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his actions at work concern me
My bf is the owner and chef of a small cafe in town. I've been hearing stories from two of the waitresses that work for him that he is a complete jerk to work for. One of them told me that once he threw something and yelled "how many times do I have to show you"! He will scream and holler at them in front of all the customers if they screw up an order when it's busy. One time I went in to talk to one of the waitresses and he yelled "no talking while your working"! I was so embarrassed for her that I left. I heard he also said once "I would fire you if I wasnt' friends with you" to another worker. My concern is if he has this much anger at his work that he could turn it on me. Should I get out?
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Hello,
How much more evidence do you need? You're already questioning this relationship. The waitresses informed you - his girlfriend - that he was a "complete jerk" to work for.
Eventually - and I'm not saying tomorrow, or next week - he will take that anger out of you in some fashion. Do you really want to be humiliated in public?
You wouldn't have written if that little voice in you indicated something was wrong. His behavior is disrespectful toward other people. There are kind and gentle men out there and I hope you'll find one.
Kindly,
Cavatica
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Don't get out. At least, not over that.
Why?
Well, Rule Number One, of course!!
Rule Number One states that if someone has a high-stress (or just plain bad) job, it is extremely possible, in fact, highly likely, that they have two personalities.
Work personality.
Home personality.
These personalities may be drastically different, and they are in no way related.
Don't worry about it.
If you are embarassed about the way he treats his employees, don't go into his cafe. If you feel bad about it, or he asks why you aren't going, just tell him that you aren't comfortable mixing personal and work life.
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Yes. If you were my friend, I would tell you to be very careful if you choose to continue with a guy this volatile, so my advice is the same for you. He needs counseling and a few chill pills..metaphorically speaking, because he is not only going to drive his employees and customers away, he is going to drive himself into a heart attack. When you leave him, do so in a safe place with many witnesses. He could turn on you.
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I guess it hinges on whether he can, or cannot, keep his anger at work. Even if he can, it sounds like it might still bother you in the long run if he is at work with this kind of anger (even if he never brings it home).
This is one of the reasons that I have refused to do kitchen work in the past; its exacting if you take it seriously and it can be extremely high-stress. And if he is a chef, I'm sure he must have some high standards - things need to be right the first time and you cant screw around.
I'm not excusing his outbursts though (shows like Hells Kitchen might inadvertadly give people the impresson that kitchen tantrums are normal). Unfortunately I am not familiar with your BF enough to advise you as whether you should talk to him about this. That will have to be your call, as to whether or not he would take it the right way and not lose his temper if you bring it up.
I cant say if he will turn on you or not, but I would say its a good thing that you are asking the question. If you think he would be willing to change, then by all means go for it. But if you think it might simply exacerbate things bringing it up to him, then maybe you should be ready to leave just in case. We cannot really tell how he is, and if he is violatile enough that he might direct his anger at you eventually (he might never, who knows).
Bear in mind though that its a stressful situation, and he may have had some justification in his anger (though perhaps his method of dealing with it was wrong). Bottom line though - if you are wanting something long-term with him, I'd insist that he get some counseling, some help for his anger, so that he can deal with the stress better. Especially before going any further than BF/GF with him, if the anger bothers you, either it needs to be dealt with or it might be a deal-breaker.
GL in however you choose to deal with this
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Yes. This anger at work, could turn to you. If you are his girlfriend, and those are his friends, he sounds like he could easily treat you that way as well. If you are uncomfortable with that risk, get out of the relationship right now. <3
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