|
I just need to tell someone how i feel
Hey,
My name is lola and i am a counseller on this site, and i usually help people,give them advice, cheer them up and tell them to move on wtih their lives and stuff. But the thing, that i am very depressed and unhappy myself.
This may seem to you as if its not even a problem, but because i live in egypt and i am a muslim, then its considered as a really huge problem. Umm.. my parents don't approve of dating ,and besides , its also against my religion rules. But, i dated this boy in grade 8 and we stayed for a couple of weeks, until my mom found out and she totally freaked out and said she'd never trust me again. But then she gave me another chance, and then later on in grade 8, i had this sex and porn chat with a boy ,and my mom found out about it again, and she hit me and yelled at me, and my sisters told me what a bitch i am( and i don't blame them), and no one talked to me for a long time.Then everything was cool again,and believe it or not, they gave me another chance, but then in grade 9, i dated another boy, and i allowed him to touch me, and we were on the verge of having sex, when he showed me his penis and i touched it, but then i backed out and couldn't go any further. Then he went and told practically all the boys in our school what i did, and then all the boys started touching me, my ass and my breasts, and i allowed them, and just laughed or smiled when they did so. Later on,the whole school knew that i was a slut and a bitch, and so did my mom and sisters know what i did, and i lost all my friends, and i was allowed to go to the club alone anymore to attend my practise, and i wasn't allowed to own a cell phone or go out with friends, or chat on the internet, and i didn't go to school till the end of the year, i attended the final exams, and till today, i am still grounded and i totally lost my mom's trust, and every thing is just so screwed up.i lied so much, and i hurt alot of people's feelings and i treated my friends whom i spent 6 years of my life with, i treated them like shit, and i lost every single one of them. I feel so miserable and guilty, and although this was like several months ago, i still cry about it every night, and see it in my dreams, and all my thoughts are about it. i know that god is mad at me, because all that i have done was against my religion, and the most horrible thing is that i knew that it was against my religion, and that my mom would soon find out, and i knew that this would all happen, but i still did it, and i don't know why. I am a horrible terrible slutty bitch ,and thats how i'll always be known to people and to my own family.
I am going to grade 10 next year, and to a whole new school, because my mom wants me to make a whole new reputation there, and friends, and stuff. I tried alot to overcome the problem, and move on, and change who i am and what i have become, and make friends and new hobbies and things to take up my time. And i also came to work on this site, because i thought that i wanted to help people with their lives and prevent them from doing the mistakes that i've done in my own life. But i tried and tried to forget, i just simply can't. and i pray everyday to god and talk to him and beg him to forgive me, but the guilt and misery and depression in my is terrible... terrible to know that you have lost the most amazing things in your life andthe closest people to your heart for something you've done and you knew that it was wrong, and yet you did it and repeated it once and twice and three times, and mabye four but i can't remember.
Look, i don't know why i am asking for your advice, and why now?and not along time ago,and why you especially? but mabye you could advise me with something good. Thanks alot for your time.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Hi, most of what you did might have been against your religion but to most other people it isn't all that bad. Have a talk to your mum and set out some rules maybe for next time. You are allowed to go out with boys and stuff like that because it's only natural to do these things, especially if your a teenager. Just because your muslim doesn't mean you can't try and do things like everyone else. Your going into 10 grade next year so set some goals, then discuss your goals with your mother. Make sure that some of these goals are what you want as well as your mother. Hope things go well. Daniel.
]
More Questions: |