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Do I need to be concerned?
I am 21 and a bit of a "nerd." I love to be around girls, but I have always been shy, and I have not had many dates. The dates I've had were just dinner and a movie and then take the girl back to her home, and I'd go back to mine, and maybe we'd talk by phone later, and go out again sometime, but nothing more. All pretty innocent stuff; rarely even a kiss.
But recently I met an attractive girl in one of my glasses and things are different this time. She was hard not to notice because she often wears short skirts or shorts (when the weather permits), and she has really nice long legs and a great body to match. We have gone out several times. After the first three dates where we did nothing but kiss, we began getting a little more intimate. Since our fifth date, she has given me a handjob on every date. Of course I enjoy it and would do practically anything to have her do it to me. But here is my concern: She seems like a nice person, and even has certain Christian values, goes to church regularly, and other stuff. Yet, she tells me that she has given most of her other guy friends handjobs. When she told me that, I felt a whole lot less special, and so I asked her why she did it. She told me simply that she thought "guys like it", and she saw nothing wrong with doing for them what they do for themselves all of the time. She says she's a virgin and will not have intercourse until marriage. Now, everything else about the relationship seems to be going well except for my knowing that she gives guys what they want (within limits). I am not very experienced with dating and with girls. Is this normal behavior in dating? Did I grow up in such a conservative environment that I never learned about these things? Or, is she not the "nice" girl that I thought she is? If this is the case, I want to get out of this relationship as soon as I can find the courage. I just don't know what is "normal" dating behavior, and what to expect. Is this what people do on dates? Do girls and guys our age (were both 21 now, and we were 20 when we met) do these things (i.e., have manual sex) fairly casually? Or, is my "nice" girlfriend really promiscuous?"
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Oh, sweetie..i'm seventeen and feel that i've seen more of the world than you..obviously you were rather sheltered..if you like it, don't complain..who says you have to be a pristine, nice young gentleman...and every girl has a wild side..and also, what is wrong with a girl that may be a little promiscuous? even though giving a handjob is not really promiscuous...sex is usually a part of a normal relationship..it's okay..what you're doing is not wrong..don't stress
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There is a difference between being promiscuous as you call it or a whore as I would call it and being easy. This girl is simply easy, the type of person that would have been pressured into sex as a teenager (but like you said, she said she's a virgin) Any way she does things to guys who ask becasue she wants to keep them happy not becasue she gts pleaseure out of it. She is probably not as "nice" as you think butshe is not a whore
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Okay. First of all... SHE BETTER NOT BE GIVING THOSE OTHER GUYS HAND JOBS WHEN YOU TWO ARE GOING OUT. NEVER NEVER NEVER. Honestly I think you have a bad relationship with her. It seems like she's just using you if all you did on the first few dates was kiss and now all she does is give you hand jobs. Of course guys like it you idiot. That's not an excuse. Seriously dude. Sometimes it depends whether or not you're doing this stuff already with her when you've been on like 5 dates. To some people its alot and to some its a little. I mean, some people do it on the first date. She told you she wants to get married, so thats good if you're looking for that. You guys need to stop fooling around so much, becuase if you wnt a long term good realationship with this girl.... then you need to start getting to know each other. Don't just keep her becuase she's good looking and your a nerd and you wnat to show her off. thats STUPIDDDD. Just do what you think is right.
it's,
ONLY_THE_TRUTH
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Updated***
Thankyou for your reply and I wish you the best. This relationship may not be a total loss if you and she can agree on what you both want out of it, and start from there. All of us have weaknesses, and that is why we need to use self-prescribed boundaries that will protect us from more than we can handle.
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It is all subjective really. To some this would be shocking and to others it would be pretty tame. Many young adults your age are doing a lot more than that and have been for years. I don't think one needs to make sexuality a part of dating, and it sounds like this young woman has found a way to compromise. She wants to protect her values as far as virginity is concerned, but feels she must give guys some sort of sexual experience or they will not date her. I certainly would not judge her for this! Normal dating behavior has changed with each generation and is different depending on where you live and what you believe. You cannot be thinking that she is not a "nice" girl, unless you want to be a major hypocrite. It is not her fault that you are unexperienced in dating and sexuality. If you wanted a girl that did not do that, then you should not have accepted again and again. You are not against it morally, you are merely being jealous and possessive, something you have no right to be. She is not promiscuous and obviously has high standards for herself, and has probably had to really stand up for herself against guys that pressured her for much more. It is an unfair fantasy that a woman will be a slut for you and a holy untouchable for anyone else, as if you alone gave her sexuality, while you feel free from any judgement of yourself. Women have every opportunity thrown at them constantly for sex from just about every guy they see, and the reason women do not jump at those opportunities like a guy certainly would, is that women are judged unfairly for being sexual, and women have throughout all of history had to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy, rape, stereotypes, and judgement from hypocrites. Sorry, but you will get no sympathy from me. You had better rethink your judgement, or you are sure to lose her and other opportunities to date real women.
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