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Question Posted Sunday July 16 2006, 2:35 pm

Okay, here's what's going on in my life right now - I just recently got out of a relationship, and I'm reacting to the breakup kind of strangely. I never really cried, but I keep feeling my eyes burn and my throat tighten. I never cry for more than like, 30 seconds.
I've always had kind of a habit of forcing myself not to cry, and I'm worried that it's gone too far. I feel like, emotionally numb. I'm not upset or angry, I'm just kind of...there.
Physically, I have no appetite, and no energy. Thing is, I'm trying to lose weight. I weigh about 130 and I'm 5'4". My goal is 118, and I've been doing like, Atkins and South Beach - both work really well, by the way.
I know anorexia is not the way to go and it's insanely unhealthy, but I don't want to eat if I'm not hungry...and I'm never hungry. The other day I didn't eat until around 3pm, and picked at what I got. I'm also having major sleep problems...
I'm basically falling apart, and I don't know what to do.
I NEED to lose the weight, is my main thing. I hate my body and I always have. I want the image I have in my mind...but I don't have the motivation to work out recently. What I thought I might do is try to lose fat and hit 118, then start toning. I know I'll gain muscle, but at least if I hit 118 first, then tone, I'll know it's muscle.
Anyway, I don't know what's going on with my reaction to breaking up, and I don't know how to fix it. I actually tried to make myself cry, and I got like, one tear. I was with this guy for quite awhile, and we had an amazing connection. Why am I not more upset?
I don't understand it.
In any case, I wanna hear what you guys have to say, so speak up.
Pay attention to your spelling and grammar, please. I'll rate you down if it's incorrect.

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NeedAdvice21 answered Monday July 17 2006, 9:38 pm:
Hi. You probably are not used to this kind of stuff and its new for you. Also since you couldn't really cry, you could be used to the fact that its over or you might have gotten over it. I know how if feels like and I can't really cry myself. I have know idea why. From what I think is that its just being used to it. I hope I helped.

[ NeedAdvice21's advice column | Ask NeedAdvice21 A Question

sassysara answered Sunday July 16 2006, 5:18 pm:
It sounds to me like you may be clinically depressed. When a person gets depressed not only is one of the symptoms trouble sleeping but also a change in your appetite is a red flag. Many people believe that with depression it is the opposite that you sleep all the time and eat constantly, however, it can also be the opposite. I would suggest that if this does not improve soon that you visit a health care professional to discuss options that would benefit you.

As for the not eating and its effect on your weight loss plan when you don't eat your body actually starts to store fat because it doesn't know when more food is coming. This makes it much harder to lose weight. I would suggest that you at least try to eat something small and healthy like fruit or a salad. I know on Atkins that you are not allowed fruit though so maybe try eating one of the Atkins bars would be a good idea for you?

[ sassysara's advice column | Ask sassysara A Question

Lola answered Sunday July 16 2006, 3:52 pm:
I read your problem, and i understand how that must be really tough on you. But while reading this, i figured that what you are going through is simply a feeling that a person gets when he loses hope in himself and in his life and all that surround him. Its this really strange feeling... its like you are hurt to the extent that you can't even cry, talk,sleep, go out, eat or do anything of what you always used to do. you just feel that everything is tasteless and has no meaning anymore, and you just feel really lonely in this strange way, like you are in a world of your own. And i am telling you that,because i had that feeling before, and went through all that. I may be 13 years old, but believe it or not, i went through it all and i felt it all and saw it all. Its horrible and terrible, and all this misery and depression the person feels,and how he keeps all his emotions and feelings locked up inside him, because he simply doesn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. This may happen when you breakup a relationship or a friendship,or when you simply lose someone really close to your heart, someone that you cared about and loved dearly.
Now i know how you feel, and how this person must have been really special to you.
You may not cry now, or feel any kind of depression or misery for what happened, but its all inside you, and after a couple of days, or maybe weeks, it will all come out, and you will cry so hard for hours and hours to come.
Thats what happened to me when i passed through all this and thats what any other person also passed through.
You know i always had this idea about life, that its like a race and all you have to do is to keep on running , but then sometimes we face a problem, therefore, we fall down on our knees and we cry out loud"oh my god! i fell down and i can't get up!",but then eventually we get up and move on with our lives, but there are some people who just end there lives right there and commit suicide ,because they think that its there ticket out of this life, but they are so dead wrong, thats why i don't want you to ever think of doing such a thing, because people who do these things are simply cowards and are running away from their problems.
So you fell down, and it hurts to the extent that you didn't even cry ,and you simply feel numb, not angry nor mad nor sad, but simply numb and emotionless, and then you start feeling really bad and you get all depressed. But then you get up and move on and make up for the time you wasted in the race.
Listen, i don't know if you are buying anything from what i am saying, but i need to tell you something. you are an incredible fantastic and truly amazing person, and i may not know you or know no shit about your life, but i have read enough and learnt enough, to know that you are a strong person from inside, and you are strong willed and determined.
Don't ever come to think that your life is has come to an end, just because you broke up a may have loved this person dearly, and you may have been crazy about him, but there comes a time when a person has to give up the things that he likes the most in his life for his own good and for others good too.
And there also comes the time when a person has to move on, i mean, for heaven sake, we all get crapped up in problems and our lives get so messed up, and sometimes our loved ones even die, not only do they break up with us, but they die, so you have to be grateful that this person is still a live . And you should try to be reasonable and senseable about it.
You have to move on, its time to move on, start a new life , meet new people, occupy your time with work or activities or sports or whatever it is, make new friends, go and date someone else, there is alot in life that you still don't know , so go out there and live your life, instead of drawing an ending line for it because of one relationship that could be replaced and it could be an even better person,who will be with you forever and won't break your heart,and if you wanted to lose weight,then go to the gymnasium and run the track and go for long walks and make a healthy food plan.
Listen, you should always look at the bright side of everything and take advantage of the good things, and always be optimistic and cheerful and strong willed. And always know that you are a good person and that millions of people wish to be with you,so don't starve yourself to death and waste your health and life on one problem .. one relationship,or should i say, one problem that has a solution, and if you try to consider what i said and think about all this, you'll see that the solution is right there in front ofyou, and that is,simply to move on with your life .
" Hope is there, believe it or not, but sadness can control alot, don't let it get you, don't let it beat you,and let faith grow from the inside"

I know that it sounds a little childish, but its the only thing that made me move on with me life.So please try to sit alone and think about all what happened, and about your relationship and all the memories you had, and how it didnt work out because it was simply not meant to, and think of what i said, and that you should move on, and change and start over.
Thats it for now, so i will leave you a chance to think things over, and if you need any more advice or help, you can send me a personal message or email me at, and i will give you all the advice you need.
so goodluck :) and please try to look at the bright side and be optimistic, because there is alot in life out there, that you are missing be sitting there at home ,feeling miserable and depressed and hopeless. I wish you goodluck and i hope that things would be better.

[ Lola's advice column | Ask Lola A Question

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