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I'm sick & my boyfriend isn't showing me ANY affection.
I got braces last Thursday, and on Friday I went to the doctors for painkillers for my mouth because I was getting severe migraines, and I found out that I had MONO. I'm not sure exactly who I got it from because my boyfriend has never had mono before, so I'm guessing I got it from one of my friends from school, since I share drinks with a lot of people, (which I know is really bad!)
But, I've been really sick, and my boyfriend has too, he has like constant diaherra, and I went over to his house on Saturday and I cleaned his apartment a little bit to make him feel better, and he did. Everyone was saying what a wonderful girlfriend I was taking care of him, and we must "really be in love if she's taking care of you with a problem like THAT!"
Although I was sick, I felt good doing something for him. [: When we first started dating I said one of my biggest fantasies would be my boyfriend coming over with a movie, soup, & flowers when I'm sick. He told me on Saturday that he would bring me flowers, and he never did because he "ran out of money." Although he's been going out with his friend for dinners and stuff like that.
I've talked to him about this, and he said, "I'm a failure as a boyfriend, I'm the worst person alive." And, yeah, I feel he is. Because we're too completely different people and I feel that I care way too much about him, a lot more then what he cares about me, and I just want him to be at my doorstep, not even with flowers, I just want him to surprise me, and make me feel good. :[
What should I do!?! I'm so confused.. :[
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The poor fellow has(in your own words) constant diarrhoerra!
Do you really want someone bringing you soup and then running away so he doesnt shit himself ?
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What he said:
"I'm a failure as a boyfriend, I'm the worst person alive."
Here's what it means:
"You have a problem with the way I'm acting, and I'm actually inclined to agree with you. However, I don't want to have to do anything about it; it's just not a high enough priority for me. Furthermore, I'm going to put myself down in a major way, which serves two purposes: One, I'm hoping you'll feel sorry for me and shower me with the same affection I won't give you; and two, you'll have a hard time pressing the issue, because it will look like you actually DO think I'm the worst person alive, which of course is a huge over-reaction."
In other words, he's said something incredibly selfish that's carefully worded so that it seems to be precisely the opposite.
You need to nip this in the bud by calling him on it. When he says something like that, just respond with, "so, in other words, you're not actually going to do anything about it?" He will probably try to make it seem like you're asking too much of him, he'll point out the things about himself that are positive, he'll accuse you of being demanding and unreasonable, yada yada - in other words, he will defend himself against the accusation HE made, which is that he's the worst person alive. Don't let him play that game! He WANTS you to agree with him when he says he's the worst person alive and a total failure, because then he can pretend that this isn't his fault, you're just a demanding b*tch who can't be satisfied.
In a nutshell, he seems to be a very self-centered guy. When the chips were down, he wasn't there for you, and he apparently thinks he shouldn't have to be. I'd give him a chance to correct that mistake, but only ONE chance. If he continues to whine like a spoiled child and refuses to acknowledge that he did anything wrong, then find someone else. Your "fantasy" is something that a man in love with you should be pleased and even proud to be able to fulfill.
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You should tell him everything you just told the whole advicenators site. If something like that doesn't change his mind, and make him care more about you, then I don't know what will.
Just remember, he is a male. And males do disappoint most of the time.
I know excactly how you feel, and it is probably one of the worst feelings in the world, but talk to him. There's really not anything else you can do.
Don't give him the attention that you want.
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Hint to him you want him to surprise you. Try to make it sound like your dissapointed in him and tell him you wish he could show you alittle more affection & appreciation. Try seriously talking to him. If he doesn`t shape up, tell him you want to take a break so you guys can figure things out. He should realize how much he misses you and cares about you. Hope things work out. ♥
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