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how can my boyfriend and I come to some agreement?
My boyfriend wants to have children after marriage. Not right away though. Maybe 1-3 years after marriage. I don't want children. I think its a huge responsibility and will put a stop to some plans that I have. He said that if I don't have his children that he would not marry me. I fell in love with him and want this to work out between us. He says he loves me very much. He says that he would be a great father and would help out a lot and this is his dream to have this family. How do I come with an agreement with him? What is so great about having children?
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I don't know how old you are! That is huge in a question like this.
If you're a teenager, you may change your mind about having kids. I didn't want kids when I was 17. Now that I'm 20, it's one of my biggest dreams for my life. As you get older your attitudes about this type of stuff can change very quickly and very dramatically.
If you aren't a teenager, this isn't what you're going to want to hear, but if you can't come to an agreement on this, do not get married to each other. Marriage not only needs love and committment, but compatability. If he is adament about having kids and you are adamently against it, you two are not compatible. End of story. You two don't have the same values or goals in life and that is a huge wall that you just can't get over. If you were to get married, you'd probably end up getting divorced. Your boyfriend would start to feel like he couldn't live a full life with you. He knows this and what he is suggesting (not marrying you) is the right thing to do. He really loves you and cares about you, but he's not going to sacrifice his own self-fulfillment for it. He's a smart man. He realizes that his happiness is just as important as yours. If he's not happy, you probably won't be either. It really is for the best. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but be optimistic. If things don't work out with him, you will find another love. Try to talk about this kind of thing near the beginning of a relationship so that it doesn't get this far next time. If you had talked about this with each other earlier, you may not have ended up getting so close only to break apart over something so small. Good luck.
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I understand where both of you are coming from, but look at it from his point of you.
Having kids is a wonderful thing. You're bringing a new life into the world. You get to see them grow up, and take their first steps, and hear them say their first words. That's a once in a life time experience. People who don't have kids miss out on that, and while they think it's great, they see parents with these cute babies and being able to have fun, and put love at a new level. Even though they're a big responsibility, nobody will love you more than your own child.
♥TiNA
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