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Tricky... and long, sorry
18/F
I recently (two months ago) became friends with this group of girls after I broke off with my friends of four years. The prime group of girls consist of D, H and M. I've suffered from depression and having it out with my old friends really took a toll on me and my new friends have helped me through it. H has always made me feel better, D has always cheered me up and M listens to all my problems.
Last week we went to this party. I saw C, this really hot bad boy type from back in high school. I don't know but whenever I see this guy, I feel electricity. Like I get goosebumps. So I was sitting with D later on and I was being casually like, "C is kinda hot. You think i'd I try, he'll give me a go?". D was silent for a second and then she's like, "You can't do that" and when I asked her why she told me that M and C had this thing going on for the past five years where he used to like her and she rejected him because he was a loser and then she started to like him four years ago (this is all without saying a word to each other) and only recently she had started talking to him again and he was cool with talking to her too but apparently she's still obsessed but trying to get over him. But she hasn't seen him for three months because she wasn't at the party.
I was kind of mad after that though and now I'm wondering whether I should still go after him. He's one of the only people who make me feel that way and I think he's exactly my type whereas M is kind of a good girl. I don't even know if he likes me back but I think he might. I know if I start something in front of M, that'll be too insensitive. But maybe I can keep it under cover until she's over him? I feel kinda guilty but if she's trying to get over him, he should be fair game and she deserves someone better than him anyway. He's kind of a trouble maker.
Any help will be appreciated. I'll feedback.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Don't sneak around with him behind your friends back until she gets over it. Because, 1: what if she never gets over him? 2: you'd be lying to her for the longest time, and nobody should do that to a friend. 3: if she ever found out, which she wound sooner or later she'd get real upset that you're with the guy she really likes and that you've been lying to her after all that time. So, no good can come of that. I would just suggest talking to him for now and getting to know him better, but then if you really can't wait any longer to make a move on him, talk to her about it. Let her know since the party, you've been talking to him, and if she'd be fine if you two started dating. If she's not [ and if you want to be a good friend ] then wait until she's comfortable with it or over him. And if she's not fine with it at all, I wouldn't suggest going after him, because are you going to lose a great friend whose been there for you through tough times, over a guy you might be with for like, a month and then it's kaput? Plus, I'm sure if you two broke up and you need someone there for you, she wouldn't be. So, my advice..keep the friend, forget the guy. I hope I helped.
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hey tricky!!
Wow relationships are deffinatly a tuffy! I think that you should talk to "M" and if she says she needs her space, then I'm sure that you can find some one else, at least for a while. C may be more to M than u think. You're right he should be fair game. but you have to think: would m do this to me? Would she stab me in the back? Boys can be hard to come by but friends are 10 harder to come by. and crushes are extremly hard to get over even if nothing happened. I remember once when i was like 14 i had this huge crush on this guy. I had liked him for over 3 years. and then my bff started hitting on him.I freaked out adn we fought for weeks. But then I realized that it is just a guy and i apologized. I still like him and she quit hitting on him(she lost interest) and we are still bffs. I know you may think that he's totally wrong for her but she obviously doesnt think so. I really wouldnt recomend sneaking around. thats the worst thing that you could possibly do. Not only will M get mad but so will H and D because they will think that you wil do it to them. I know you like c but he is just a boy keep the crush a secret just for now. I hope this helps. If not, sorry but just remember that everyone has a different level of sensitivity adn what you do may effect the future you adn in this case your future friends. Losing friends is tough and if you already lost some recently you shouldnt opt to lose anymore.
Good luck!
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Hey. Wow this is a really tough one. Well it sounds to me that you should first of all talk to your friend because if you start going out with him sneakily then she will be even more upset about it. Just explain your feelings to her and say you didn't know until after about the whole situation. Just be honest. Then, if she says it's okay I would take it easy with the guy at first. You know, just be friends and stuff and let everything happen slowly but don't talk about him much around this friend because it will probably hurt her and make her angry or upset. If she says no then I would continue to talk to her and say you can't help your feelings for him. I really hope this will help and please give me feed back my friend.
Chrissie
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