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Husband's two hours away..
I'm 21/f married to a 23/m. We've been married for two and a half years and we have a five month old baby girl. We've known each other since I was sixteen. Lately we've really been having our ups and downs.
We're moving two hours away from where we live now, because of the job he got. He already moved to where we're going to be living, so he can start the job and not have to drive two hours there and two hours back each day, while I stay here and sell the house. He's living in an apartment until we sell the house and our baby and myself move there.
The problem is, I don't know how to deal with it anymore. See he's a policeman, and it's something he really loves doing. I've told him I don't want him to do it but I don't want to crush his dream of being what he wants to be just because I'll worry about him. Anyways we talk alot on the phone and he comes home almost every weekend if he has it off. But some days we don't get to talk because he's so busy with work and I'm working and taking care of the baby when I get home. I miss him so much at night I could cry and cry until I don't have tears left but I force myself not to sometimes for my baby girl. I feel alone alot and sometimes I question if he really loves me or not. Then I beat myself up over it all for thinking that when I know he does.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how long it'll have to be like this but I don't know how long I can take it. Any advice would be apreciated alot. Thanks
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You just had a baby and it takes at least a year to return to normal...ha-ha, whatever that is! Your hormones are on overdrive, you have the pressures of motherhood and now your husband is gone most of the time! No wonder you are having difficulty, as anyone could in that circumstance. Do not beat yourself up about it at all. You need friends, a mom, sister, church, anyone who can lend support right now. Your situation is temporary and you will get through it, but you need to lean on people other than your husband. He probably cannot take the emotional weight of all your needs and being a man, he will not understand the complications of motherhood and other things you are going through like a good female companion would. Don't just sit around the house. Seek out a mom's group in your church or community that will introduce you to the wonders of moms in you situation! You need to know and your lovely girl needs to see that mommy is capable of getting out of the house and having a life without a man to hold her up. He is a policeman, but there are equally dangerous fields of work out there and you just can't give in to thinking negatively anyway. He needs you to believe in him and you need to start believing in yourself. Get out of the house today and enjoy a walk in the park or a mall. Seek out other moms who will share your pains and laughter. You deserve some smiles!!!
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You need to go to him. Easier said than done, I know...but family is more important than any obstacle standing in your way right now.
You will be paying for both your mortgage and his rent, whether you live in the house or not. I would clean it out, put all the stuff I can't bring with me in storage and go. The house isn't going to sell any faster just because you're living in it! Infact, it will probably sell faster if it's vacant! I would lower my asking price, show urgency and stress immediate occupancy. It may take a little while, but it will sell. Then you and your hubby can buy a new love nest! Until then, I would be happy living all together in his little apartment.
Also, have you considered renting your house out instead of selling it right away? That way you are not paying for mortgage AND rent...just a thought.
Keep your head up, you will be together soon!
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If it is at all possible, move into the apartment with him. I really can't think of any good reason for you to stay in the house until it's sold because that could take a very long time. It's normal to wonder if he really loves you, but if you're near him, all doubts will disappear.
Here are some websites that might help you:
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First is there a really GOOD reason you and the baby need to stay until the house is sold? That can take years sometimes.
I suggest you clean the house out, Pack up anything you need to keep and head on down to where he is.
Shut off the utilities at the house so you save some money there and scrimp if you have to just to stay together as a family. Find a friend or relative to deal with a realtor and just go.
You may have a good reason for staying that I don't know of...but that is what you need to do.
I am sure they have support groups for spouses of policeman. Check that out once you are moved. Being the wife of an officer is a very high stress thing! Having some women who are in your same situation will be very helpful for you.
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