond and i called him today and he was with his best friend so i said "ok well do you wanna call me back when you get home" and he was like "yeah i guess?" which just about made me cry *i've been all emotional this weekend*. is my bf really that mad at ME even though it was something HE did...or rather DIDN'T do?? does he just need time to cool off? i'm determined to not let something so stupid break us up, but idk if he'll realize how dumb this is and will just end things. i feel stupid for asking this, but i really care about him and don't want to lose him over something so small, and i really need some advice.
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You were the one who blew this out of proportion and you owe him an apology.
He made a mistake, a small, innocent mistake, because he didn't understand your expectation. Boyfriends are not mind readers! Being angry with him for that is like kicking a puppy for a chewing your shoes. The puppy didn't know any better so don't leave your shoes lying around.
Can you be annoyed? Yeah sure. Can you calmly say to him "Hey Hun, I thought you'd pick me up!" and then jokingly tease and embaress him a bit over it for weeks? Of course you can! But if you want him to realize this is no big deal, you better realize that this is no big deal and apologize to him for acting like it was. In future, when you make plans with him, you should clarify things like who is driving.
You can end this dumb fight by apologizing to him for over-reacting and for allowing your brother to bully and threaten him. But if were your boyfriend, I wouldn't take you back without some serious promises that you wouldn't let such a stupid little thing drive you to hysterics again.
He was a bit rude to you, but he didn't mean to be, and you deliberately treated him like shit when you didn't simply forgive him his innocent error, but get your family involved instead and allowed your brother to behave that way! That was incredibly immature honey and a very poor decision. I wouldn't want to date someone who did that to me. Chilvary isn't just something guys do for girls, it's about respect and it has to go both ways!
So if you really do care about this guy, show some compassion and apologize for your poor handling of the situation. His mistake didn't warrant what he has been put through.
EDIT: Darling, you are right. I was too harsh on you. But here is why: I can't believe for a second, that your bother responding like that if all you said was "Hey can I borrow the car?" and you mentioned 'friends and family’. I mean did you tell the whole neighborhood how your boyfriend fucked up?
Being a mature relationship requires taking responsibility, for the things you say to people that drive them to believe he is such a scum bag, and sometimes even for your own family. For instance, my big brother might make the mistake of doing something like that a boyfriend of mine: That's why he doesn't know his phone number or home address. My brother is a hot head, but that doesn’t mean my boyfriend should get abused each time I express displeasure with him.
Take some responsibility for things that are under your control, and the impression you give others around you and your maybe your guy will get a clue about responsibility and respect as well.
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I think that is really stupid that he did that. That is really selfish of him I think you need to try to corner him to tell him what you need to say. Make him talk to you. and if he won't listen then he should really be stupid not to. He has something special with you and doesn't see it. He shouldn't be mad at you he should have thought of what he had done and he should pick you up.
another way to get him is try to find out where he will be and try to corner him or something. Try to sneak up on him and tell him how you feel
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Dear Confused,
I really think that he just needs sometime to cool off and also, I know that your brother is trying to protect you but really, tell him to bug off. I'm going to be honest with you, if I had a boyfriend and he didnt pick me up for our three month, I'd be fuming furious. I do think that your brother is right for telling him off and telling him that he needs to treat you right, because he does! You seem very nice and you should be treated with respect. If he isnt willing to spare some gas for you, you need to tell him to get his proitories straight. I really think that you should talk to him and let him blow off some steam. You seem really stressed out, I suggest a nice bubble bath with aromatherapy candles. That should help! :) I hope I helped and I hope everything goes well. Good Luck! Let me know how things turn out.
Sincerly,
Lisa xox
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Next time, don't get someone else involved.
Really, getting a ride from him.. isn't a big deal.
Sometimes you need to get yourself there and it would actually be nice to pay too. Some people don't have the time or lot's of money, you know?
He's probably upset (mad) that you had your brother in it. So just give him some time. If the relationship ends over this, he's not worth it.
But really, just work it out with him and nobody else. It just leads to problems.
He's probably mad that you got mad over something small.
Just wait and call him, tell him your sorry that your brother got into it. Say he was eavesdropping and whatnot.
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