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I need a mental health "wellness coach"
I have gone thru a lot of very difficult times this year--academically and socially. I moved to new york last year. I have few friends here, and the friends I do have i'm not really compatible with on an intellectual or interest-level. i.e., I enjoy reading about current events, the NYT, and ballet/jazz/classical whereas they enjoy clubbing/partying, hate discussing current events, and hate classical music, ballet, jazz, and in general, none of them have a similar type of intellectual curiosity as I do.
I am a shy person, and traditionally, I have let people come to me for friendships. Basically, you could say that I could work on my social skills. I was an introvert throughout my early life until college because I was made fun of a lot by the other girls in my school (I was basically Joan Cusack in high school--glasses, awkward, first to need a bra, girls snapped my bra all the time and called me fatty.)
Anyhow, college was the first time in my life that I could have actual friends who didn't dump me after their cooler friends told them to. In college, I was a workaholic overachiever-type and spent 80% of my free time with my serious bf. Longstory short: we almost got engaged, but I backed out, and I have been single for almost 4 yrs now since college.
Since my ex, I have not met any attractive guys who don't treat me like a piece of meat (want to sleep with me on the first date). Basically, my dating situation is abyssmal. The only men that hit on me either a)expect to score on teh first date OR b)are extremely unattractive physically (overweight and other things as well.)
I have trouble making compatible friends with compatible hobbies. I have tried all meetup groups and have found that I don't really fit in with or find people I form friendships with from meetups to be intellectually satisfying.
I have problems meeting men who don't try to hook up with me on the first date, and my career is in shambles because I just dropped out of a grad program due to getting a C+. Anyhow, I need advice--all the advice I can get on how to improve my life in three respects: I'd like to get back on a positive career trajectory (get a decent job), make more compatible, intellectual friends, and also, since I've been single for about 4 yrs now, find a nice, smart, attractive guy to date who isn't out to get into my pants on the first date, etc.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
well, you need to take a little bit to recompose yourself, and try to get your mind back on track, cuz it seems like it's a mess. don't think about guys for a little bit, try to get back on track in school and with your friends. and when you do want to start thinking about guys again, call me. i'm free very often and i wait until at least the 5th or 6th date
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Well im not certified but I am taking college classes to get my degree in psychiatry. I will do my best to help you. It seems to me like you need to do some soul searching. Find yourself. Figure out what kind of person you want to be and make goals to get yourself there. I mean you could get a counseling wellness coach and spend money and time hearing the same things im telling you in a different prospective. The only key to this is self trust and self confidence. It all has to do with YOU and can only come from you. I can tell you what to do all day long but it is you who needs to determine how and when to do it. Dont put yourself down and dont throw away this advice. Ive been through the same things and i can definately relate to you. It will take time but as long as you put forth the effort to make the change..only what you want will and can happen. Your future lies in your hands. And there will be times when you say "screw this, i give up"..im not saying there wont..but dont let those times get the best of you. Wake up each day and remember that you have the potential to do anything you desire. Also get closer with God, prayer changes a lot of things and so will God. Trust him and he will take good care of you. I promise. Good luck. My AIM is Keosha15 and you can talk to me anytime you'd like.
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That is a lot! Well, I would not give up your dreams of a career, friends and meeting some decent men, but tackle one thing at a time. First, focus on yourself and your main goal. Talk to a college and career counselor about getting grad school back into the picture if that is important to you and your future career.
Second, thank the stars that highschool etc. is not forever! People change a lot, and by the time you make your first reunion you will be pleasantly surprised to see who the winners turned out to be-yourself included! The best way to meet people with similar interests as you, is the same as buying good Real Estate...location, location, location! Don't wait to take a friend to the next event that interests you. Go alone and mingle! The men and women there already want to be there and you will start off having that in common! Also, be open to friendships with people who are not your ideal friends. You may meet some terrific gals and guys (potential dates) through an older person. Keep an open mind and start conversing with people by showing the world that you are someone they would love to get to know. Are you happy or miserable? What vibe are you putting off? If you put off a positive vibe and smile, people will be more open to you.
Third, make sure that you are not seeking out guys that are looking for sex only. I don't know why you broke of your engagement, but if it was because of a fear to commit, this could be why you are dating losers. We pick the people in our life, and our patterns become more apparent when we open our eyes to our own hidden motives. A lot of guys would like to score on the first date, but that does not mean you have to dump them right away. If when you tell them you don't have casual sex, but would love to continue to hang out or date more, most of them split then no loss. However, you eventually get one of them thinking that you are worth waiting for if you let him know you like him, but respect yourself, too.
Younger guys don't usually look to settle into a monogamous relationship, so don't take it personally. You may find yourself happier dating a bit older guys who are sick of the dating frenzy, at least until you find Mr. Right. Make sure you don't settle for a loser, though, since we want you available when a cool guy does come along. Sometimes we miss the good guy, because we women are too busy crying over the jerks! Been there, done that! You sound very bright and ready to take control of your life, so good luck my dear!
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