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Where to find a good therapist
I'm the same person who put up the last advice question on how to deal with the masturbation rumor going around grad school. The truth is my reputation is so severely damaged that everyday, approximately two or three times a day, I have to hear, "C said she was masturbating in the library." This really bothers me because the rumor has gone on for almost a year now, and the majority of people I know actually believe the (false) rumor because it comes down to a she-said, she-said thing, and this woman, C, has been spreading it around to so many people while I just completely ignored the rumor, acted like I didn't hear anything, and just completely ignored it when some girls said mean things to me--Two women, both grad students, actually shouted out "Stop masturbating!" while I was walking and passed them by.
In all seriousness, I think their behavior is childish and moreover, it has completely damaged my reputation at school. The rumor is so embarassing that I only told a few of my non-school friends about the rumor, and everyone told me to just ignore it.
But after ignoring it for a year, the rumor died down and then started escalating again during hte summer, and now it's gotten to the point where I can't go anywhere in public around campus without running into a school person whom I overhear saying "C saw her masturbating in the library."
My friends from college said that they don't have any advice for me other than ignoring the rumor. But that hasn't worked, and in fact, for some reason, after ignoring it for months, it's gotten to the point where people just openly talk about it within earshot of me: "She's crazy. She was masturbating in a public place? Who told me that? C__." Anyhow, I'm thinking about getting a therapist to specifically discuss this issue and how to handle this.
Being one of a few non-affluent,non-cool people in an academic program before, I have run into bullies before, but not like this. This rumor has gone on so long, and people really do belive it. One girl was with her parents on the subway while I was riding from campus to my apt., and I heard her telling her parents "That's the psycho that was masturbating in the library." And her parents literally shook their hands and said, "God help her." It's really frustrating to me that a)teh majority of people believe it is true, when it's not and b)that strangers, people i have never even met or spoken to, will automatically label me as "the girl who was masturbating in the library," just because C_ said i was. i have kept quiet for a long time, and I was thinking about just confronting her and asking her to stop. But, my friends think that's a bad idea because that'll just rile her up even more and cause her to create a new rumor about me--I actually was working out in the gym one day, and overheard the girl telling another girl, "Let's tell everyone that she is lesbian too because she is giving us the eye." I was giving her the eye because I'm mad at what she did, and wanted to let her know that I knew. But if I do that, I'll probably just incite her to further damage my reputation. It may not seem possible at this point, but she could allege something even worse if I confront her and ask her politely to stop, like I was flashing her and then urinated on her or something.
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I can only suggest that you start libel prosecution against the rumour-monger. Perhaps a letter from a solicitor would finally shut the talking up. Ask to see the most senior person where you are studying and explain what is happening and you are considering taking legal action. Defammatory remarks are against the law and perhaps the threat of being sued might help too.
Please don't do anything against the other girl because she could then counter-react with libel action.
Finally, depending on how desperate you are, how about taking out a small ad in the local newspaper/campus newsletter explaining how hurt you are by all of these alleged rumours and you need it to stop now. Point out that they are totally false and legal action will be taking.
I wish you good luck and hope it all finally goes away.
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